Sinkhole town meeting
animal cracker thing10 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I'm so glad I found this again. I lost track of it a couple of days ago. There was something about your writing voice which drew me in instantly. You have created a great setting with such intricate specifics that the imagery creates an air of suspense. Your setting also creates your characters. Your descriptive imagery of the characters is brilliant: " His comb is scarred, his long gills sway under his chin, his sharp spurs are dark, hard, as long as a two-leg's finger." A wonderful line to show time has passed: "The spiders build webs over the doors " In the end, relief. This is a good metaphor for all of us with a lesson about catastrophizing. Very well written. I am compelled to vote for this one.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2018
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I'm so glad I found this again. I lost track of it a couple of days ago. There was something about your writing voice which drew me in instantly. You have created a great setting with such intricate specifics that the imagery creates an air of suspense. Your setting also creates your characters. Your descriptive imagery of the characters is brilliant: " His comb is scarred, his long gills sway under his chin, his sharp spurs are dark, hard, as long as a two-leg's finger." A wonderful line to show time has passed: "The spiders build webs over the doors " In the end, relief. This is a good metaphor for all of us with a lesson about catastrophizing. Very well written. I am compelled to vote for this one.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my animal story. I have owned pets to fit those descriptions over the years and I still live in a stone's throw of sinkhole hollow...I truly appreciate the sixth star, also.
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I also have written a book which I have posted up to Chapter 5 called Be Wee With Bea. I'll soon be posting Ch 6. You would enjoy the Ch. so far. The animals are mine & I am Bea and it is about my adventures with adopting them and other issues.
Comment from robyn corum
Red,
Well, I adored it. Thee was so much creativity and fun here that I wouldn't even begin to know what to compliment first. *smile* Loved the animal-version-descriptions of so many human things - the roads that hold the zipping cars and offer death, the urdenurdens that we all use, and so much more. This was a fav!
I may just keep it! *smile* Thank you so much for the entertainment!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Red,
Well, I adored it. Thee was so much creativity and fun here that I wouldn't even begin to know what to compliment first. *smile* Loved the animal-version-descriptions of so many human things - the roads that hold the zipping cars and offer death, the urdenurdens that we all use, and so much more. This was a fav!
I may just keep it! *smile* Thank you so much for the entertainment!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my animal crackers prose, Robyn, and the six makes my day. The characters I used are old friends from long ago. I still put out scraps for the wild things, and sinkhole hollow is still a gloomy place...
Comment from country ranch writer
Poor dears they were so worried about the man they were so used to him giving them their food. They were so happy to see him back into the fold.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Poor dears they were so worried about the man they were so used to him giving them their food. They were so happy to see him back into the fold.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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And I do put out scraps and stale food for foxes and possums and 'coons, so the old man is not totally fiction. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written animal story. Our pets are completely depended on us when we are not there to feed them they will find it hard to adapt to the wilderness and fend for themselves. We are seen as their god.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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A very well-written animal story. Our pets are completely depended on us when we are not there to feed them they will find it hard to adapt to the wilderness and fend for themselves. We are seen as their god.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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I hope God will have mercy on me as much as I have on my cats and dogs....thanks very much for reading my entry into the animal crackers challenge.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good job. I was enthralled the whole time. I'm so glad the old man didn't die. Hopefully, he'll be all healed up soon. And I think the forest animals will like their new goddess. :)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Good job. I was enthralled the whole time. I'm so glad the old man didn't die. Hopefully, he'll be all healed up soon. And I think the forest animals will like their new goddess. :)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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My possum still steals cat food, and I throw out scraps for squirrels and birds. The cat, dog and rooster are pets from my past.
Thanks for reading my venture in Animal Crackers Club prose.
Comment from Annika Fiercely
This was a lot of fun to read!
I really loved:
-the descriptions of nature
-'the hollow hill' (and other animal epithets)
-the local colour!
The style reminds me of 'Watership Down' in the intricate way the animal's world is described, but it feels fresh - I think because the human conversations are so grounded and natural, seeing the human world through the eyes of the animals is especially poignant.
As for areas of potential improvement, I'm not sure if 'field of expertise' is the most natural phrase in the context. And while I think the story says what it says, I can imagine pulling at the ends a bit to give it more narrative structure. But I like how 'small' the story is, because just this glimpse into the hollow in the mountains gives a full picture. But I can see this fitting into something larger as well.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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This was a lot of fun to read!
I really loved:
-the descriptions of nature
-'the hollow hill' (and other animal epithets)
-the local colour!
