The Blue Store
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Blue Store; Chapter Two"Moonshiners Hangout
10 total reviews
Comment from Earl Corp
I'm surprised youd talk to a reporter. This should be a good story, youre developing a good story
line. A couple of questions
1. Shouldn't it be no one rather than none one?
2. Do you think it would read better if you wrote " she was five foot if she was an inch?"
3. Is it Shinning or shining?
4.Did you mean shiner?
Can't wait for the next installment. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
I'm surprised youd talk to a reporter. This should be a good story, youre developing a good story
line. A couple of questions
1. Shouldn't it be no one rather than none one?
2. Do you think it would read better if you wrote " she was five foot if she was an inch?"
3. Is it Shinning or shining?
4.Did you mean shiner?
Can't wait for the next installment. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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hope you enjoy the next chapter shinning and shinner were words used back in the hills
Comment from Miranda Langston
i love this story, from the detail you have put into it to the dialogue. this is a great chapter and i will honestly vote for you in the contest if i can
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
i love this story, from the detail you have put into it to the dialogue. this is a great chapter and i will honestly vote for you in the contest if i can
Comment Written 07-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your kindness
Comment from royowen
You have potentially a good story here, the backstory and the plot are quite sound. There are many confusing moments, concerning when the characters are talking, and when they're not, it actually needs some heavy editing, (I've noted some corrections for you, but there are more, editing is a huge part of story writing) try to make sure, it has as little errors as possible, before you post. Don't be discouraged, writing is a heavy gig, well done, good luck. Blessings, Roy
Typo A beautiful woman(,) 2: the (reported) slipped his recorder back...3: (") Can you give me a reason...4: (")Because I was told...5: what made them moonshiners,(")
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
You have potentially a good story here, the backstory and the plot are quite sound. There are many confusing moments, concerning when the characters are talking, and when they're not, it actually needs some heavy editing, (I've noted some corrections for you, but there are more, editing is a huge part of story writing) try to make sure, it has as little errors as possible, before you post. Don't be discouraged, writing is a heavy gig, well done, good luck. Blessings, Roy
Typo A beautiful woman(,) 2: the (reported) slipped his recorder back...3: (") Can you give me a reason...4: (")Because I was told...5: what made them moonshiners,(")
Comment Written 07-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your kindness and support
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Well done
Comment from Mabaker
This was an interesting story on moonshine. I found it more a testimonial to the brewing of it. It was more like a lesson in bootleg booze. I found it well written and it kept me reading all through. Good story.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
This was an interesting story on moonshine. I found it more a testimonial to the brewing of it. It was more like a lesson in bootleg booze. I found it well written and it kept me reading all through. Good story.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
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So glad you enjoyed
Comment from Ricky1024
"The Blue Store Chapter Two was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellent and Exceptional.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
"The Blue Store Chapter Two was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellent and Exceptional.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment Written 27-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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So glad you enjoyed this as much as I did writing this. Thank you so much for your kindness and support
Comment from LIJ Red
My dad came home to the hills as the Depression left him jobless, and started a still to feed his family, as his father had died. He had a reputation for making excellent whisky. He stopped when other ways of making a living became available and spent the rest of his life as a Baptist deacon, living down the "fine corn squeezin's" he had made. Me, I thought it cool as Hell...good chapter for the novelette contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
My dad came home to the hills as the Depression left him jobless, and started a still to feed his family, as his father had died. He had a reputation for making excellent whisky. He stopped when other ways of making a living became available and spent the rest of his life as a Baptist deacon, living down the "fine corn squeezin's" he had made. Me, I thought it cool as Hell...good chapter for the novelette contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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So glad you enjoyed it I am waiting now for the next
Comment from Gloria ....
Author, I very much enjoy your narrative voice. It's interesting, which is of course always the key to good story telling, and a story about a city person coming to do a story on moonshining can't ever go wrong.
I very much enjoyed this and I wish you much luck in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
Author, I very much enjoy your narrative voice. It's interesting, which is of course always the key to good story telling, and a story about a city person coming to do a story on moonshining can't ever go wrong.
I very much enjoyed this and I wish you much luck in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you for your kindness
Comment from heart of Lou
Interesting story about a nosy reporter who has a hard time getting the story he wants from the locals. Sometimes I wasn't sure whose point of view I was reading about because of the head hopping, but I enjoyed learning all the different names for moonshine.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
Interesting story about a nosy reporter who has a hard time getting the story he wants from the locals. Sometimes I wasn't sure whose point of view I was reading about because of the head hopping, but I enjoyed learning all the different names for moonshine.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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thank you for your kindness
Comment from BlueTiger
It had begun to rain cats and dogs as I reached my truck(;) so much for a beautiful day the weatherman promised.
I scanned the bio below it(, heaving a sigh of relief.)
Picking up my coffee cup (mug) I poured myself another cup of coffee. (or just say 'cup' to avoid saying coffee twice in this sentence.
"The name is Jake Hollister ma'am. I am a reporter for the Country Crier. I am doing a feature on the back hill country store. The Blue Store to be exact," Jake informed her.
"WOW!" Jake said, "I never knew that."
I'd finish the chapter by having Jake say something like, "Tell me more," so that the ending isn't so abrupt. Other than that, great work. You really pull the reader into the story, and I like that your writing style is simple and easy to follow, but also descriptive. Great story, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
It had begun to rain cats and dogs as I reached my truck(;) so much for a beautiful day the weatherman promised.
I scanned the bio below it(, heaving a sigh of relief.)
Picking up my coffee cup (mug) I poured myself another cup of coffee. (or just say 'cup' to avoid saying coffee twice in this sentence.
"The name is Jake Hollister ma'am. I am a reporter for the Country Crier. I am doing a feature on the back hill country store. The Blue Store to be exact," Jake informed her.
"WOW!" Jake said, "I never knew that."
I'd finish the chapter by having Jake say something like, "Tell me more," so that the ending isn't so abrupt. Other than that, great work. You really pull the reader into the story, and I like that your writing style is simple and easy to follow, but also descriptive. Great story, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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thanks for the heads up
Comment from E.J.
It was very fascinating the way you incorporated the back story to the present was very smooth. I liked how you represented the simple life of small townsfolk and there almost immediate dislike of them. The way you describe grandma Ivy was like you were describing my grandmother. Comming from a small town my self I thought you represented the lifestyle well. The angle of the moonshine story was interesting because it was an actual historical event. I was wondering if you did research or you live in a place like that.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
It was very fascinating the way you incorporated the back story to the present was very smooth. I liked how you represented the simple life of small townsfolk and there almost immediate dislike of them. The way you describe grandma Ivy was like you were describing my grandmother. Comming from a small town my self I thought you represented the lifestyle well. The angle of the moonshine story was interesting because it was an actual historical event. I was wondering if you did research or you live in a place like that.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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a lot of research