Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Smoldering Embers"A collection of sonnets
23 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This sonnet, Smoldering Embers, has all the earmarks of a successful sonnet, including meter, rhyme scheme, turn, and theme. The forest theme extends throughout thus piece and you leave room for heat even from the ashes.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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This sonnet, Smoldering Embers, has all the earmarks of a successful sonnet, including meter, rhyme scheme, turn, and theme. The forest theme extends throughout thus piece and you leave room for heat even from the ashes.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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I appreciate the fine analysis. Thank you, Bill.
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Michael, my friend, this is an excellent Shakespearean sonnet. It exemplifies your talents as a poet. We just lost our daughter and " sovereign reigns for I yet yearn..." Love is the seed, the growth painful, and the demise excruciatingly painful. Well done!
Blessings,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Michael, my friend, this is an excellent Shakespearean sonnet. It exemplifies your talents as a poet. We just lost our daughter and " sovereign reigns for I yet yearn..." Love is the seed, the growth painful, and the demise excruciatingly painful. Well done!
Blessings,
Brigitte
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Hi, Brigitte
So nice to hear from you. I am sorry for your loss. Hugs. Thanks so much. Mike :))
Comment from krys123
Cheers Michael;
~~A bang up job writing this and I enjoyed the use of metaphors in conjunction with your conceptual theme.
~~A good sorrowful topic of relationship gone sour and the memories you still have creates a web of other memories, that keeps haunting you.
~~The following are some results, where I used~~punctuationguide.com~~dictionary.com~~and ~~rhymezone.com~~to evaluate these probable issues:>(I'm learning to become professional editor like Robyn) The following may be a little bit over-the-top but that's where, in the future, I'm going to be conducting my reviews. >>>>>
~~"...ev'ry..."~~(FYI...Every is only two syllables word and not needing a contractive
apostrophe.
~#~
~~"I'll care not(COMMA IN-PLACE OF "FOR") all my hopes and foolish dreams"~~
~#~
~~"...of you and joy eternal are(comma) but smoke..."~~
~#~
~~"...from forest burned,(UNWARRANTED, OMIT) with ashes dark'ning streams...~~
~#~
~~this is just an opinionated response:
"...and sadness owes a nod to bliss, [you see?]"~~(While using lines ending, as
"you see?" or "even me" , may just
be a lackadaisical, by choice, using
of these ending words, because of
its simplicity and availability to use
pronouns for rhymes.) [Strictly an
observation]
~#~
~~"You're gone,(OMIT)and sorrow reigns for I yet yearn,"~~(Connective same
thoughts of relativity in
same line are not
separated with a comma.)
~~I took a shot at this verse to try to eliminate pronouns as rhyming words.:>
Still, mem'ries come from somewhere, (THIS IS) true,
(AS GRIEF'S IMPELLED TO BLISS, ETERNALLY~~~(Omitted "?" mark here.)
(AND WHILST I) know of love if not for you?
( ACORN'S LIFE CEASE, IF NOT FOR THE TREE")
-Good luck in the contest, Michael, take care and have a good one.
Alex
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Cheers Michael;
~~A bang up job writing this and I enjoyed the use of metaphors in conjunction with your conceptual theme.
~~A good sorrowful topic of relationship gone sour and the memories you still have creates a web of other memories, that keeps haunting you.
~~The following are some results, where I used~~punctuationguide.com~~dictionary.com~~and ~~rhymezone.com~~to evaluate these probable issues:>(I'm learning to become professional editor like Robyn) The following may be a little bit over-the-top but that's where, in the future, I'm going to be conducting my reviews. >>>>>
~~"...ev'ry..."~~(FYI...Every is only two syllables word and not needing a contractive
apostrophe.
~#~
~~"I'll care not(COMMA IN-PLACE OF "FOR") all my hopes and foolish dreams"~~
~#~
~~"...of you and joy eternal are(comma) but smoke..."~~
~#~
~~"...from forest burned,(UNWARRANTED, OMIT) with ashes dark'ning streams...~~
~#~
~~this is just an opinionated response:
"...and sadness owes a nod to bliss, [you see?]"~~(While using lines ending, as
"you see?" or "even me" , may just
be a lackadaisical, by choice, using
of these ending words, because of
its simplicity and availability to use
pronouns for rhymes.) [Strictly an
observation]
~#~
~~"You're gone,(OMIT)and sorrow reigns for I yet yearn,"~~(Connective same
thoughts of relativity in
same line are not
separated with a comma.)
