Saboteur (an excerpt)
Boy sent to summer camp after writing about school massacres29 total reviews
Comment from lightink
Hi Andre,
You probably won't read this, but I still wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you these days and some of your stories. I hope you are doing well and feel safe and appreciated wherever you are. Keep making difference. I'll miss your voice here (if I choose to stay). I'll try to figure out if your book got published and then buy it.
Your story is very engaging - just like many older ones. Such a striking way of describing the experience of loneliness, how to kids were 'eating, and existing around your... and then the fascinating events at the camp. Fantastic story and writing!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Hi Andre,
You probably won't read this, but I still wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you these days and some of your stories. I hope you are doing well and feel safe and appreciated wherever you are. Keep making difference. I'll miss your voice here (if I choose to stay). I'll try to figure out if your book got published and then buy it.
Your story is very engaging - just like many older ones. Such a striking way of describing the experience of loneliness, how to kids were 'eating, and existing around your... and then the fascinating events at the camp. Fantastic story and writing!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Oh, thank you, Lightink, for your review. I was surprised to see it because I haven?t checked my FanStory portfolio since February. I left the sight to write and publish stories, poems, and essays. I will be published in The Sun and Rattle this September and I will start teaching a storytelling class this week to people with disabilities. I have been thinking about the ?Saboteur? story and may want to submit it again to journals. Thank you for thinking of me.
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I'm so happy to hear from you! Storytelling is your superpower indeed! I'm so glad you are teaching it! If you ever have a book of your own, I'd like to know about it! Do you have a website by any chance? Meanwhile, I'll check out that magazine! Take care!
Warmly,
Jyoti
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Thank you Jyoti
I don't have a book or website yet. I have been published in three literary journals this month: The Sun Magazine, Rattle, and Sparkle & Blink. and I just wrapped up a literary reading on Zoom. I'm preparing for my storytelling class and writing students.
You can read my two published Sparkle & Blink pieces here:
http://quietlightning.org/sparkle-blink-107/
I also have an essay at the end of this Sun Magazine Reader's Write section:
https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/537/strangers-our-readers-issue-537
Thank you for the support.
Best,
Andre
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Jyoti
Kim Shucks, the Poet Laureate of San Francisco, named my "Derailed" poem (which you can find right here on FanStory) the Poem of the Day on November 26 for the San Francisco Public Library and posted it online. You can find it here under the date:
https://sfpl.org/books-and-media/san-francisco-poet-laureate/poem-of-the-day/poem-day-archive/poem-day-archive-2
Today I also learned that I won the prize as the best featured writing for Red Planet Magazine. The issue is coming out in a couple of weeks. These are only two of the four publication acceptances since Thanksgiving.
Thank you for your support.
Comment from Yuna Akil
Hello,
It felt awkward to only know a fraction of the references you used. I feel like a baby.
I really enjoyed your writing and hope Saboteur is a success. I did not take my eyes off your words once.
WE NEED MORE WRITERS OF COLOR!
Wish you the best.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Hello,
It felt awkward to only know a fraction of the references you used. I feel like a baby.
I really enjoyed your writing and hope Saboteur is a success. I did not take my eyes off your words once.
WE NEED MORE WRITERS OF COLOR!
Wish you the best.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Yuna, that's alright you only know a fraction of the references, because many people my age have forgotten them. I kept a diary at the time which had these details. I am glad you enjoyed Saboteur and wish it success as I send the entire 7,126 word story to my editor. Yes, we need more writers of color here, there, and everywhere. thank you for your support.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Andre,
This is very fine writing, the type publishers seek. In poetry, the ticket is free verse, like prose.
Gritty, dangerous, the type of writing that pulls down those ever-present covers.
Sorry to hear you are leaving, though. You'll be missed, for you have a unique voice. Don't discard your dance/poems. They are very good. I wish you well in all your endeavors, my friend. Perhaps we'll meet at one of your book signings.
Al the best.
Robert
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Hello Andre,
This is very fine writing, the type publishers seek. In poetry, the ticket is free verse, like prose.
