Ghosted love
Nearly departed love21 total reviews
Comment from A. Willow Bends
O.K. this is a bit abstract and I love it. This is one of those that comes from a creative mind and I do not understand it for the most part and want to shout: EXPLAIN. THAT being said, the abstract essence of some poetry is what draws me to it, or some of it. I also like the clearly understandable stuff, sometimes. This is creative, unique, leaves the reader guessing or speculating and that is a good thing. Great job and loved the art that goes with it.
Wendy
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O.K. this is a bit abstract and I love it. This is one of those that comes from a creative mind and I do not understand it for the most part and want to shout: EXPLAIN. THAT being said, the abstract essence of some poetry is what draws me to it, or some of it. I also like the clearly understandable stuff, sometimes. This is creative, unique, leaves the reader guessing or speculating and that is a good thing. Great job and loved the art that goes with it.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Jul-2018
Comment from Angela Hayes
Good read, educational, interesting, well presented, good creative thinking to add a post of artistic image, creative use of words, poem has a lot of meaning.
Good Luck!
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Good read, educational, interesting, well presented, good creative thinking to add a post of artistic image, creative use of words, poem has a lot of meaning.
Good Luck!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2018
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has very dramatic imagery which draws the reader in wondering where each line will lead them. One of my favorite lines :"Your silence loud
as New Year revelries. " Silence certainly can be loud. It is deafening. This is a powerful metaphor. Such a destitute soul. If the reader feels nothing here, they are missing a lot. Well written
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This has very dramatic imagery which draws the reader in wondering where each line will lead them. One of my favorite lines :"Your silence loud
as New Year revelries. " Silence certainly can be loud. It is deafening. This is a powerful metaphor. Such a destitute soul. If the reader feels nothing here, they are missing a lot. Well written
Comment Written 12-Jul-2018
Comment from jusylee72
why we wait for someone else to bring us happiness confuses me now, but i sure remember when all I did was seek others to fulfill me. It was a very lonely time, Now I seek only to fulfill my own life and to be an asset and partner to the people I love. It really works.
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why we wait for someone else to bring us happiness confuses me now, but i sure remember when all I did was seek others to fulfill me. It was a very lonely time, Now I seek only to fulfill my own life and to be an asset and partner to the people I love. It really works.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2018
Comment from royowen
It sounds very much like someone returning in thought, to scenes that served as hope for the naive, looking for joy of the bright lights of New Years celebrations, but discovering they were as useless as empty of food. Or discarded bottles of booze, well done great work, excellent phrasing, blessings Roy
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It sounds very much like someone returning in thought, to scenes that served as hope for the naive, looking for joy of the bright lights of New Years celebrations, but discovering they were as useless as empty of food. Or discarded bottles of booze, well done great work, excellent phrasing, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Jul-2018
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
This is excellent. I know very little about open or free verse, but I know (as a reader) what appeals and what narrates well: this piece works on several levels although it is quiet sad in its outlook - perhaps resigned is a better word than sad.
What worked well for me "...Skeletal trees armed / with witches brooms..." and "...every tear wrung out / to salt and ice..." I think, however, the stand out imagery is "...Saddle the unicorn / in a blanket of roses / and jump the hurdle of green hedges / like headlights the dark...." But it is not the unicorn or the roses, but the headlights that is so poignant in these lines: "like headlights (do in) the dark..." as though the narrator having thought the (rather romantic) images of the unicorn and the roses is grounded in the here-and-now of a dark street and the mundane passing of a car - disallowing the belief in fantasy, only connecting with reality.
You lost me a bit on the opening to the second section "...If only your knock / the winter..." I read this as "...If only you'd knock..." I apologize if I have misunderstood.
I think perhaps "...broken-hearted..." and "...slapped-cheeked..." should be hyphenated words? Again, I am not certain but "...changing childs enchanted moon..." seems short of a possessive "s" for '...child's..."
Final nit: "...And we ghosted up a river..." should that be a lower-case 'and'?
I am not trying to doubt your words or be overtly critical - the piece is atmospheric and it works (for me, on me): the notes are just a few passing thoughts, several of which may be un-right !
I wish you well with your writing
cheers
phill
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Hello Anon
This is excellent. I know very little about open or free verse, but I know (as a reader) what appeals and what narrates well: this piece works on several levels although it is quiet sad in its outlook - perhaps resigned is a better word than sad.
What worked well for me "...Skeletal trees armed / with witches brooms..." and "...every tear wrung out / to salt and ice..." I think, however, the stand out imagery is "...Saddle the unicorn / in a blanket of roses / and jump the hurdle of green hedges / like headlights the dark...." But it is not the unicorn or the roses, but the headlights that is so poignant in these lines: "like headlights (do in) the dark..." as though the narrator having thought the (rather romantic) images of the unicorn and the roses is grounded in the here-and-now of a dark street and the mundane passing of a car - disallowing the belief in fantasy, only connecting with reality.
You lost me a bit on the opening to the second section "...If only your knock / the winter..." I read this as "...If only you'd knock..." I apologize if I have misunderstood.
I think perhaps "...broken-hearted..." and "...slapped-cheeked..." should be hyphenated words? Again, I am not certain but "...changing childs enchanted moon..." seems short of a possessive "s" for '...child's..."
Final nit: "...And we ghosted up a river..." should that be a lower-case 'and'?
I am not trying to doubt your words or be overtly critical - the piece is atmospheric and it works (for me, on me): the notes are just a few passing thoughts, several of which may be un-right !
I wish you well with your writing
cheers
phill
Comment Written 05-Jul-2018
Comment from Janet Foor
A thoughtful and thought provoking piece. Vivid imagery throughout.
I loved the line:
Walking through doors
that open only out
to haunts
only the broken hearted
know.
Haunting.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
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A thoughtful and thought provoking piece. Vivid imagery throughout.
I loved the line:
Walking through doors
that open only out
to haunts
only the broken hearted
know.
Haunting.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 03-Jul-2018
Comment from Artasylum
This took a turn for me and I liked it. The courage to take us through this death that was not the easiest to read. Thanks so much and looking forward. yours, diana
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This took a turn for me and I liked it. The courage to take us through this death that was not the easiest to read. Thanks so much and looking forward. yours, diana
Comment Written 03-Jul-2018
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks as if love came and departing like ghost the ghosted love in imagination , came without a favour and returned no favour; well said, well done. Keep Writing Inspire Changing -- DR ALCREATOR
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This speaks as if love came and departing like ghost the ghosted love in imagination , came without a favour and returned no favour; well said, well done. Keep Writing Inspire Changing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 03-Jul-2018
Comment from Lighthouse Keeper
Thanks SF. I enjoyed this. The mood is properly sombre for the subject. Some great ones, particularly "until every tear wrung out to salt and ice." Some of the wording towards the end dislocates me as a fumble through trying to capture the imagery. Very enjoyable. Thanks you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Thanks SF. I enjoyed this. The mood is properly sombre for the subject. Some great ones, particularly "until every tear wrung out to salt and ice." Some of the wording towards the end dislocates me as a fumble through trying to capture the imagery. Very enjoyable. Thanks you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
