Morning Coffee, Dear Love?
six line poem10 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This six-line poem, Morning Coffee, Dear Love, uses forty words to associate the coffee metaphors with a sense of a decaffeinated relationship.
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This six-line poem, Morning Coffee, Dear Love, uses forty words to associate the coffee metaphors with a sense of a decaffeinated relationship.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2018
Comment from victor 66
A most ingenious, clever and humorous six line poem. You have not one wasted word, Your presentation is artfully and skillfully done. And, I really enjoyed the honesty and yet the humor of your work. Best wishes.
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A most ingenious, clever and humorous six line poem. You have not one wasted word, Your presentation is artfully and skillfully done. And, I really enjoyed the honesty and yet the humor of your work. Best wishes.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2018
Comment from karenina
A truly fine six line poem which bemoans a love left luke warm where once steam arose from passion' s sheets. A melancholy observation. Not without hope...
Karenina
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A truly fine six line poem which bemoans a love left luke warm where once steam arose from passion' s sheets. A melancholy observation. Not without hope...
Karenina
Comment Written 13-Apr-2018
Comment from Mistydawn
What a sad poem about love that's gone bad. It's well-written, very descriptive. Your great word choice paints a heartbreaking picture. Your great use of similies really adds to the despair. Nice job.
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What a sad poem about love that's gone bad. It's well-written, very descriptive. Your great word choice paints a heartbreaking picture. Your great use of similies really adds to the despair. Nice job.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, great poem for the competition, and best of luck. Your writing is descriptive and has some good images. Nothing quite like that first coffee of the day, it gets you up and atom. I am a tea-aholic, too. I think I would part with a lot of things before my cup of tea. I saw no errors and the publishing choices with the picture make this a really enjoyable verse, thanks for sharing it, Ana.
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Hello, great poem for the competition, and best of luck. Your writing is descriptive and has some good images. Nothing quite like that first coffee of the day, it gets you up and atom. I am a tea-aholic, too. I think I would part with a lot of things before my cup of tea. I saw no errors and the publishing choices with the picture make this a really enjoyable verse, thanks for sharing it, Ana.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
Comment from RodG
I like the premise of your poem, but your format--using monorhyme--makes some of your lines confusing. For clarity sake, may I suggest rephrasing line 2 this way: the steam ARISING--love's mirage.
In line 4, I do not know who's doing the "preferring, the Speaker or her alleged lover or what is "cajoled."
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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I like the premise of your poem, but your format--using monorhyme--makes some of your lines confusing. For clarity sake, may I suggest rephrasing line 2 this way: the steam ARISING--love's mirage.
In line 4, I do not know who's doing the "preferring, the Speaker or her alleged lover or what is "cajoled."
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Thanks for your careful and detailed review. I suppose I'm not clear how "arising" makes it more clear than "arises", but i'll certainly give it more thought and consider it.
In line 4, the word is "proffered", meaning to offer. So it's the author "offering the saucer and the "warmth is cajoled" or, in other words, pretended. That's the best I can do. LOL Maybe it is too confusing. Thanks for your input. Constructive critique is ALWAYS appreciated. :)) Anon
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(1) read lines 1 & 2 together. The morning coffee is meant to camouflage the steam [that is] arising.
(2) It?s not clear who is ?proffering ? the saucer. Also ?cajole? means to persuade, not to pretend.
I am glad you appreciate constructive criticism. Rod
Comment from moonsunrise
This is a very nicely written poem with good image selection as well. I like your choice of words "hot coffee just the thing to camoflage ", "alas what is left inside has turned cold", "there's nothing perculating, all's grow cold".
Morning coffee dear love....Great title - sounded like a positive romantic poem but surprised me when I started to read it.
Goodbye to a lost love or soon to be lost love.
Thanks for sharing.
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This is a very nicely written poem with good image selection as well. I like your choice of words "hot coffee just the thing to camoflage ", "alas what is left inside has turned cold", "there's nothing perculating, all's grow cold".
Morning coffee dear love....Great title - sounded like a positive romantic poem but surprised me when I started to read it.
Goodbye to a lost love or soon to be lost love.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Six Line Poem writing prompt.
Your well written verse describes using coffee to hide the coldness you feel inside.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the Six Line Poem writing prompt.
Your well written verse describes using coffee to hide the coldness you feel inside.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
Comment from Pamusart
I am not going to mark you down. But, the font is impossible for me to read. Do you know how to see your poem tha way we do? Just go to your portfolio and click on the title of this work. It will take you to the screen I see. I will have to skip next time. Thank you for sharing. This is a contest so it is silly to make your entry have a disadvantage over others by making it difficult to read. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
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I am not going to mark you down. But, the font is impossible for me to read. Do you know how to see your poem tha way we do? Just go to your portfolio and click on the title of this work. It will take you to the screen I see. I will have to skip next time. Thank you for sharing. This is a contest so it is silly to make your entry have a disadvantage over others by making it difficult to read. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
Comment from nordicgirl
Wow. This is a rather beautifully written piece. I wasn't expecting that in such a short one. In any case, a great and dad tale with gorgeous wording. Love it. NG
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Wow. This is a rather beautifully written piece. I wasn't expecting that in such a short one. In any case, a great and dad tale with gorgeous wording. Love it. NG
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
