Reviews from

My Brothers' Keeper

Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Going Home"
Rachel feels responsible for her brother.

9 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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Yay! She's going to introduce Daniel to her family! That means their relationship is becoming official. I wonder how surprised her family will be with Gray.
Suggestion/Comment:
Daniel could call and reinforced that there (maybe "reconfirmed"? Somehow "reinforced" gives me a very different sense.)

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
    Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and your great comments. Mmm I'll never tell how her family reacts to Gray, lol. I will fix the suggestion shortly. Hugs and smiles!
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
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Hi, Allie. This is a fine piece of writing from start to finish. The concept is original to say the least. I would only suggest that in order to eliminate the "telling" instead of "showing" in parts, you use more imagery and dialogue. Like here, for instance:

"When they got inside, she called her parents. After several minutes of catch up chatting, she asked if it was okay for her and Daniel to visit and that they would be bringing his dog. They were ecstatic and wanted to know when. She further asked if they could hold off calling her brothers to allow her a couple of days for a private visit."

If you use more dialogue and the five sensess the reader will relate to this action much better.

Bless you, my friend. Bob

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thanks so much Bob for reading and reviewing, your suggestion made a lot of sense and I will try to incorporate that idea.
Comment from Pantygynt
Excellent
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Everything seems to be going swimmingly for these two and I wonder if any problems are going to rear their heads before we get to the inevitable wedding day. I have a sort of feeling that the story needs a set back or to before, having overcome them, all ends happily. It's a great read and I am enjoying it hugely.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your kind comments are encouraging.
Comment from Mabaker
Excellent
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I would have given you a six but it seems FS is only going to five. Now to this chapter. I really do enjoy this story and each chapter is perfectly written. It's a great story-line Alie. LoveUAnne

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Awww thank you Anne so much for reading and reviewing. Your kind and encouraging comments mean so much. I think FS allows 6- 6 stars a month then you are limited to 5 for the rest of the month, its the same with nominations. Luv u my friend and welcome back.
Comment from Nanny 6
Excellent
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This chapter reads well with no grammar issues that I could find. Your prelude to the chapter gave me an idea what was going on, so I wasn't lost. Good story line, makes me want to continue reading Your story
Judy

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you Judy for reading and reviewing, your kind comments are encouraging.
Comment from meeshu
Excellent
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a good write, not a lot of action but is very well written and interesting. in the 7th paragraph, I don't think 'reinforced' is quite right...........meeshu

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you for reading and reviewing, I will try to think of something rather than 'reinforced', I appreciate your suggestion.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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Her parents won't know what to make of Daniel and Gray. :)

I saw a wolf eat a chicken once. It was in a show about wild animals. Anyway, the wolf put the whole chicken in its mouth and chomped it and swallowed it down in about five or ten seconds, bones and all. It was scary. That could've been my hand!

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you so much Phyllis for reading and reviewing. Wow, I know a lot of people have seen wild life documentaries about wolves and their eating habits. I have a few friends who have rescued and raised wolves and although they are still wild animals they are very tame and loyal. Gray's behavior is based on a tamed wolf. If I didn't have a large dog and a cat and limited room in our RV, I would definitely have one. (smile).
Comment from poetwatch
Excellent
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This is a good story that I went back and read "Another trip to the village." I have to read more. I love Grey the wolf, an intelligent creature like one of the family. In this story you have Rachael inviting Daniel to her home. Is that a lure for future romance? Or is it a wolf in sheep's clothing? I hope you don't mind if I become a fan.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate your comments. You are most welcome to become a fan, I will have to check out your work, so expect a fan request in return. Gray's story is based on a true wolf who has been around for many years and belongs to a good friend. Yes it is a future romance, darn you figured it out. (smile)
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
Excellent
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Their was a good amount of dialogue between the 2 characters and overall and it all seemed very real and believable, it was another good chapter to the story ð???ð??»ð???ð??»

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you for reading and reviewing I really appreciate your kind comments.