Gritty, dangerous, the type of writing that pulls down those ever-present covers.
Sorry to hear you are leaving, though. You'll be missed, for you have a unique voice. Don't discard your dance/poems. They are very good. I wish you well in all your endeavors, my friend. Perhaps we'll meet at one of your book signings.
Al the best.
Robert
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Robert, you could not have said it better. "In poetry, the ticket is free verse, like prose. Gritty, dangerous, the type of writing that pulls down those ever-present covers." One free verse poem I had held back from FanStory because it was "gritty and dangerous," was not only published by a literary journal but two days ago they nominated me for the Pushcart Prize for a poem that appeared in a small press journal in 2018. Some of the best poets in America receive this award. Now I am working this magic on prose. Judging by your response, I succeeded, and am encouraged to submit this to journals.
Thank you for all of the fine support and encouragement you have given me over the years. I will miss you.
Comment from Wabigoon
Sis Cat --
I hope his six helps you on your way. Reading this I was about to say to you, "forget about poetry" your are a terrific, and probably a better prose writer. Others, maybe, are ahead of me. This is simply terrific and I wish you well, the best. This book, point of view is needed. Get to it. Sorry you are leaving.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Sis Cat --
I hope his six helps you on your way. Reading this I was about to say to you, "forget about poetry" your are a terrific, and probably a better prose writer. Others, maybe, are ahead of me. This is simply terrific and I wish you well, the best. This book, point of view is needed. Get to it. Sorry you are leaving.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Yes, Jeff, my very last six helps me on my way. I made the right decision to leave FanStory. After San Francisco's most prestigious literary event and journal rejected all sixteen of my FanStory poems I wrote over the course of three years, I took a chance and wrote a poem that I would never post on FanStory. Not only did the journal publish it, but last Tuesday they nominated it for the Pushcart Prize for the best poem published in an American small press journal in 2018. This is the same prize that the former US Poet Laureate Kay Ryan won thrice. So I won't "forget about poetry" yet. What I am doing is expanding into long form prose with "Saboteur." I'm glad you found it "'simply terrific," because I have another 5,126 words section to submit to my editor before I submit it for publication.
Thank you for all of your support and encouragement through the years.
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Hurray!
Comment from lyenochka
Really enjoyed this. I'm guessing it's autobiographical since you used your name? Using real historical events helps me to put the story in chronological perspective and I like how the introvert enters into society! Well told and I wish you well in every thing that you put your hands to, Andre! Blessings to you and we will all miss you!!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Really enjoyed this. I'm guessing it's autobiographical since you used your name? Using real historical events helps me to put the story in chronological perspective and I like how the introvert enters into society! Well told and I wish you well in every thing that you put your hands to, Andre! Blessings to you and we will all miss you!!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Yes, Helen, I used my 1980 diaries as the basis of this work. I only shared 2,000 words of it on FS. The other 5,125 words is waiting for me to send it to my editor.
I just received word this evening that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The editor of the journal is demanding I send in more work. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you. Thank you for your review, support, and well wishes. I appreciate them.
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We are all so proud of you, Andre! Best wishes to you! And you know, even unpaid members can still check in now and then so please tell us about your publications. Lord bless you!
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I will. Thanks.
Comment from Lynette Marie
Fabulous! This post pulled me in from the first word. I want to know more about Andre! Why does he seem to feel so inadequate? Did he go to the dance? Does camp help him come out of his shell? I also enjoyed the line where the auburn-haired girl (a ginger) stepped "gingerly". Nice play on words :)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Fabulous! This post pulled me in from the first word. I want to know more about Andre! Why does he seem to feel so inadequate? Did he go to the dance? Does camp help him come out of his shell? I also enjoyed the line where the auburn-haired girl (a ginger) stepped "gingerly". Nice play on words :)
Comment Written 26-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Oh, thank you, Lynette, for your cheerful review. I also thank my editor Marcia Trahan who suggested I change the arrangement of this section. I am glad it pulled you in to want to know more. Once again, thanks.
