The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Kayla's Story - continued"A Novel
29 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Tony,
Kayla has had quite a dangerous adventure and luckily seems to have her wits about her.
Travel 'smarts' were definitely an advantage for her.
Isn't there always an Aussie hero or two to come to the rescue-in this case
Kayla has some anonymity.
******
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Hi Tony,
Kayla has had quite a dangerous adventure and luckily seems to have her wits about her.
Travel 'smarts' were definitely an advantage for her.
Isn't there always an Aussie hero or two to come to the rescue-in this case
Kayla has some anonymity.
******
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Shirley. Glad you are still enjoying the story. I appreciate your engagement and your positive comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Earl Corp
I've read other installments but I think I missed some. I notice some things you might want to think about:
1. Need quotation marks after airport.
2. You might want to separate dialogue from text.
3. It's not always clear who's talking, you might want tag the dialogue.
Some of your dialogue is huge like a Bond villian monologue. It could be broken up and have transitions between statements. I'd like to see where you go next with this.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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I've read other installments but I think I missed some. I notice some things you might want to think about:
1. Need quotation marks after airport.
2. You might want to separate dialogue from text.
3. It's not always clear who's talking, you might want tag the dialogue.
Some of your dialogue is huge like a Bond villian monologue. It could be broken up and have transitions between statements. I'd like to see where you go next with this.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Thanks, Earl. You've brought up some useful points here. The speaker is almost always Kayla, and her account of her time in Thailand is largely a monologue. The quotation marks aren't closed at the end of paragraphs unless there is a change of speaker or an intervening tag line. You are right that I probably need more action tags to break up her story. I appreciate your suggestions. Many thanks. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from WryWriter
An excellent reading experience. This story has it all. It grabs the reader, hangs on, and takes them on a wild ride to the end. Paragraphs transition smoothly. Perfect pacing. Good use of descriptive wording paints pictures in the readers' minds of each scene. I have no suggestion other than "Keep up the good work!"
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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An excellent reading experience. This story has it all. It grabs the reader, hangs on, and takes them on a wild ride to the end. Paragraphs transition smoothly. Perfect pacing. Good use of descriptive wording paints pictures in the readers' minds of each scene. I have no suggestion other than "Keep up the good work!"
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for your review, WryWriter. I appreciate your encouraging comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I really like this very intriguing and very engaging story. It keeps me fastened to and focused on every element of it throughout. It flows beautifully and has the reader wanting more. I like this tfawcus. Well done! keep them coming!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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I really like this very intriguing and very engaging story. It keeps me fastened to and focused on every element of it throughout. It flows beautifully and has the reader wanting more. I like this tfawcus. Well done! keep them coming!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for your review, Jeffrey. I appreciate the kind comments. All the best, Tony.
Comment from LIJ Red
A sailor living in San Vito ran over a sheep on the way to the base...sheep have the right of way in Puglia Province except on the autostrada, so he paid for the mutton, for the wool the beast would have had in the fall, and the lamb it would have born in the spring...and Italy is "civilized." Deliver me from Asia...excellent chapter....
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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A sailor living in San Vito ran over a sheep on the way to the base...sheep have the right of way in Puglia Province except on the autostrada, so he paid for the mutton, for the wool the beast would have had in the fall, and the lamb it would have born in the spring...and Italy is "civilized." Deliver me from Asia...excellent chapter....
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for your review, Red. There's no place like home. All the best, Tony.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
This chapter is tightly woven and begins to connect the threads
in this intricate mystery. Kayla story is quite believable as the pieces fits
into the overall puzzle. She street-smart beyond her years.
Of course, the other passengers on the train would be Australians. LOL
Congratulations on placing in the Book Of the Month!
Well done
Robert
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Hello Tony,
This chapter is tightly woven and begins to connect the threads
in this intricate mystery. Kayla story is quite believable as the pieces fits
into the overall puzzle. She street-smart beyond her years.
Of course, the other passengers on the train would be Australians. LOL
Congratulations on placing in the Book Of the Month!
Well done
Robert
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for your review, Robert, and for the sixth star. I appreciate the kind comments and congratulations. All the best, Tony.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good chapter, Tony, that gives more
insight into Kayla's situation and Bukhari's murder.
-The scene when they have had some
drinks, and Kayla is feeling the impact
of that, is described well, and breaks up
the intensity of her story.
-It also shows her emotional state
because she probably needed
to try and forget, but also
needs to recount these events.
-Charles also offers his usual comments,
that wind up annoying Helen,
but this time Jeanne backs him up.
-The vivid description also
adds to the ending of the chapter,
and foreshadows more of Jeanne's story.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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-A good chapter, Tony, that gives more
insight into Kayla's situation and Bukhari's murder.
-The scene when they have had some
drinks, and Kayla is feeling the impact
of that, is described well, and breaks up
the intensity of her story.
-It also shows her emotional state
because she probably needed
to try and forget, but also
needs to recount these events.
-Charles also offers his usual comments,
that wind up annoying Helen,
but this time Jeanne backs him up.
-The vivid description also
adds to the ending of the chapter,
and foreshadows more of Jeanne's story.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Pam, and for the six stars. My best wishes to you and Robert for the holiday season. Tony
Comment from Katchoo Ledeux
Good post. It moved smoothly throughout and contained no visible SPAG issues, as far as I could tell.
One thing I did note though:
Realising Helen felt we were ganging up against her, I turned to Kayla. - Maybe it's just me, but until this part I wasn't 100% certain there were three people in the conversation.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Good post. It moved smoothly throughout and contained no visible SPAG issues, as far as I could tell.
One thing I did note though:
Realising Helen felt we were ganging up against her, I turned to Kayla. - Maybe it's just me, but until this part I wasn't 100% certain there were three people in the conversation.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Thanks fir your review, Katchoo, and your comment about the dialogue. I'll have another look at that. I appreciate you pointing out the possible confusion. Best wishes, tony
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Tony,
First of all, Congratulations on placing in the Book of the Month contest - there was a lot of competition this month!!
This story is so intricately woven and I'm enjoying it tremendously - I just wish I had a six left for you.
Looking forward to the next chapter,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Hi, Tony,
First of all, Congratulations on placing in the Book of the Month contest - there was a lot of competition this month!!
This story is so intricately woven and I'm enjoying it tremendously - I just wish I had a six left for you.
Looking forward to the next chapter,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 13-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Many thanks, Patty. Delighted you thought this worth a six. Most affirming. I appreciate your congratulations, too.
Comment from apky
I think Kayla made a very smart decision there, to travel among that group of "ocker" Australians. There is safety in numbers under those circumstances.
But I'm beginning to get this feeling that Kayla too, like Jeanne, is not being level here. Just a reader's hunch - or rather the writer's skills. So far, you have crafted your story in a way that makes me suspect just about everybody in the story at some stage, but the journalist. And that speaks volumes for the writer!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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I think Kayla made a very smart decision there, to travel among that group of "ocker" Australians. There is safety in numbers under those circumstances.
But I'm beginning to get this feeling that Kayla too, like Jeanne, is not being level here. Just a reader's hunch - or rather the writer's skills. So far, you have crafted your story in a way that makes me suspect just about everybody in the story at some stage, but the journalist. And that speaks volumes for the writer!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for another supportive review, Apky. Yes, there may be more to Kayla than meets the eye.