~~I took a shot at this verse to try to eliminate pronouns as rhyming words.:>
Still, mem'ries come from somewhere, (THIS IS) true,
(AS GRIEF'S IMPELLED TO BLISS, ETERNALLY~~~(Omitted "?" mark here.)
(AND WHILST I) know of love if not for you?
( ACORN'S LIFE CEASE, IF NOT FOR THE TREE")
-Good luck in the contest, Michael, take care and have a good one.
Alex
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2018
Comment from Janet Foor
I enjoyed reading your Shakespearean sonnet Michael. Excellent artwork and presentation to set the tone for this somber piece.
Great rhyme and meter and good use of alliteration.
well done.
blessings
Janet
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I enjoyed reading your Shakespearean sonnet Michael. Excellent artwork and presentation to set the tone for this somber piece.
Great rhyme and meter and good use of alliteration.
well done.
blessings
Janet
Comment Written 27-May-2018
Comment from johnwilson
Yes, and all your own. Of course, we have Shakespeare, Donne (metaphysical), but now I have in my lifetime a Cahill. Long may he pen his poetry of olde...long may he chill to the bone, if that's what it takes to write--he he--great poetry!!!! And I'm glad I have the physical six to say so PROPERLY!
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Yes, and all your own. Of course, we have Shakespeare, Donne (metaphysical), but now I have in my lifetime a Cahill. Long may he pen his poetry of olde...long may he chill to the bone, if that's what it takes to write--he he--great poetry!!!! And I'm glad I have the physical six to say so PROPERLY!
Comment Written 27-May-2018
Comment from ameen786
Love, separation, sadness and yearning...that's life, yes? A brilliant sonnet in meaningful verses and excellent rhymes; thanks for sharing and good luck!
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Love, separation, sadness and yearning...that's life, yes? A brilliant sonnet in meaningful verses and excellent rhymes; thanks for sharing and good luck!
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am happy to get the opportunity to read your contest entry. I'm sure I've previously mentioned I happen to love Shakespearean sonnets. FS has taught me to love them, Your contest entry is wonderful. Good luck, but I doubt you'll need it.
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I am happy to get the opportunity to read your contest entry. I'm sure I've previously mentioned I happen to love Shakespearean sonnets. FS has taught me to love them, Your contest entry is wonderful. Good luck, but I doubt you'll need it.
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from catch22
Hi Michael, I thought the sonnet was excellent in execution of the iambic meter, but the archaic language was off putting for me. My personal preference for poetry is to reflect the times and language of the day, so I had trouble relating to this write. I did like the analogy of the woman you love being the tree that provides fruit and sustenance for you. Very romantic.
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Hi Michael, I thought the sonnet was excellent in execution of the iambic meter, but the archaic language was off putting for me. My personal preference for poetry is to reflect the times and language of the day, so I had trouble relating to this write. I did like the analogy of the woman you love being the tree that provides fruit and sustenance for you. Very romantic.
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from Pantygynt
I enjoyed reading this sonnet that had quite a Shakespearean ring to it as well as a neat trochaic substitution on the first two feet of line four. That sort of thing is typically Shakespearean and makes him a more interesting sonneteer than his contemporary Spenser who was almost as much a stickler for the rules sa some FS revviewers and content sponsors.
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I enjoyed reading this sonnet that had quite a Shakespearean ring to it as well as a neat trochaic substitution on the first two feet of line four. That sort of thing is typically Shakespearean and makes him a more interesting sonneteer than his contemporary Spenser who was almost as much a stickler for the rules sa some FS revviewers and content sponsors.
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from dragonpoet
Nice poem of mourning the loss of a relationship but also realizing that without it you would never know what love is. It also shows hope of love in the future.
Keep writing
Joan
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Nice poem of mourning the loss of a relationship but also realizing that without it you would never know what love is. It also shows hope of love in the future.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 26-May-2018
