Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson

Excellent

Hello there, this is a delightful poem, it moves along with a fun pace. I do like the ring of it. lol. Sounds like a perfectly wonderful place to live. ~Kerry

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

Would be good to find a 'there' that provided all the advantages you write about in your poem. And even better if there was no winter there. I enjoyed reading all about the fine living your 'there' would provide. Fun poetry, A.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from estory

Exceptional

I really enjoyed this. I think it was the best poem you've done. It was imaginative, fresh, experimental. And it worked musically. I loved the minimalistic repetitions of words and sounds, the interstitched patterns were dense and I liked that aesthetic. It also was rich in philosophy; articulating the idea of freedom, of common denominators of life, of love, of loving one's fellow man, and losing all the petty differences and self centered struggle to attain things for yourself. Interesting, innovative, well executed. estory

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your "silly poem". You show great insights for a utopia where we all might like to live in a unique style of your very own..

Well done.
Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Well, a different way of highlighting 'the place' we all hope to belong.
I am not sure of the requirements of entry, yet,
A good take on the subject matter.
Just one suggestion;

" All to their life" = "all to their lives" more correct because of 'all.'

My best wishes.

A humorous take on it all.
Best wishes.

RGstar

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from Writeling

Excellent

I read this several times to 'get' all the messages. I really liked some of your phrasing:
'Love in every sphere of living is everywhere there'

with best wishes, Writeling

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

It seems you use repetition in this to urge yourself and friends and anyone interested to make or move to the perfect world. A peaceful world where
everyone is equal and has a job that he/she wants or needs and has no worry
about crime. It is a nice dream worth trying to make come true.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from Benny Beeharry

Excellent

Very good feat of imagination. It is good now and then to write about things...just things, like there and no one knows what or where. So the dreams are on and the wild conjectures too. There may not be a there any way and our dreams of ideals are mere bubbles.
Great!
Danny Jock

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from Sanku

Excellent

Good attempt. It reminds of a legend we Keralites keep broadcasting about. Our Onam festival is in the memory of a king who ruled over a state just like yo describe

here you are planning to shift. and inviting others to come with you
how I hope such a place is really there

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This has a wonderfully idealistic flavor that resonated with me. The ideas are uplifting and clearly portrayed. the fluid free verse style works well using line breaks to sculpt flow. The repeated phrases work musically well too. It works fine with no punctuation.

The only line I stumbled one was:

Foolish and yellowish disallowed there

I'm not sure what YELLOWISH means? Are you using Yellow as in scared or 'chicken'?

Favorite line:

Love in every sphere of living is everywhere there

Fine work.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2018