Climb
Mommy loves her great big girl6 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Well, well, someone's in for a shock here. lots of intrigue here, maintained throughout. Good strong atmosphere.
I see you went a little alliterative crazy in here at one point. lol
"Mommy, where are you going? " - spacing before the closing speech mark.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Well, well, someone's in for a shock here. lots of intrigue here, maintained throughout. Good strong atmosphere.
I see you went a little alliterative crazy in here at one point. lol
"Mommy, where are you going? " - spacing before the closing speech mark.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Yeah, that alliteration just kinda happen so I left it in. I didn't even realize it until later, Thank you for what you do best, critiques that are valuable.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Judy, this was interesting and held my attention. I felt sorry for the little girl looking up at the sky in the small breezeway. It is well written and meets the criteria for a flash fiction. You could even write a sequel to this. I have no ideas for improving your story, and best of luck in the 'flash fiction writing contest', cheers, Ana. :)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Hello Judy, this was interesting and held my attention. I felt sorry for the little girl looking up at the sky in the small breezeway. It is well written and meets the criteria for a flash fiction. You could even write a sequel to this. I have no ideas for improving your story, and best of luck in the 'flash fiction writing contest', cheers, Ana. :)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much. Flash fiction is such a wonderful challenge. I think a sequel would be fun. I may take you up on it.
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It definitely lends itself to a sequel, as we want to know what happens to her. Nice write, I enjoyed it. A
Comment from apky
What a fabulous and so cleverly crafted flash fiction for this contest.
I loved how the story was pacey and mysterious, most of what was really going all left open to the reader's interpretation. Absolutely engaging! During the last lines, I found my heart picking up extra speed withe her, keeping my fingers closed for her:
Her Chamber to the left, door to the right.
On impulse, she turned right.
Her steps grew faster. Running now she could not stop.
It stood.
The tree so large now reached over the wall.
The climb felt easy.
"Mommy, I'm coming."
The sun began to rise.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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What a fabulous and so cleverly crafted flash fiction for this contest.
I loved how the story was pacey and mysterious, most of what was really going all left open to the reader's interpretation. Absolutely engaging! During the last lines, I found my heart picking up extra speed withe her, keeping my fingers closed for her:
Her Chamber to the left, door to the right.
On impulse, she turned right.
Her steps grew faster. Running now she could not stop.
It stood.
The tree so large now reached over the wall.
The climb felt easy.
"Mommy, I'm coming."
The sun began to rise.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much. Flash fiction is such a delightful challenge. It was so fun to write.
I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Ulla
Hi July, such a sad story this is. it's very well written and there does seem to be some light at the end of the story. I wish you good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Hi July, such a sad story this is. it's very well written and there does seem to be some light at the end of the story. I wish you good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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thank you so much, flash fiction is so challenging and fun and it really can twist the mind.
Comment from James Edward M
Judy, I enjoyed this quirky story very much. Oh, a mother's love. Your short poem in the middle would probably stand the test of time by itself. Thank you for a wonderful story.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Judy, I enjoyed this quirky story very much. Oh, a mother's love. Your short poem in the middle would probably stand the test of time by itself. Thank you for a wonderful story.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much. Flash fiction is a real challenge and I so enjoyed trying it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well written but depressing piece. The ending was happy, though, which was a nice reward for the reader. You show a dark imagination here. Her life was probably equivalent to being in Hell. Hard to read, but still a fine entry. :)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Well written but depressing piece. The ending was happy, though, which was a nice reward for the reader. You show a dark imagination here. Her life was probably equivalent to being in Hell. Hard to read, but still a fine entry. :)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you Phyllis,, Flash fiction is always a challenge but an interesting one to take on.
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I agree. I love flash fiction. In fact, I just posted one called "Where Is It?" It's labeled "horror' but it's not the bloody sort. You'll see. :)
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I will definitely read it.
