Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 468 "Mustang Blues"Small and Specialty Poems
9 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I have never felt completely comfortable with those repeats in the last two lines of the stanza. They always seemed to have neither the ritualistic element of a whole line repeat nor the satisfaction of straight rhyme.
When I read your second stanza however, I found that the final line there really added to what had been said. in a way it mirrored conversational speech - no any old blue but 'shimmering, majestic blue.
I am sure that is what the creator of the form should have been after. That pair in your second stanza to my mind works better than the homophone in the first. The metre gets across the natural stresses in established otherwise that might have worked better.
Ithink it will tend to work best with an adjective which can be enhanced in the final lin and of course 'blue' is one such.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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I have never felt completely comfortable with those repeats in the last two lines of the stanza. They always seemed to have neither the ritualistic element of a whole line repeat nor the satisfaction of straight rhyme.
When I read your second stanza however, I found that the final line there really added to what had been said. in a way it mirrored conversational speech - no any old blue but 'shimmering, majestic blue.
I am sure that is what the creator of the form should have been after. That pair in your second stanza to my mind works better than the homophone in the first. The metre gets across the natural stresses in established otherwise that might have worked better.
Ithink it will tend to work best with an adjective which can be enhanced in the final lin and of course 'blue' is one such.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Jim. I'm not a big fan of the format either for the same reasons. I think you're right about adjectives working best. At least, here's an example of a format that requires the same rhymed end-line in a stanza.
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I have just finished one to which I have added the requirement that the second line's ending becomes the next quatrain's first line rhyme with some interesting results. The subject is a valedictory poem for the late Michael Cahill and I will be posting it as soon as I find out how to get it into damommy's multi author book. At the moment I have forgotten how you do that.
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There sould be a link at the bottom.
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Thanks. It is posted now.
Comment from Joan E.
I recently noticed the Dahquain form in damommy's post as well. Thanks for creating your example and sharing your dream--your photograph of the car certainly tantalizes. I enjoyed your rhymes and repeats, plus the "thoroughbred beast" metaphor. Sweet dreams- Joan
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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I recently noticed the Dahquain form in damommy's post as well. Thanks for creating your example and sharing your dream--your photograph of the car certainly tantalizes. I enjoyed your rhymes and repeats, plus the "thoroughbred beast" metaphor. Sweet dreams- Joan
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Joan. The surprising thing on the window sticker is that they are getting 29 MPG now.
Comment from Sugarray77
Way to go on crafting this excellent example of a Dahquain. Your fun topic was a good choice and lets us all know that you love Mustangs ~ vintage cars. Well done on penning this verse.
Melissa
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Way to go on crafting this excellent example of a Dahquain. Your fun topic was a good choice and lets us all know that you love Mustangs ~ vintage cars. Well done on penning this verse.
Melissa
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Melissa. It was fun to write and dream about owning one.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Dahquain about a dream car that will unfortunately have to stay a dream because those beautiful Mustangs are very pricy and only the very rich ca afford to ride them.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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A very well-written Dahquain about a dream car that will unfortunately have to stay a dream because those beautiful Mustangs are very pricy and only the very rich ca afford to ride them.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Sandra. Wish I had a time machine. I'd go back to 1965 and buy one for $3,200, then bring it back to 2019. Lol.
Comment from RodG
You and I may have drooled over the same car. What is it about Mustangs that no other car has? I appreciate your taste in cars, but this poetic format? No. Rod
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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You and I may have drooled over the same car. What is it about Mustangs that no other car has? I appreciate your taste in cars, but this poetic format? No. Rod
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you RodG. I am not enamored with the format either. It reads like bad rhyming.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! That would be me, look and drool, then look at the price tag! I laughed out loud at this little gem, Tom, it's more a man thing than a lady's, but I do drool sometimes, especially over the little sports cars that if I got in them, I'd never be able to pull myself out.
This is an unusual style, I'll have to rush over and read Yvonne's now. I like the double same rhyme ending at the end of each stanza. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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LOL! That would be me, look and drool, then look at the price tag! I laughed out loud at this little gem, Tom, it's more a man thing than a lady's, but I do drool sometimes, especially over the little sports cars that if I got in them, I'd never be able to pull myself out.
This is an unusual style, I'll have to rush over and read Yvonne's now. I like the double same rhyme ending at the end of each stanza. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Sandra. When I met my wife Karen back in 1974, she owned a grey mustang hatchback. Maybe that was part of my attraction. Not the only one mind you, but certainly icing on the cake.
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LOL! I'm glad you said that! :)) xx
Comment from damommy
Thank you. I'm so happy you wrote one. It was a delight to read about your car shopping and how happy you were to find THE ONE. Then, sticker shock. Isn't that always the way?
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you. I'm so happy you wrote one. It was a delight to read about your car shopping and how happy you were to find THE ONE. Then, sticker shock. Isn't that always the way?
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you damommy. It sure is, sadly.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, yeah, those babies are beauties...but that beauty definitely has a price!! :) ;) A wonderful dahquain, sir -- read a few others over the past day or so, but this is the first one that isn't really 'mushy' ... gives it a different appeal! :) ;) Thanx for sharing! :)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Oh, yeah, those babies are beauties...but that beauty definitely has a price!! :) ;) A wonderful dahquain, sir -- read a few others over the past day or so, but this is the first one that isn't really 'mushy' ... gives it a different appeal! :) ;) Thanx for sharing! :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Y. M Roger. I don't often take a picture in a car lot, but this one 's color blue and style blew my away.
Comment from patcelaw
The poem was a fun read. It does seem that those cars are a bit pricey and can cause sticker shock. May you have a wonderful week and may it be quite a bit warmer. Patricia
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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The poem was a fun read. It does seem that those cars are a bit pricey and can cause sticker shock. May you have a wonderful week and may it be quite a bit warmer. Patricia
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you Patricia.