Comment from kennem45
You certainly held my attention. I don't think I could make any criticism whatsoever. I'm a bit pedantic but your writing style, syntax and spelling are fine with me. A good read
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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You certainly held my attention. I don't think I could make any criticism whatsoever. I'm a bit pedantic but your writing style, syntax and spelling are fine with me. A good read
Comment Written 26-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Oh, thank you, kennem45, for your generous six star review. I thank my editors Marcia Trahan and Rama Diva for fine tuning my writing style, syntax, and spelling. I'm glad it held your attention, because Trahan suggested I rearrange the opening scenes.
Comment from estory
First of all I'm sorry to hear you're leaving the site..I'll miss your work. This was a thought provoking piece; I think you really captured that feeling of the person who doesn't fit in. You have this portrait of an isolated guy who has trouble expressing himself, and the one sided conversation with the teacher really underscored that point. You mention that you felt like a black person with a white inside; that brought to mind the play Passing Strange, and I wonder if you have seen it. It's a story of a young black man who goes to Europe to discover his roots and I think it was a great piece on the dilemma of many blacks in our country today who are so disconnected from their African culture and look to the European roots of American culture as their cultural base. Anyway, this really is food for thought. estory
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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First of all I'm sorry to hear you're leaving the site..I'll miss your work. This was a thought provoking piece; I think you really captured that feeling of the person who doesn't fit in. You have this portrait of an isolated guy who has trouble expressing himself, and the one sided conversation with the teacher really underscored that point. You mention that you felt like a black person with a white inside; that brought to mind the play Passing Strange, and I wonder if you have seen it. It's a story of a young black man who goes to Europe to discover his roots and I think it was a great piece on the dilemma of many blacks in our country today who are so disconnected from their African culture and look to the European roots of American culture as their cultural base. Anyway, this really is food for thought. estory
Comment Written 26-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Thank you, estory, for your generous, heartfelt review. I saw the play Passing Strange when it premiered at the Berkeley Repertory Theater. I used my 1980 journal entries to recreate the person I was at that time, and I chose the most difficult entries--wishing a massacre on my school, crying over not having friends, my teacher reprimanding me.
I just received word this evening that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. There is another 5,000 words of this essay I have already written and have to send back to my editor for edits before I submit it to journals. The editor of Quiet Lightning is demanding I send in more work.
It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you.
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Best of luck to you and I will miss you here, sis cat. I'll see if I can get a copy of that online. estory
Comment from mmonaghan777
I was so relieved to read the "happy" ending. I am so glad you chose friendship instead of solitude. I hope your message is passed on to many young people who feel they are alone. Good luck in your writing adventures. Much success.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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I was so relieved to read the "happy" ending. I am so glad you chose friendship instead of solitude. I hope your message is passed on to many young people who feel they are alone. Good luck in your writing adventures. Much success.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Oh, mmonaghan777, you have no idea how much your review delighted me, because it shows I am doing my job as a writer. I only shared 2,000 words of a 7,125 word essay. I look forward to sharing the complete work with young people who feel alone.
Thank you for wishing me good luck and success with my writing adventures. I just received word this evening that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. The Quiet Lightning editor is demanding I send in more work.
Comment from Tpa
As always, your story was so richly done and very interesting. Your work is stimulating to the reader, it makes one think of the behavior of our world and the inheritance of turmoil that we are given to our youth. Indeed, my friend, you will be miss. I wish you the best and going through another door in your life offers you many opportunities for success.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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As always, your story was so richly done and very interesting. Your work is stimulating to the reader, it makes one think of the behavior of our world and the inheritance of turmoil that we are given to our youth. Indeed, my friend, you will be miss. I wish you the best and going through another door in your life offers you many opportunities for success.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Tpa, for your generous, six star review. I am glad you found this excerpt stimulating as I have another 5,125 words of the essay I have not shared on FanStory.
I just received word this evening that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. The Quiet Lightning editor is demanding I send in more work. Thank you for your support and for wishing me many opportunities for success.
