My Alaskan
A fantasy17 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Love making between two consenting adults is a beautiful thing, and sex for the pure satisfactoin of scratching an "itch" can be too.
It all depends on what both are anticipating as they go forward, or not.
I've learned that if I always place her needs above my own when it comes to pleasure, it's hard to go wrong.
Good story, Missy.
For erotica it is descriptive and very tastefully done (no pun intended, heh-heh-heh).
~Dean
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Love making between two consenting adults is a beautiful thing, and sex for the pure satisfactoin of scratching an "itch" can be too.
It all depends on what both are anticipating as they go forward, or not.
I've learned that if I always place her needs above my own when it comes to pleasure, it's hard to go wrong.
Good story, Missy.
For erotica it is descriptive and very tastefully done (no pun intended, heh-heh-heh).
~Dean
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Big hug and smooch for you my friend.
Thank you so much for giving this review. I hope I didn?t twist your arm too much! Lol
Always Justafan
Missy
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Naw.
But it's no fun taking a cold shower here in the hospital. Their water is freezing, LOL!
Hugs,
~Dean ;-)))
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Hilarious
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
Melissa,
you have outdone yourself. You know I always say your the Queen of love poems. That has translated into this sexual fantasy prompt writing. I could put myself into this position. It was absolutely believable. I loved that about the story. It is a fantasy that everyone can enjoy. It is not vulgar. It is believable and when you write a story that your fans can put themselves into, you have nailed it. Fantastic job!!!!!!!!!
Your fan,
Darlene
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Melissa,
you have outdone yourself. You know I always say your the Queen of love poems. That has translated into this sexual fantasy prompt writing. I could put myself into this position. It was absolutely believable. I loved that about the story. It is a fantasy that everyone can enjoy. It is not vulgar. It is believable and when you write a story that your fans can put themselves into, you have nailed it. Fantastic job!!!!!!!!!
Your fan,
Darlene
Comment Written 19-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Aww thank you my sweet friend.
I always write what I feel.
Hugs
Always
Justafan of yours
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi! (*>*)
Cool fantasy! LOL And when it's with a handsome hunk--bring it on. Glad you told me about your story.
I've written and will soon publish a new book. "Gabriela's Paradise Ranch (Evolution of a Paramour) YEP--it'll be 'steamy'.
Great job.
Cheers, J (*>*)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Hi! (*>*)
Cool fantasy! LOL And when it's with a handsome hunk--bring it on. Glad you told me about your story.
I've written and will soon publish a new book. "Gabriela's Paradise Ranch (Evolution of a Paramour) YEP--it'll be 'steamy'.
Great job.
Cheers, J (*>*)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Oh shucks! I?ll have to pick that up and give it a read.
Thank you for venturing over.
Always
Justafan of yours
Melissa
Comment from cupa tea
I run into his waiting arms and the kiss he gives me is everything(.) It's so much more than I've dreamed of. ( just feel this little sentence needs more...I'm just not sure what...)
We held tightly in our embrace(,) for god only knows how long(,) because frankly
(t) Time stood still for us.
My fingers wrapped around his beautiful ( you need a space here ) (yes I said beautiful) cock, sliding the full length of him,
I think you might considered doing this with your sentence. I think it'd be more effective.
My fingers wrapped around his beautiful, yes I said beautiful, cock allowing me to caress the full length of him in satisfaction. He was rock hard and ready long in no time at all.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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I run into his waiting arms and the kiss he gives me is everything(.) It's so much more than I've dreamed of. ( just feel this little sentence needs more...I'm just not sure what...)
We held tightly in our embrace(,) for god only knows how long(,) because frankly
(t) Time stood still for us.
My fingers wrapped around his beautiful ( you need a space here ) (yes I said beautiful) cock, sliding the full length of him,
I think you might considered doing this with your sentence. I think it'd be more effective.
My fingers wrapped around his beautiful, yes I said beautiful, cock allowing me to caress the full length of him in satisfaction. He was rock hard and ready long in no time at all.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the helpful crit.
I?ll make the necessary corrections.
Always
Justafan Oh
Comment from Richard J
Ummm-MY, Dear Writer!
What a delicious fantasy you've served "up" for our scintillating delight, and what a thrilling imagination you possess to make it feel sooo real ... goodness!
Here I was, thinking I'd get through the morning without heart palpitations, but after this, there is more palpitating than my heart! ; )
No doubt, this will gain great favor in the contest ... I entered, too, and am tempted to vote for you over mine it is so, so ... er, alive!
Good luck and warmest thanks for sharing this sweetly endearing part of You! ~ Richard ; )
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Ummm-MY, Dear Writer!
What a delicious fantasy you've served "up" for our scintillating delight, and what a thrilling imagination you possess to make it feel sooo real ... goodness!
