Reviews from

Surprise

Rare Happening

9 total reviews 
Comment from Pam (respa)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-This is a really good story.
-The news was certainly surprising.
-It's nice when the news is good
instead of there being a problem.
-Hopefully Dandy is not overwhelmed
with three young ones!
-Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
    thank you for your support
reply by Pam (respa) on 06-Jan-2019
    You are very welcome.
Comment from Joy Graham
Excellent
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Hello Mystery Author,

This is short but sweet. I see no length requirements, so you are fine. You managed to get a wonderful surprise out of this short story. Is his fiction or true? It would be wonderful to see pictures of such an incredible event :)

Best wishes in the contest.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    it is true
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Excellent
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What a sweet photo and a cute scene set-up. I think the little story you have created has a great plot. Have you considered doing a couple lines of dialog to show the reaction of hearing about the triplets? "I have Dandy news, can you guess?" :) I wish you lots of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    smiles
Comment from aryr
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A great short story as well as amazing news. It was well done, very precise for the number of words used. I agree that triplets was astonishing, in the horse world twins are considered fantastic but wow. Sure hopes Dandy, if it is a real horse does fine, if it is all made up then great job, it was believable.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    smiles
reply by aryr on 05-Jan-2019
    You are most welcome.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    smiles
Comment from Ada Jewell
Excellent
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Holy smokes! Way to go Dandy, that is quite the news. I hope it all has a happy ending. It sounds exciting, and yet a little risky and scary too! Great writing.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    A horse usually on has one sometimes two and that's a risk but three is very rare
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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Can horses really have give birth to triplets? But a good storyline anyway, a really good entry in this reaction writing prompt, I think you've certainty written up a great bone of context. Well done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    Yes but it is very rare and dangerous
reply by royowen on 05-Jan-2019
    I think so.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    SMILES
Comment from Norm Wright
Good
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Nice! Simple and straight to the point, I enjoyed this story.

That last sentence needs either a period or a ", and " between "us" and "we".

Good work!

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    Thanks for the heads up
Comment from Ideasaregems-Dawn
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a short tale, so I hope you don't mind my many suggestions, but I think it could use some tweaking. Here's how I would write what you've written (but of course, it's your choice) --

"The vet...on the horses(;) he wanted to see..."

"We had six pregnant mares." (no need to repeat "ready to foal")

Instead of repeating "the vet" so soon, since it's all the same paragraph, using "he" is an improvement (more natural). example - "He checked them, and came out of the barn to tell us our one mare, Dandy, was going to have triplets." (note the commas too)

Finally, since it IS such a short story, you want the ending (most especially) to sizzle. It's a rare thing for a horse to have triplets? Your character doesn't sound surprised really. How WOULD you react? What WOULD you say? I might say something like, (I was astounded when the veterinarian came out of that barn -- our mare, Dandy, was having triplets!) See what I mean?

Anyway, I hope this is a help and I haven't hurt your feelings. I LOVED the IDEA of the story, and that's probably THE most important starting point. If it's not something somebody wants to read (the topic), it doesn't matter HOW well it's written.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
    thank you for the heads up
reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 05-Jan-2019
    You're most welcome. Best of luck in the contest. :)
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Mystery Writer,

It may very well be a difference in where we live and in how we speak, but I had a problem understanding part of this. *smile* I mean, I got the gist of the story - but had some questions that I thought I should point out, in case someone else had issues, too.

Notes:
1.) see when they would be dialing.
--> what is 'dialing'?

2.) We had six pregnant mare(s) almost ready to foal.

3.) The vet checked them and come out sayining
--> The vet came out and checked them (saying)

4.) we were going to be having triplets (for)

5.) our foal dandy.
--> don't understand this at all.
--> 'foal' is usually the offspring, right?

--> are you saying, you're going to be having triplets from ONE of the six mares? Then saying 'Dandy!' as an exclamation?

--> (which would give you a total of five ponies plus three ponies = 8 ponies?)


Just confused. Need more help, please.

Thanks!

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2019


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
    Please re read to see if this makes sense I am having problems with my computer some one is messing with it.
reply by robyn corum on 04-Jan-2019
    MUCH better! *smile* I would also like to suggest the following, if I may?

    I will go ahead and edit the rating. Thanks!

    *

    The vet checked them and came out of the (barn) to tell us our mare (Dandy) was going to have triplets. (It is) rare for horses to have more than two (foal).
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
    fixed thank you so much for understanding