Sins of Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "She-Wolf/Part Two"A Novel of the Breedline series
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You've written a good paragraph to bring the reader up to speed on the changes which have occurred. An interesting approach is to let us know where Abby is even before Steven does. This tactic draws the reader in. It strokes their ego to know more than the seeker or it urges them to want to tell him. I remember my grandmother wrote a letter to a character on a soap opera to warn them not to trust another character. You developed the memory scene very creatively and interestingly. Some other writer might bore the reader with details but this is excellent. You create good suspense for more. even to the end. Well written. I will be back
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019
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You've written a good paragraph to bring the reader up to speed on the changes which have occurred. An interesting approach is to let us know where Abby is even before Steven does. This tactic draws the reader in. It strokes their ego to know more than the seeker or it urges them to want to tell him. I remember my grandmother wrote a letter to a character on a soap opera to warn them not to trust another character. You developed the memory scene very creatively and interestingly. Some other writer might bore the reader with details but this is excellent. You create good suspense for more. even to the end. Well written. I will be back
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019
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Thank you, Liz :)
This is such a nice review. You made my day! I do enjoy writing about Steven and Abby's characters. They have a tortured past growing up together and eventually falling in love. I'm a sucker for a cheesy love story.
So glad you mentioned the part where I made sure new readers knew what was going on in the story so far. This is the fourth series of the Novels of the Breedline and a lot has happened with many characters. I'm surprised I can keep up. Lol!
I loved the part about your grandmother. I remember mine getting all caught up with soap opera's too. It's funny how we can get invested in fiction characters. I do the same thing.
Thank you for taking the time to read my chapter. Hope to hear back from you. If you are interested in reading more, and you spot something I've missed, please let me know. I always have to do some editing with my books over and over. Everything helps. This is why I like to write on FanStory. So many helpful people here with great advice. I have grown as a writer because of this, and continue to do so.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
Abbey is searching for Stephen, but she kills Dr. Autanbergh, by turning into her Adalwolf. She starts to search and rescue her soulmate Stephen bur is rescued from her dilemma by Roman another of the Californian breedline. Your ability to keep adjusting the supernatural forms of these super-breeds is amazing dear Shana. Each series is refreshingly different, creating new forms of evil characters. Even reforming evil characters, through the transforming power of God. Well done, dear girl, excellent job blessings Roy.
(Presumably the Adalwolf have power to self-heal, because Abbey was shot)
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Abbey is searching for Stephen, but she kills Dr. Autanbergh, by turning into her Adalwolf. She starts to search and rescue her soulmate Stephen bur is rescued from her dilemma by Roman another of the Californian breedline. Your ability to keep adjusting the supernatural forms of these super-breeds is amazing dear Shana. Each series is refreshingly different, creating new forms of evil characters. Even reforming evil characters, through the transforming power of God. Well done, dear girl, excellent job blessings Roy.
(Presumably the Adalwolf have power to self-heal, because Abbey was shot)
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
I really enjoy writing about Miss Abbey. Her she-wolf is nothing to mess around with. All she wants is her freedom, living a normal life with her beloved Steven. Abbey is a Lupa and Steven is the Adalwolf. Only a silver bullet to the heart will kill her and nothing will kill Steven. You will learn he has healing powers he doesn't realize.
As the story moves on, you'll met new exciting characters with special abilities.
And yes... the power of God will be throughout my story, especially at the end with the help of his battle angels.
Thanks for your support and encouraging words. As always, you bring light into my day.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Wonderfully done dear girl,
Comment from ngage
Shana, I am left speechless. This chapter goes beyond my expectations.
You have managed to dazzle me with your new series so far, but this chapter is the best yet.
You bring Abbey's she-wolf to life! The descriptions of her shifting is spot on! I could imagine it all as I read along.
Superb writing.
Looking forward to more!
Your fan,
Nate
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Shana, I am left speechless. This chapter goes beyond my expectations.
You have managed to dazzle me with your new series so far, but this chapter is the best yet.
You bring Abbey's she-wolf to life! The descriptions of her shifting is spot on! I could imagine it all as I read along.
Superb writing.
Looking forward to more!
