My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Parents"Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
9 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I like how Gray remembers to put on the limp to get sympathy just like humans. And I love that Gray prayed with the humans. He probably understood even if not all the words.
I'm glad that both father and mother are getting the same information simultaneously first while walking, mother and daughter, and father and Daniel! What a beautiful response of the parents to all this heavy news!
Minor punctuation suggestion:
had made, she could hear Daniel explaining the story to Robert. (the comma could be a semicolon as the two parts are complete sentences.)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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I like how Gray remembers to put on the limp to get sympathy just like humans. And I love that Gray prayed with the humans. He probably understood even if not all the words.
I'm glad that both father and mother are getting the same information simultaneously first while walking, mother and daughter, and father and Daniel! What a beautiful response of the parents to all this heavy news!
Minor punctuation suggestion:
had made, she could hear Daniel explaining the story to Robert. (the comma could be a semicolon as the two parts are complete sentences.)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much Helen for reading, reviewing and your amazing comments. I will fix that in a moment. Hugs and smiles.
Comment from Mabaker
Oh yes, this is becoming a can't-put-down story Alie. I have enjoyed each chapter as they come. Keep going, sweet friend. Love U Anne
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Oh yes, this is becoming a can't-put-down story Alie. I have enjoyed each chapter as they come. Keep going, sweet friend. Love U Anne
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much Anne for reading and then taking the time to review, I am so glad you are enjoying it. Luv u Alie
Comment from poetwatch
It's a good story, Alie. I'm glad to read this chapter. I find it good for my soul. I can tell you why now . There is a lot of love between Rachel and her parents. So much so that they keep Daniel's ashes on the fireplace, a place that warms their souls. My father was also cremated and his ashes adored my home for a time. Then he was took back home where he stayed. Recently my brother Mario wouldn't talk to me and I didn't know why. I finally cornered him and asked him. He said that he had found only sand in the urn and that my sister hinted that Joe... I told him it wasn't me. That dad saved my life one time I couldn't awake, he yelled in my ear to wake up. He was in the urn. I don't know who dump my dad's ashes. Your story reminded me of that.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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It's a good story, Alie. I'm glad to read this chapter. I find it good for my soul. I can tell you why now . There is a lot of love between Rachel and her parents. So much so that they keep Daniel's ashes on the fireplace, a place that warms their souls. My father was also cremated and his ashes adored my home for a time. Then he was took back home where he stayed. Recently my brother Mario wouldn't talk to me and I didn't know why. I finally cornered him and asked him. He said that he had found only sand in the urn and that my sister hinted that Joe... I told him it wasn't me. That dad saved my life one time I couldn't awake, he yelled in my ear to wake up. He was in the urn. I don't know who dump my dad's ashes. Your story reminded me of that.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Wow, how devastating for you and your family. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Alie. This is a very well written chapter to your story, handled well regarding the chimera. The concept of the chimera is explained so anyone can understand it. Good job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Hi Alie. This is a very well written chapter to your story, handled well regarding the chimera. The concept of the chimera is explained so anyone can understand it. Good job. Marilyn
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much Marilyn for reading and reviewing and for your great observations and comments.
Comment from Zue65
I really take my hats off to the creative prose writers in this site. Only writers with such creativity can conjure up stories about wolf-like humans, about half-breeds and their world only writers will know. Thanks for sharing your talent .
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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I really take my hats off to the creative prose writers in this site. Only writers with such creativity can conjure up stories about wolf-like humans, about half-breeds and their world only writers will know. Thanks for sharing your talent .
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and your kind comments.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow, is that weird or what? A chimera sibling/son! It's nice that they could separate him. I would expect the chimera would be absorbed as a bunch of cells, not intact, but what do I know? This is so rare, I doubt there are any "rules" to govern it.
I think Mom suspects that Gray is no ordinary critter. :)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Wow, is that weird or what? A chimera sibling/son! It's nice that they could separate him. I would expect the chimera would be absorbed as a bunch of cells, not intact, but what do I know? This is so rare, I doubt there are any "rules" to govern it.
I think Mom suspects that Gray is no ordinary critter. :)
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Phyllis. I really appreciate your observant comments. The story about the chimera was based on an actual case. Yep I think Gray is special. Again thanks.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
A nice addition to your story. not only do we meet two more important characters to the tale, but the summation of what's happened up to now will help some of those (like me!) who haven't been able to read each piece. Good job!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) fresh bread. And we have a wide range of drinks(,)" Robert suggested.
--> I've noticed this issue several times in this post. Be sure you are punctuating your dialogue correctly. Check out the following link to be sure:
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
2.) "Sleeping can be sorted out later, right now, it is lunch and catch up time(,)" Robert commented(.) "Oh and call me Bob or even Dad if you are
3.) a shocking surprise." She reached over and grabbed Daniel(')s hand.
4.) "There is not a Daniel, only Tim and Phillip(,)" (h)er father said as her mother nodded.
--> same sentence, therefore 'he' doesn't need capitalization
5.) This time it was her father (who) drew in a deep breath and let it out,
--> when referring to humans, use 'who'
6.) "Let's go put this where he belongs and say a prayer(,)" (h)er father said as he pushed
7.) "Did you all notice what he did during the prayer?" (h)er mother asked(. "H)e laid down and crossed his
Nice job. Just let me know when you edit, please. Thanks -- I enjoyed!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Alie,
A nice addition to your story. not only do we meet two more important characters to the tale, but the summation of what's happened up to now will help some of those (like me!) who haven't been able to read each piece. Good job!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) fresh bread. And we have a wide range of drinks(,)" Robert suggested.
--> I've noticed this issue several times in this post. Be sure you are punctuating your dialogue correctly. Check out the following link to be sure:
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
2.) "Sleeping can be sorted out later, right now, it is lunch and catch up time(,)" Robert commented(.) "Oh and call me Bob or even Dad if you are
3.) a shocking surprise." She reached over and grabbed Daniel(')s hand.
4.) "There is not a Daniel, only Tim and Phillip(,)" (h)er father said as her mother nodded.
--> same sentence, therefore 'he' doesn't need capitalization
5.) This time it was her father (who) drew in a deep breath and let it out,
--> when referring to humans, use 'who'
6.) "Let's go put this where he belongs and say a prayer(,)" (h)er father said as he pushed
7.) "Did you all notice what he did during the prayer?" (h)er mother asked(. "H)e laid down and crossed his
Nice job. Just let me know when you edit, please. Thanks -- I enjoyed!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you Robyn for reading and reviewing and for catching those errors, I will correct them in a few minutes.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written, interesting story. Easy to understand what was going on despite not having read the previous chapters. The characters all seem real, believable and their dialogue perfect, great job.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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This is a very well-written, interesting story. Easy to understand what was going on despite not having read the previous chapters. The characters all seem real, believable and their dialogue perfect, great job.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and then taking the time to review, I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from Pantygynt
This story I sense is coming towards its logical ending, unless you have any surprisin incidents in store. It has made for enjoyable reading.
It is not often that I feel it necessary to criticize your writing style but this seemed so ponderous and formal like a policeman giving evidence in court:
"He was also observant of the dressing..." Come on! "He noticed the dressing and..." would be fine.
"He was what modern medicine call -a chimera." This is a simple subject-verb agreement either "He was what we in modern medicine call..." or "He was what modern medicine calls..."
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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This story I sense is coming towards its logical ending, unless you have any surprisin incidents in store. It has made for enjoyable reading.
It is not often that I feel it necessary to criticize your writing style but this seemed so ponderous and formal like a policeman giving evidence in court:
"He was also observant of the dressing..." Come on! "He noticed the dressing and..." would be fine.
"He was what modern medicine call -a chimera." This is a simple subject-verb agreement either "He was what we in modern medicine call..." or "He was what modern medicine calls..."
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. I really appreciate any criticism that you offer, remember I am still learning, so help is always appreciated. I will make those changes shortly. I do have a couple of surprises left but I might rethink it. Again thanks.
