Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hey, Craig,

Nice job with this tale of warning in a poem. Kids plugged in, with virtual stimulation. I know I try to keep my tv and electronics on the off side, but she probably watches more than she should with me. (At least we are doing something together, I figure... )

without his PC, he'd not last the day.


I hid my sadness as I said, "I'll try"--
(wondered if it would make sense to place the emdash inside the quote, but I'm not sure... seeing it this way made me wonder how I might do it.

I said, "I'll try--"
I said, "I'll try."
I said, "I'll try..."

(not saying you should change yours... the effect I got was that it was a quick continuation, the thought linked directly so... I wasn't confused)

and sometimes let him see the light of day.
(It might not be a matter of let him, but forced him to... Sometimes you really have to give those little birds a hefty shove out the house.)

Nice job with this story in a poem, great rhyme flow and I could see the scene unfold with the point and theme.

One thing I liked about the extraforaneous... is it has an extraterrestrial feel about it... and these days, it's like outside is an alien place, which worked well with the theme of this poem.

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018

Yes, alien for sure, Turtle. And too often, hostile. That's a real shame. No letting the kids roam the streets until dark or beyond these days. Many thanks for another thoughtful review. Craig

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Very well told story in a poem, I think this could have been in a contest if you hadn't already entered that one. I agree that so much is lost when people don't enjoy nature or interact with other people in person. But a six-syllable word instead of four is probably not as useful. You made good use of it.

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Helen. It certainly is a mouthful! Cheers, Craig

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Extraforaneous, my word, well no I mean your word, well you know what I mean.

A totally excellent poem, Craig and some fine advice. It seems the outdoors has become a place you only go if you have to which is great for all the hikers and those people who still enjoy the pristine beauty of sun and sky.

Yes, I can imagine you'd encounter many types of people owning a computer store.

A down home type of poem and the kind I very much enjoy.

A pleasure to read. :)

Gloria

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

Indeed we did. It was a real eye-opener lol

Many thanks, Gloria :)

Craig

Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

Hi Craig. Isn't WII a physical game. My grandkids had it and it was exercise! Of course two of them race dirt bikes and are outside more than in. It is a common probably for many kids and some adults. Good public service message. I had no clue about your word for the day. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

I don't own one, so I can't answer for sure. My understanding is that some of the games involve some physical participation (I guess that's a step up from SuperNintendo), but others don't. I do suspect a real game of tennis on a tennis court beats Wii tennis. Thanks, Pam :)

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem. It is very sad that today's children are more interested.in phones and all kinds of electronic devises and have no clue how it feels to get dirty outside while playing.

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Sandra. Sad, yes, and extremely unhealthy. Most appreciated - Craig

Comment from friartuck

Excellent

A good one! Good sentiment, good balance, and a thought with which I agree wholeheartedly! And I've learned two new words to boot! I'm 76, still learning the language, and today you've added extraforaneous and its antonym, subtegulaneous to my meagre collection!
Thank you!

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

And you've contributed one to mine, although I'd balk at trying to incorporate that one into a poem! I'm sure it's no meagre collection. I'm enjoying learning new words myself - it's getting them to stick that's the hard part. Most grateful, Craig

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hi Craig,

I'm fascinated by the folks in this poem. I think the computer repair people should tell the customer the repair will take two days or more. Then they should recommend the client partake in outdoor activities. We all know that once the computer is fixed the client will be parked inside with it until it breaks down again. The repair store should partner up with bike rentals. I think we have come up with a great idea! I feel better already.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

LOL Joy. Quite the entrepreneur, I see. I wish I had your business acumen! Thanks for the fun review - Craig

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Craig;

The story told within the lines of your poem was sad, and all too true, pertaining to the youth of today. Is it any wonder? A parent can't let a kid out by themselves without fearing some weirdo/pervert will steal them/harm them/shoot them.

I like the new word, and I am keeping it on my list,

~patty~

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

Sad, but true, Patty. Perhaps giving them balls to play with instead of toy guns when they are toddlers might go some way to addressing that? Many thanks, Craig

Comment from jenintorre

Excellent

Hi there Craig. This poem is brilliant as always. It deserves 6 stars but sadly I have none left. You have described this awful situation about kids and computers so well and in perfect rhyme. Cheers Jen.

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Jen. The virtual six is very gratefully received. Cheers, Craig

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Bravo! Good write. I have grandsons who are on their gadgets a lot. But--grownups cannot blame kids. They are copying what they see adults do. An ear to phone all waking ours--in the supermarket, in the car, you name it. Personal relationship have gone to the wayside. Adults have set the example and kids are following it. We all need to be more extraforaneous. Marilyn

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 Comment Written 06-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Marilyn. Agreed, it's quite ridiculous the extent to which adults must be surgically removed from their devices. Cheers, Craig