Baker's Dozen
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Flashback 5"Ben Baker has to hunt down and kill twelve people
17 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I hope An Do comes out of it before he kills his mate! Now we know when he was so confident and sure he wasn't going to die today. It's a shame Joseph can't kill Conner first. He's evil! I have to see what happens next. :))
I noticed I'd already read and reviewed a few chapters before this, so I'm reading them again and carrying on. xx
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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I hope An Do comes out of it before he kills his mate! Now we know when he was so confident and sure he wasn't going to die today. It's a shame Joseph can't kill Conner first. He's evil! I have to see what happens next. :))
I noticed I'd already read and reviewed a few chapters before this, so I'm reading them again and carrying on. xx
Comment Written 08-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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I had to include so much background because no one could remember past chapters or characters.
Comment from Sugarray77
Bill, what an active and vivid write you have given us to review. Amazingly, you have kept the suspense very high with the prologue and descriptions of past battles and deaths. I would mention that the fifth line from the bottom, you have the word... starring, instead of staring.... FYI
Melissa
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
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Bill, what an active and vivid write you have given us to review. Amazingly, you have kept the suspense very high with the prologue and descriptions of past battles and deaths. I would mention that the fifth line from the bottom, you have the word... starring, instead of staring.... FYI
Melissa
Comment Written 18-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Melissa. I?ll knock that r out of there tonight. I?m halfway through the next ch@pter now.
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Thanks, Melissa. I?ll knock that r out of there tonight. I?m halfway through the next ch@pter now.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Bill,
Quite the interesting story you've told here. The use of the helicopter and the flashbacks works well, but I would weave them together a bit more.
The characters would come to life more if you were 'showing' rather than 'telling' here. (It's an exercise I've been working on a lot since the first of the year - so now I catch it in the work of others - sorry.)
Some of us are trying to get together a Prose Posse by fanning any other prose writers we come across while reviewing. We want to get our prose read because we are in danger of disappearing from the site as most people will read poetry for the 'quick funny money,' and ignore the work we post.
Feel free to join us and fan any other prose writer you come across and extend this same invite to them,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2019
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Hi, Bill,
Quite the interesting story you've told here. The use of the helicopter and the flashbacks works well, but I would weave them together a bit more.
The characters would come to life more if you were 'showing' rather than 'telling' here. (It's an exercise I've been working on a lot since the first of the year - so now I catch it in the work of others - sorry.)
Some of us are trying to get together a Prose Posse by fanning any other prose writers we come across while reviewing. We want to get our prose read because we are in danger of disappearing from the site as most people will read poetry for the 'quick funny money,' and ignore the work we post.
Feel free to join us and fan any other prose writer you come across and extend this same invite to them,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 17-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2019
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Sounds good, Patty
Comment from Rob Caudle
First bit of your work I have read.thank for the list of characters it helped me stay engaged. Fun bit with the embeded triggers a nice twist. look forwar to catching with your tale.
Rob
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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First bit of your work I have read.thank for the list of characters it helped me stay engaged. Fun bit with the embeded triggers a nice twist. look forwar to catching with your tale.
Rob
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thsnks, Rob
Comment from brenda faye curtis
This chapter was well-worth the wait! I love the mind-control trigger that Connor uses on An Do--a twist I did not see coming--as well as the one on G.I. Joe (I assume he was similarly conditioned, which is why he couldn't use the gun). The story continues to be interesting, exciting, and I look forward to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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This chapter was well-worth the wait! I love the mind-control trigger that Connor uses on An Do--a twist I did not see coming--as well as the one on G.I. Joe (I assume he was similarly conditioned, which is why he couldn't use the gun). The story continues to be interesting, exciting, and I look forward to the next chapter!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Brenda, for the terrific review. Bill
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You're welcome, Bill.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, so this Connor is an unknown but dangerous opponent. I do hope that An will be there in time. Great new chapter, and I feel you've drawn on a lot of your own experiences as a Marine. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Hi Bill, so this Connor is an unknown but dangerous opponent. I do hope that An will be there in time. Great new chapter, and I feel you've drawn on a lot of your own experiences as a Marine. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Ulla. Connor is the Chief of Stsff from the begonning.
Comment from TheStoryMan
This is very well written and interesting. I hope Joseph can get out of this and get his friend back. Connor is one very sick individual. Someone needs to eliminate him.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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This is very well written and interesting. I hope Joseph can get out of this and get his friend back. Connor is one very sick individual. Someone needs to eliminate him.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Bad is tough tovstop.
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Oh no! Good needs to triumph.
Comment from nomi338
It appears that Connor has all the cards and they are all marked. It is just about impossible to argue with the calm of a man is the only one in the room who knows what is going to happen next. When encountering such a man the wisest course it to begin plotting a safe and hasty exit if at all possible. This is very well plotted and very well written as well.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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It appears that Connor has all the cards and they are all marked. It is just about impossible to argue with the calm of a man is the only one in the room who knows what is going to happen next. When encountering such a man the wisest course it to begin plotting a safe and hasty exit if at all possible. This is very well plotted and very well written as well.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thanks, nomi.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Uh...wow. So, now poor An is a sleeper assassin and Joe can't kill this devil general dude. Definitely leaves the reader wanting to turn the page and continue here .... thanx for the next edition! :) ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Uh...wow. So, now poor An is a sleeper assassin and Joe can't kill this devil general dude. Definitely leaves the reader wanting to turn the page and continue here .... thanx for the next edition! :) ;) Yvette
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Yvette, for the enthusiastic review. Bill
Comment from Earl Corp
The long awaited next installment is finally here, and it didn't disappoint. Didn't see the hyptnotism coming into play. So this is the last flashback? You must be on the downhill slide to finishing the story. Good luck. Can't wait for the next installment.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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The long awaited next installment is finally here, and it didn't disappoint. Didn't see the hyptnotism coming into play. So this is the last flashback? You must be on the downhill slide to finishing the story. Good luck. Can't wait for the next installment.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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I misspoke. There needs to be one more to make a connection. Between then and now.