Your fan,
Nate
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you, Nate :)
You are too kind, but I love every word! You definitely build my confidence my dear friend. I can't thank you enough for all your support. I hope to continue to dazzle you.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from apky
I hope that Abbey will be all right with Roman and Lawrence, poor thing. If the two turn out to be evil, I dare not think what will become of Abbey after she went to so much trouble to kill the doctor and his guards and escape.
A chilling tale that gave me goose bumps even as I devoured every word. As I said before: You're in your elements here.
With an insatiable hunger for human flesh and unmanageable powers, they became a hindrance to the physician as they aged. ~ I think you should use another word instead of "aged", which implies getting old and weak. Perhaps even a simple "as they grew".
"I'm an Adalwolf, too," he(he or she?) said, wiping at the moisture on her cheeks.
Aah, reading further, I now know it's "he", Roman, who is the Adelwolf.
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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I hope that Abbey will be all right with Roman and Lawrence, poor thing. If the two turn out to be evil, I dare not think what will become of Abbey after she went to so much trouble to kill the doctor and his guards and escape.
A chilling tale that gave me goose bumps even as I devoured every word. As I said before: You're in your elements here.
With an insatiable hunger for human flesh and unmanageable powers, they became a hindrance to the physician as they aged. ~ I think you should use another word instead of "aged", which implies getting old and weak. Perhaps even a simple "as they grew".
"I'm an Adalwolf, too," he(he or she?) said, wiping at the moisture on her cheeks.
Aah, reading further, I now know it's "he", Roman, who is the Adelwolf.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
I was anxious to hear your feedback. In this chapter, I wanted to show how fierce Abbey's she-wolf could be. I love the bond she has for Steven. I wanted the reader to know she would go to any limit to get free and search for him.
I agree with your advice. The word aged does make them sound old. You're such a great help!
Thank you for all your support. Not only is it great to hear feedback, but to get helpful advice is a plus.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Anything I can do to assist you, darling, is my joy.
Comment from HaleyBel
Wow! Very interesting stuff. I haven't been so captivated by werewolves since the American Werewolf in London. I think that is what it was called. Your story drew me in and kept me there. I was interested in your glossary and would read more. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Wow! Very interesting stuff. I haven't been so captivated by werewolves since the American Werewolf in London. I think that is what it was called. Your story drew me in and kept me there. I was interested in your glossary and would read more. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you, Haley :)
I'm so excited my story drew you in. That's the best feedback!
I do love a good werewolf/vampire story, and I remember American Werewolf in London. That gave me nightmares for days! LOL!
Hopefully you will see more in my story. My dream is to give the reader action, suspense, romance, and always a good ending. I'm not into bad endings. I love the fairy tale stories.
Looking forward to hearing from you again. Stay tuned... more adventures of the Breedline to come.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Artasylum
I wouldn't want to cross Abbey. Getting eaten and watching my limbs being ripped off isn't my idea of the way to die. This is so interesting. The clan is fun to get to know and I'm looking forward. yours, diana
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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I wouldn't want to cross Abbey. Getting eaten and watching my limbs being ripped off isn't my idea of the way to die. This is so interesting. The clan is fun to get to know and I'm looking forward. yours, diana
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you, Diana :)
I agree... I wouldn't cross Miss Abbey either. LOL!
I'm glad you enjoyed my chapter. Stay tuned... more Breedline adventures to come.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very interesting story. It grabbed my attention at the start and held it to the end. The description and action were perfect. I just hope they meant what they said that they're going to help Abbey. I loved how you gave us definitions at the end that was a big help.
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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This is a very interesting story. It grabbed my attention at the start and held it to the end. The description and action were perfect. I just hope they meant what they said that they're going to help Abbey. I loved how you gave us definitions at the end that was a big help.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Thank you, Mistydawn :)
It's great to hear my chapter grabbed your attention and held it to the end. Perfect! That's exactly what I want my reader to feel. Your encouraging feedback is so enlightening. I'm smiling.
Thanks for mentioning the definitions at the end. Since this is the fourth series, I want to make sure readers can get to know my characters. And don't worry. Roman and Lawrence are the good guys.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
