Reviews from

Suddenly Available For Duty

Jeff's time train trip ends at a familiar depot.

4 total reviews 
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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What carnage, what terrible loss of human life. We visited a lot of these war sites back in 2014. Also Williamsburg. Of the war of independence, I was shocked to find as many maven died in the Civil War, as in all other theatres of war. Well done, I think you could have a series here. Excellent entry, good luck, blessjngs, Roy

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Thank you for the nice words and fine rating. A follow-up might be possible in a future contest. Good luck in your own writing.
reply by royowen on 03-Nov-2018
    Most welcome
Comment from Pantygynt
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It certainly helps to have been a history teacher if you get caught in one of these time warp things. As such you should be immune from making silly mistakes.

I am here by accident having hit the Up Next button while reviewing poetry , which is more my thing. As I happen to be reading a fiction set in the Civil War days I stayed with what turned up namely this., and i wasn't disappointed. It read well with plenty of show don't tell and I was quite sorry to get to the end.

I think it was a good idea to leave him stuck there back in time, at least for the time being as they say.

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Appreciate your kind words and nice rating. My 28-year-old son thinks the ending is open for sequels... possibly for a future contest. Good luck with your own writing efforts.
reply by Pantygynt on 02-Nov-2018
    Thank you
Comment from nassus1957
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed the travel back in time and the historical footnote on the confederates courage, the extent of deaths and the possible death of Stonewall Jackson in the hands of Jeff Hill. The story is quite interesting and absorbing. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Glad you enjoyed reading my effort and thanks for the nice stars. As a Civil War fan and a southerner at heart, I must say the soldiers of both sides matched each other in bravery. Also, congratulations on recently becoming a member of our country. Good luck in your own writings.
Comment from giraffmang
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

I loved the opening of this piece. the emotive language and tone is super. The 'over stroked bear is spot on'.

Although if Jeff is interrupted mid-flow it may be an idea to signify this in the dialogue by using a dash rather a full stop / period before the closing speech marks,

War's sacrific, spotlighted by a late afternoon - sacrifice?

cudos I think should be kudos.

no one would be wondering around these woods unarmed - wandering in this instance.

but he was tired and could care less - the phrase should be couldn't care less. As it is means he was capable of caring less.

Jeff new immediately Joe-Joe's boasting - knew.

Did you see the night turn to colors," Jeff continued - should probably have a question mark in here.

"Proud to be with you," Jeff involuntarily added, "A good day to remember my brother." - technically the second piece of dialogue should start lower case as the previous isn't closed off.

"Joe-Joe worried for many a soldier, "Hope we did not hit anybody." - remove the speech marks from the very start here.

I great telling with the historical facts.

I wish there was something of a more conclusive ending though, it just seems to fizzle out.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Thank you for the very thorough job of reading and reviewing. I appreciate the time you gave my effort, which obviously demonstrates a lack of concentration on my part. Continued success with your writing. By the way, considering Jeff's predicament, maybe I could pass off 'wondering', around the woods as sort of a pun. Thank you, again for the suggestions.