The style reminds me of 'Watership Down' in the intricate way the animal's world is described, but it feels fresh - I think because the human conversations are so grounded and natural, seeing the human world through the eyes of the animals is especially poignant.
As for areas of potential improvement, I'm not sure if 'field of expertise' is the most natural phrase in the context. And while I think the story says what it says, I can imagine pulling at the ends a bit to give it more narrative structure. But I like how 'small' the story is, because just this glimpse into the hollow in the mountains gives a full picture. But I can see this fitting into something larger as well.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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I read a few chapters in Watership Down, and watched the animated film. To be likened to that work I think is a compliment.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Gloria ....
Those opening few lines describe some locations I've had the pleasure of visiting, but I don't think I've ever written them up so perfectly as you have, Ellijay. A most vivid setting that drew me right in.
Ha, the Old Hill god who scatters edible substances, now that is funny. What's this?! A lesser goddess. LOL.
This is terrific and in your signature style that makes your writing a joy and completely unique.
Nice one!
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Those opening few lines describe some locations I've had the pleasure of visiting, but I don't think I've ever written them up so perfectly as you have, Ellijay. A most vivid setting that drew me right in.
Ha, the Old Hill god who scatters edible substances, now that is funny. What's this?! A lesser goddess. LOL.
This is terrific and in your signature style that makes your writing a joy and completely unique.
Nice one!
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Maybe Watership Down did leave a mark...The pets are three old pals from the past. The wild critters still lurk in sinkhole hollow hoping I'll put out some scraps. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my animal crackers prose, Gloria...
Comment from Lady Jane
The slippery(,) barkless trunk
I love you how you shifted from the creatures dialogue, to the human dialogue. It didn't pull away from the flow of the prose. It worked well. Your descriptive language and stellar penning form made this an easy, fun read. Minus the small spag above, nothing I saw needs correction. The pace was steady and didn't feel rushed or bogged down in one area. Smooth reading piece, I tell ya :) And, how did I love the back country dialogue. I am from the south. Thanks for sharing this whimsically easy read.
Janelle
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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The slippery(,) barkless trunk
I love you how you shifted from the creatures dialogue, to the human dialogue. It didn't pull away from the flow of the prose. It worked well. Your descriptive language and stellar penning form made this an easy, fun read. Minus the small spag above, nothing I saw needs correction. The pace was steady and didn't feel rushed or bogged down in one area. Smooth reading piece, I tell ya :) And, how did I love the back country dialogue. I am from the south. Thanks for sharing this whimsically easy read.
Janelle
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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I like the dark gloomy sinkhole hollow a few meters from my house and I have a few wild creatures who search my yards and porch for scraps. One wild beast, a possum, I think, has mastered the doggy door. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my animal crackers prose.
Comment from Realist101
And there stands my little Ladybug...God rest her sweet soul. HOW I miss her. But I don't care what anyone thinks, I love stories from animal's P'sOV. :D Some of the sentences were a bit choppy, but that's okay as animals are not A students in speaking. Lol! And the ending is great. SO glad they weren't completely abandoned. I also believe there's a bit of sadness here showing expectations of the author as to what might come in real life. I know this feeling too. Wonderful post Red. x
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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And there stands my little Ladybug...God rest her sweet soul. HOW I miss her. But I don't care what anyone thinks, I love stories from animal's P'sOV. :D Some of the sentences were a bit choppy, but that's okay as animals are not A students in speaking. Lol! And the ending is great. SO glad they weren't completely abandoned. I also believe there's a bit of sadness here showing expectations of the author as to what might come in real life. I know this feeling too. Wonderful post Red. x
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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That's Spot, the Dalmation, a textbook show-quality dog, abandoned by his owners because he and the trailer they lived in were "haunted." He was a great pal for four years after I took him home. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my animal crackers prose, and bless ya for the six.
Comment from Insignificant Weed
Well, I think the animals got it right! Thank goodness their problem was solved. This was very delightful to read.
The descriptions of the meeting place and the movements of the animals is well done. I love the way you set up the problem and then cruised to a solution that made the animals happy again. Good luck in the contest. Well done. Your command of grammatical elements is exemplary
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Well, I think the animals got it right! Thank goodness their problem was solved. This was very delightful to read.
The descriptions of the meeting place and the movements of the animals is well done. I love the way you set up the problem and then cruised to a solution that made the animals happy again. Good luck in the contest. Well done. Your command of grammatical elements is exemplary
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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I think the wild critters on my hilltop would miss me. They sure clean up the scraps and cat feed I put out. The cat, dog and rooster were pets from years ago. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my animal crackers club prose, and I am vastly pleased that you rated it a six.