Here I was, thinking I'd get through the morning without heart palpitations, but after this, there is more palpitating than my heart! ; )
No doubt, this will gain great favor in the contest ... I entered, too, and am tempted to vote for you over mine it is so, so ... er, alive!
Good luck and warmest thanks for sharing this sweetly endearing part of You! ~ Richard ; )
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Oh my!
Such a lovely review, I?m flattered indeed.
Always
Justafan
Of
Yours
Missy
Comment from beizanten
hi just checking my competitor. Your story is really good, short but sweet and emotional and pretty hot. long distance reunion after long seperation is sexy and sweet
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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hi just checking my competitor. Your story is really good, short but sweet and emotional and pretty hot. long distance reunion after long seperation is sexy and sweet
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Thank you for sharing a moment of your time to read and leave this review.
Always
Justafan
Comment from DonandVicki
You pulled me into this fantasy with your well written opening and the dialogue made me feel as if I were witness to this love fest. Well written and I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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You pulled me into this fantasy with your well written opening and the dialogue made me feel as if I were witness to this love fest. Well written and I wish you luck.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you very much for the lovely review.
Always
xxxx
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent contest entry One suggestion: will he like what he sees, will the chemistry still be there[, oh god] S/B will he like what he sees? Will the chemistry still be there? Oh God, I hope so!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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An excellent contest entry One suggestion: will he like what he sees, will the chemistry still be there[, oh god] S/B will he like what he sees? Will the chemistry still be there? Oh God, I hope so!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you Thomas for the helpful crit. I will take care of those flaws.
Always
xxxxx
Comment from RFL
Your idea here is a good one, my FanStory friend, a woman waiting for the man of her dreams to return to her. For most women, I think your story can be seen as having truth and so we have a reliable protagonist here. The sexual scene was graphic enough to be real, yet not crass, and quite exciting. Good work here. Some suggestions for enhancement are:
1. The beginning sentence is a bit confusing. You say that Melissa was watching a flight board, yet she was really watching for the flight with her lover to land. No?
2. I might even make the beginning sentence a bit more engaging, for example, with an overhead announcement of the flight landing or even with the fourth paragraph. You also might consider a more detailed description of the protagonists emotional and physical state.
3. In paragraph five you indicate that you initially were together a year ago. You then say in later on that you don't remember much of your first time with the Alaskan. Then later on you say that you, the protagonist, I mean has not been intimate for years. This is confusing as the timeline of the initial meeting, whether the initial meeting was in person or virtual, etc. Please clarify.
4. One more question for you: Did you mean to include links to advertising sites? If you did, I wonder why. If you didn't, you might consider fixing this as it is distracting and adds nothing to your story.
I think if you edit and refine this story, you will have an excellent contest entry. I am also willing to review it again and change my rating.
Best regards, RFL
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Your idea here is a good one, my FanStory friend, a woman waiting for the man of her dreams to return to her. For most women, I think your story can be seen as having truth and so we have a reliable protagonist here. The sexual scene was graphic enough to be real, yet not crass, and quite exciting. Good work here. Some suggestions for enhancement are:
1. The beginning sentence is a bit confusing. You say that Melissa was watching a flight board, yet she was really watching for the flight with her lover to land. No?
2. I might even make the beginning sentence a bit more engaging, for example, with an overhead announcement of the flight landing or even with the fourth paragraph. You also might consider a more detailed description of the protagonists emotional and physical state.
3. In paragraph five you indicate that you initially were together a year ago. You then say in later on that you don't remember much of your first time with the Alaskan. Then later on you say that you, the protagonist, I mean has not been intimate for years. This is confusing as the timeline of the initial meeting, whether the initial meeting was in person or virtual, etc. Please clarify.
4. One more question for you: Did you mean to include links to advertising sites? If you did, I wonder why. If you didn't, you might consider fixing this as it is distracting and adds nothing to your story.
I think if you edit and refine this story, you will have an excellent contest entry. I am also willing to review it again and change my rating.
Best regards, RFL
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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1. I?m not aware of any links included in this piece.
2. The relationship has only been online. So, the first time was when they went to the hotel and the door closed.
Thank you for spending so much of your time reading and leaving this crit.
Please don?t feel you need to come back and waste anymore of your time on my little story.
Again, thank you.
Always
xxxxxxx
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Wow -- sizzling hot! You created great imagery for your reader in this write. I also like how you built up the sexual tension as the story progresses. You give your reader a crystal clear picture of the scenes as they unfold. Great job on this entry. I enjoyed reading it, and I wish you well in the contest.
Cheers,
Connie
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Wow -- sizzling hot! You created great imagery for your reader in this write. I also like how you built up the sexual tension as the story progresses. You give your reader a crystal clear picture of the scenes as they unfold. Great job on this entry. I enjoyed reading it, and I wish you well in the contest.
Cheers,
Connie
Comment Written 16-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Thank you ever so much for this splendid review :)
Always
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Thank you ever so much for this splendid review :)
Always
