My Morning.
A contest entry8 total reviews
Comment from Azure Sigh
I liked this a lot. The ending twist was a great one. I think the actual moment of the reveal could have been better...maybe it just threw me off because I can't visualize the line, "I slumped to the floor, in shock." But the setup for that was really good, getting all the details about who he is and how he spent this morning that didn't actually happen. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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I liked this a lot. The ending twist was a great one. I think the actual moment of the reveal could have been better...maybe it just threw me off because I can't visualize the line, "I slumped to the floor, in shock." But the setup for that was really good, getting all the details about who he is and how he spent this morning that didn't actually happen. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Thank you for reading and reviewing and for the good luck wishes. I really appreciate your comments, I was hoping for the total surprise effect.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a terrific story. A strong entry for the contest. I wonder if that is how it really is. I hope so. Most people, I think, would prefer to die in their sleep. Great job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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This is a terrific story. A strong entry for the contest. I wonder if that is how it really is. I hope so. Most people, I think, would prefer to die in their sleep. Great job. Marilyn
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Thanks for the great comments, it would be nice, wouldn't it to die in your sleep.
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Yes, since dying is inevitable, I think in our sleep is best.
Comment from Harry Smith
The reader was surprised after reading this short story that is filled with imagery and emotions. This should do good in the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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The reader was surprised after reading this short story that is filled with imagery and emotions. This should do good in the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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Thank you so much for reviewing and your kind comments and keen observations and of course the good luck wishes.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
This is a good solid piece. nice turnaround with the ending too.
gargling with mouth wash - mouthwash could be a single word here.
navy-blue suit complimented with a navy - in this instance I believe it should be complemented.
I did as part of my morning routine checked my look - I think it should be check here for a smoother read.
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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hi there,
This is a good solid piece. nice turnaround with the ending too.
gargling with mouth wash - mouthwash could be a single word here.
navy-blue suit complimented with a navy - in this instance I believe it should be complemented.
I did as part of my morning routine checked my look - I think it should be check here for a smoother read.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind comments and very keen observations. I will correct those errors in a few moments.
Comment from Poetic Friend
Oh my, the ending certainly surprised me. What a twist! I never saw it coming.
As I reading the story, I kept wondering where was the author going with this story and how was the story going to end.
This story is a clear indication that 1) tomorrow is not promised 2) the unpredictability of life and 3) Humans really do not have control.
Good luck in the contest. I have inclination that this story will do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Oh my, the ending certainly surprised me. What a twist! I never saw it coming.
As I reading the story, I kept wondering where was the author going with this story and how was the story going to end.
This story is a clear indication that 1) tomorrow is not promised 2) the unpredictability of life and 3) Humans really do not have control.
Good luck in the contest. I have inclination that this story will do well in the contest.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind comments and very keen observations. And thank you so much for the good luck wishes and of course the six stars.
Comment from mvbrooks
The ending was a surprise as the tone seemed to suggest the narrator may possibly be contemplating suicide--there was a sense of despair--which was suiting to the story.
A suggestion -- consider changing the order of the opening sentences to improve clarity/flow: (it puts the non-use of the alarm next to "creature of habit" and doesn't interrupt the description of this "typical day")
instead of (current version)
I really hate to think this phrase, but today was just a typical day for me. You know, the type that starts with getting out of bed, heading to the bathroom for a quick wake me up shower. Brushing my teeth, gargling with mouth wash was included in the morning shower task.
I had an alarm clock, but I never set it, there was no need to do so.
I tend to be a creature of habit. I always have a great cleansing shower before going to bed. It just feels great to go to bed feeling clean
CHANGE TO (move sentence two ...
I really hate to think this phrase, but today was just a typical day for me. I had an alarm clock, but I never set it, there was no need to do so.
You know, the type that starts with getting out of bed, heading to the bathroom for a quick wake me up shower. Brushing my teeth, gargling with mouth wash was included in the morning shower task.
I tend to be a creature of habit. I always have a great cleansing shower before going to bed. It just feels great to go to bed feeling clean
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Need to fix a verb tense:
original: Although I did not consider myself to be vain, I did as part of my morning routine checked my look in the full length mirror. I stepped up to inspect.
change to:
Although I did not consider myself to be vain, I did check my look in the full length mirror as part of my morning routine. (change "checked" to "check")
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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The ending was a surprise as the tone seemed to suggest the narrator may possibly be contemplating suicide--there was a sense of despair--which was suiting to the story.
A suggestion -- consider changing the order of the opening sentences to improve clarity/flow: (it puts the non-use of the alarm next to "creature of habit" and doesn't interrupt the description of this "typical day")
instead of (current version)
I really hate to think this phrase, but today was just a typical day for me. You know, the type that starts with getting out of bed, heading to the bathroom for a quick wake me up shower. Brushing my teeth, gargling with mouth wash was included in the morning shower task.
I had an alarm clock, but I never set it, there was no need to do so.
I tend to be a creature of habit. I always have a great cleansing shower before going to bed. It just feels great to go to bed feeling clean
CHANGE TO (move sentence two ...
I really hate to think this phrase, but today was just a typical day for me. I had an alarm clock, but I never set it, there was no need to do so.
You know, the type that starts with getting out of bed, heading to the bathroom for a quick wake me up shower. Brushing my teeth, gargling with mouth wash was included in the morning shower task.
I tend to be a creature of habit. I always have a great cleansing shower before going to bed. It just feels great to go to bed feeling clean
--------------
Need to fix a verb tense:
original: Although I did not consider myself to be vain, I did as part of my morning routine checked my look in the full length mirror. I stepped up to inspect.
change to:
Although I did not consider myself to be vain, I did check my look in the full length mirror as part of my morning routine. (change "checked" to "check")
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind comments and very keen observations. I will correct those errors in a few moments.
Comment from humpwhistle
Well, you did surprise me. And I see how you constructed the piece to avoid the mirror--shaving, gargling in the shower. Clever.
But you were so intent on the bang-up ending, you neglected the beginning and the middle. Do readers want to read about a boring character with a boring life?
I'm just asking.
Best of luck. Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Well, you did surprise me. And I see how you constructed the piece to avoid the mirror--shaving, gargling in the shower. Clever.
But you were so intent on the bang-up ending, you neglected the beginning and the middle. Do readers want to read about a boring character with a boring life?
I'm just asking.
Best of luck. Peace, Lee
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind comments and very keen observations. A good point. Thanks for the good luck wishes.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Surprise Me writing prompt.
Your short story is well told and has the required surprise ending.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Surprise Me writing prompt.
Your short story is well told and has the required surprise ending.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind comments and very keen observations. Thank you as well for the good luck wishes.
