Reviews from

The Field Trip

Two Kids on a bench, one looks up and says...contest entry.

5 total reviews 
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow writer you certainly threw me a curveball with the end of that story I never saw it coming I thought you were describing something else and a nuclear Warhead hit! Now that was not a good ending at all

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2018

reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
    Yeah, that would be a sad ending, alright, a nuke going off less than a mile away from a class of happy children. Sometimes stories don't have happy endings. Thank you for the great review and gracious stars, Mary.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading your contest entry. You did a great job with the prompt. The picture is a great pairing with your words that tell of a specific time in the lives of the 2 children. Your use of descriptive words carries the reader on & makes them wonder, too, about the orange streaks. What a frightful conclusion as to their origin. Good job


and were being exceptionally
good by the soft breeze of the bay. ----?this makes it sound as if the soft breeze is something STANDING beside them & they are being good. ----?and they were being exceptionally good while the soft breeze of the bay . . . .


saw together, in her . . . . ---->I would not put a comma here

Thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Jan

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2018

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the great review and help, Jan. I wasn't sure about the comma right there or not so I took it out. Plus I changed 'by' to 'within.' Hopefully that took care of the prob. I really appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked this dark piece. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
Excellent
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What a twist, I was not expecting that at all, it was tragic and could serve as a great intro to a bigger story, it comments on today's war torn world, it was written well, amazing

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2018

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the fantastic review, Phillip. That's the sad part, how true this could, in the very near future, be. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this dark piece. Have a great day.
Comment from meeshu
Excellent
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what a cute little story, two children watching the world go by. toes in the sand not a care in world. Ruined by the whole nuclear devastation thing. Damn..

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2018

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
    Haha, yeah, what a real bummer of a field trip. I just couldn't resist. Thank you for the great review, meeshu. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this dark piece. Have a great day.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Excellent
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I think this is a good entry for the Two Children writing prompt.
Your story is sunny and light until the end, then it takes a major twist.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2018

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the great review, Sharon. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes.