Reviews from

Natural Light

Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Out East"
contemporary poetry

14 total reviews 
Comment from rama devi
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

What a wonderful work! Nostalgic, atmposheric, expressive and unique. Superb descriptive imagery, tone, POV and pacing. Utterly outstanding phonetic resonances (especially all the S sounds).

WOW! A six.


Favorite lines:


Somehow moving, coming to life
Out of the wind's invisible script,
Reaching and reaching across the stretched distance
For mysterious shorelines I could not make out.


I also loved the phonics in the first stanza so much that I read it aloud twice


Out east, I come back under the spell of sky and sea,
Transformed by their mysterious alchemy
Through the shifting shapes of sand and stones and shells
Until I am walking along the same shores
I walked along when I was young,
Suspended in the effervescence of sound and air and light.

All the S sounds and L as well as W and F too. Delicious word candy!


*this line is less polished...a bit wordy with the filler words:

Those beautiful schooners that I saw there,

Suggest a trim. Example:

I saw beautiful schooners there

Lovely wistful closing note:

Beautifully mysterious in the beckoning distance.


Bravo. I enjoyed this...both the visuals and the auditory (read aloud).

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2018


reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
    Thanks again for this great six star review and all your support; this was kind of up your alley I guess. I am glad you enjoyed it. estory
reply by rama devi on 27-Aug-2018
    Definitely up my alley. Sorry I missed reviewing many of your posts...I had been absent for a long time. Here intermittently. Right now, I have time because my flight to India has been delayed for weeks due to the flooding there (and clients are late sending books).
Comment from tempeste
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

..And I never wanted to leave that place ..

This phrase hit a nerve . I also have a special place that means the world to me and to which I desperately want to get back .

..Suspended in the effervescence of sound and air and light..

What a lovely way to say it is bursting with life : birds , sail boats and sailing ships all under the will /command of the wind.

And you actually got a lighthouse too .. That must have tickled your imagination when you were young .

I envy you because you have been back to a place that obviously is like a haven for you .

I read on the side that you are a professional writer so that of course explains your artistry with words .. .your poetic parlance .

To someone like me unfamiliar with his noble art , your notes gave insight to the hidden meaning behind some of your descriptions . Thank you.

Like with wine one needs experience to appreciate the best .. I 'm still a beginner ,and naive... for now I find that when the words rhyme it's more pleasing ..so my vote is 5.






 Comment Written 30-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad that you enjoyed it and that it took you away to places you have loved in your memory. That's what writing is all about. As for being a professional...I never said I was a professional. there are very few professional writers anymore. But I studied poetry in college and have been writing for about 4 decades now, so with time comes a measure of skill and craft. Imagination does the rest. estory
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent
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The coasts and sea seem to take hold of poets...from break, Break, Break to The Ancient Mariner and Dover Beach... I haven't seen an ocean since 1969, but I remember...excellent post.

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thanks for the five star review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem and how it took you back to the sea. You can't be born on an island and not have the sea in your blood. estory
Comment from Kerry Robinson
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hey there, my friend. I absolutely love this poem. I am a born and raised Long Islander spent my entire life at the beach, it is the most magical place to be. Do you live there? I live Upstate now, but one of my daughters and my entire family are still there. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and your perspective on this poem. If you're from Long Island this had to resonate with you. I moved to Raleigh two years ago. Couldn't afford it there anymore, but I miss the sea. Orient, Montauk and Shelter Island are my three favorite places there. Someday I will go back for a visit. estory
reply by Kerry Robinson on 24-Jul-2018
    Oh, yes, I love Montauk point, wonderful wineries out by Orient point I use to go to. It's nice to go back and visit, it is so expensive to live there these days. Enjoy your week:))
Comment from Ulla
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi estory, being a sailor myself I can both see and feel the mysterious pull of the sea and what lies beyond the horizon. I love the image of the keepers of the light house, because they indeed keep the key to the safety of so many ships' journey into the unknown. A beautiful metaphor for the written word that knows no bounds. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks again for the exceptional review, I appreciate it, and I am glad you enjoyed it. The lighthouse keeper is kind of like a ghost of the past moments that I spent sailing with my father in Mount Sinai Harbor on the north shore of Long Island. A beautiful place once; a slice of heaven. I've always wanted to recapture that moment with my dad, sailing out to mount misery on that beautiful August day. So that's how this poem came to be. estory
Comment from Hayley Zemontas
Excellent
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Beautifully crafted poem. I find such inspiration in places that I have visited and which hold such golden memories for me, and this sounds a truly stunning place that clearly means a great deal to you and that comes across in your artistic and passionate language- 'I never wanted to leave that place'.
It sounds magical and dreamlike, and a place that harbours creativity. I love the line 'in the sound chanting it's hypnotic incantations'. Creates such a vivid image of peace and tranquility and cool waters. Enjoyed it very much. Hayley

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your wonderful comments and perspectives celebrating this poem. I am glad that it was able to carry you away; maybe to places in your own dreams, that you wish you could hold onto. That's the essence of romanticism, I think estory
Comment from Boogienights
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You make it sound so wonderful in your poem, I can see why it's your favorite place. The whole tone of your words explains to the reader how dear this place is to your heart. Thanks for painting a picture in our imaginations.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks for the excellent review and your comments supporting this poem. Glad I was able to take you there, and that you felt some of the magic. Its satisfying when the writing can do that. estory
reply by Boogienights on 23-Jul-2018
Comment from kiwijenny
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted


Caught up in the magical flight of the gulls,
Watching white sails giving shape to the wind,
Dreaming of lighthouses with the ghosts of their light keepers,
Islands left out to themselves;
Beautifully mysterious in the beckoning distance.
I love this best
God bless

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful comments and perspective on this poem. I think this ending is one of my favorite endings, I love this idea of just drifting off or sailing away into the distance, going on forever, leaving all the rat race behind. estory
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Reading this piece made me want to be there, you speak of some sort of magic that was casted over you but in turn that's exactly what this piece does to the reader, great work

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments supporting this poem. I am glad that the magic of this piece was able to carry you away for a time into that place of dreams. Harmony and Magic were two famous schooners from Long Island Sound. estory
Comment from meeshu
Excellent
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you have really chosen beautiful language in your description of this beautiful place on the Isle of Long. nice and smooth, estory.........meeshu

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2018


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
    Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your perspective on this piece. I appreciate the support and I am glad you enjoyed it and found it so beautiful estory