The Rose of Help
A rose helps a young man get a girlfriend28 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
She asked if she can be his girlfriend......if she could be his girlfriend...to keep the tenses similar.
Oh beautiful rose found its purpose
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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She asked if she can be his girlfriend......if she could be his girlfriend...to keep the tenses similar.
Oh beautiful rose found its purpose
God bless
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you!
Comment from poetwatch
You wrote this like petals coming from that rose. The fragrance is there, the taste of a future is unveiling. Life is strange and beautiful sometimes. This is a good entry for the Dribble Flash Fiction contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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You wrote this like petals coming from that rose. The fragrance is there, the taste of a future is unveiling. Life is strange and beautiful sometimes. This is a good entry for the Dribble Flash Fiction contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about a miracle in life happened as a help made by rose offering before Todd a girlfriend and Todd accepts Layla his girlfriend; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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This speaks about a miracle in life happened as a help made by rose offering before Todd a girlfriend and Todd accepts Layla his girlfriend; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you, my friend! :)
Comment from Kelly Grim
This is such a cute idea, and your creativity and imagination shine in this piece! But I will agree with one or two of the other reviewers here who have suggested that maybe this needs a little fixing up technically. The tense shifting is awkward... first it's she said (past) and then it's she asks (present) and then it's he answered (past). I also think this sentence is awkward: In his life, before he had no girlfriends. I think either the comma is in the wrong spot or I'm just not sure what this sentence means. I love the idea of the rose as a miracle! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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This is such a cute idea, and your creativity and imagination shine in this piece! But I will agree with one or two of the other reviewers here who have suggested that maybe this needs a little fixing up technically. The tense shifting is awkward... first it's she said (past) and then it's she asks (present) and then it's he answered (past). I also think this sentence is awkward: In his life, before he had no girlfriends. I think either the comma is in the wrong spot or I'm just not sure what this sentence means. I love the idea of the rose as a miracle! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thank you! :)
Comment from apky
You have a really lovely Flash Fiction story here.
It's very touching, and sweet in its romantic construction.
I'd only advise you not to mix the tenses. Either choose to write in the present tense, or in the past tense. Then stick to the tense you choose, for consistency.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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You have a really lovely Flash Fiction story here.
It's very touching, and sweet in its romantic construction.
I'd only advise you not to mix the tenses. Either choose to write in the present tense, or in the past tense. Then stick to the tense you choose, for consistency.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thank you!
Comment from Sanku
Sometimes it happens. Certain things bring good luck to you .It may be a rose or a coin or sometimes even someone who unexpectedly come to you
it is a cute story written with very few words.
all the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Sometimes it happens. Certain things bring good luck to you .It may be a rose or a coin or sometimes even someone who unexpectedly come to you
it is a cute story written with very few words.
all the best for the contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The moral of this story is when joy comes into your life you then become more attractive to others and so people are drawn to you, a poignant write and lovely photo too, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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The moral of this story is when joy comes into your life you then become more attractive to others and so people are drawn to you, a poignant write and lovely photo too, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Thank you! :)
Comment from ciliverde
I understand that the rose brought about a miracle, but how? The girl named Layla just appears (is it magic??) and asks if she can be his girlfriend. Normally, people do not do this. If it is magic, this should somehow be explained in the story. I do agree that two people getting together is wonderful, and that in itself can be a miracle.
Carol
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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I understand that the rose brought about a miracle, but how? The girl named Layla just appears (is it magic??) and asks if she can be his girlfriend. Normally, people do not do this. If it is magic, this should somehow be explained in the story. I do agree that two people getting together is wonderful, and that in itself can be a miracle.
Carol
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Thank you! 😊
Comment from Mastery
This is a charming little piece, Raul. It would be interesting as with most of these flash fiction pieces, to see where it all pans out for the two people involved. Don't you agree? Good luck to you in all of your writing. Bob
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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This is a charming little piece, Raul. It would be interesting as with most of these flash fiction pieces, to see where it all pans out for the two people involved. Don't you agree? Good luck to you in all of your writing. Bob
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Thank you! 😊
Comment from Spiritual Echo
The deadline for this contest allows for you to play with this flash piece--and I highly recommend it. The most glaring issue is the inconsistency on tense. You go from past tense to present and back again--a major problem. I recommend past tense as the easiest. The rose grew (past tense_ and brings(present tense) This SHOULD read-The rose grew up and brought Todd...and here I would caution you in using the same word--girlfriend--in a short piece more than once.
You could say...The rose grew up and changed Todd's life, OR, The rose grew up and brought Todd a gift.
Near SHOULD BE,,,nearby or near the garden.
Yes, I know you have 50 word limit, but once you've got everything straight, you can fiddle with adjectives or tighten up a sentence.
I commend you for working on flash--it's tough. It's a great discipline and really helps a writer tighten up their work.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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The deadline for this contest allows for you to play with this flash piece--and I highly recommend it. The most glaring issue is the inconsistency on tense. You go from past tense to present and back again--a major problem. I recommend past tense as the easiest. The rose grew (past tense_ and brings(present tense) This SHOULD read-The rose grew up and brought Todd...and here I would caution you in using the same word--girlfriend--in a short piece more than once.
You could say...The rose grew up and changed Todd's life, OR, The rose grew up and brought Todd a gift.
Near SHOULD BE,,,nearby or near the garden.
Yes, I know you have 50 word limit, but once you've got everything straight, you can fiddle with adjectives or tighten up a sentence.
I commend you for working on flash--it's tough. It's a great discipline and really helps a writer tighten up their work.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Thank you! 😊
