A Knock on the Door
The ancestral journey of a stranger on Sacred Land7 total reviews
Comment from frogbook
Great story -well written-I must be dense but I am not sure I understood the repeating knock at the end, or was that just reminiscing about the 1st knock? If so I would put it as a separate line at the end. But if I'm missing something then let me know. Excellent.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Great story -well written-I must be dense but I am not sure I understood the repeating knock at the end, or was that just reminiscing about the 1st knock? If so I would put it as a separate line at the end. But if I'm missing something then let me know. Excellent.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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You're not dense.To wonder is not to be dense. It is merely to wonder. The second knock is a "clever" technique. Ending as it began. My intent is to leave the reader wondering as you did. Some think it is the stranger returning. Some wonder if it is someone with a similar complaint. Others figure it is someone with an entirely different purpose. Thank you
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Ah-Ok, I did read it right then. Thanks for writing back.
Comment from emereaux
Thank you for this beautiful story. You captured so beautifully that which should always be remembered, respected and worshiped. The voices of the past speaking out loud with with vehemence at what has become...No respect for the land or those sacred bodies who lay within, interred deep in mother earth. There was a knock on the door, indeed.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thank you for this beautiful story. You captured so beautifully that which should always be remembered, respected and worshiped. The voices of the past speaking out loud with with vehemence at what has become...No respect for the land or those sacred bodies who lay within, interred deep in mother earth. There was a knock on the door, indeed.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
These actually are around my property and adjacent properties. It is quite a blessing for me to have this kind of energy around me, although the cairn field across the road is a very pensive spot. I'm glad you appreciated one of my intents, to communicate what you sensed.
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: )
Comment from w.j.debi
Nicely told tale. What s patient person to listen before speaking. A trait of the wise that is so seldom demonstrated these days. It is with this wise trait that the main character is able to consol and enlighten the visitor. You leave the reader curious as to the identity of the new person at the door. The return of the first visitor to express gratitude, or someone new with the same complaint?
Inblieve you are missing a word in this sentence:
The living were fleeing the Europeans as they tried to make their way (to) Canada.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Nicely told tale. What s patient person to listen before speaking. A trait of the wise that is so seldom demonstrated these days. It is with this wise trait that the main character is able to consol and enlighten the visitor. You leave the reader curious as to the identity of the new person at the door. The return of the first visitor to express gratitude, or someone new with the same complaint?
Inblieve you are missing a word in this sentence:
The living were fleeing the Europeans as they tried to make their way (to) Canada.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your head-up on the missing word. I am glad you appreciate my curious ending and affirmed my intent in creating a compassionate character.
Comment from nor84
I wanted to give you a head's up review. The contest says the first sentence has to be: Write a story that starts with this sentence: There was a knock ON the door.
The first sentence in your entry is: There was a knock AT the door.
You still have time to change the wording.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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I wanted to give you a head's up review. The contest says the first sentence has to be: Write a story that starts with this sentence: There was a knock ON the door.
The first sentence in your entry is: There was a knock AT the door.
You still have time to change the wording.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the head-up. I've changed it a couple of times. Massive ADD. By your writing in caps it stuck... thank you...I have changed it to be correct.
Comment from Beck Fenton
I think you have a gift for drawing the reader along. The sacred mystery of the forest is well known to me. I call the woods God's Cathedral.
I liked how you took a very scary situation and turned down the volume from wild and possibly dangerous to one of respect. Keep on writing!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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I think you have a gift for drawing the reader along. The sacred mystery of the forest is well known to me. I call the woods God's Cathedral.
I liked how you took a very scary situation and turned down the volume from wild and possibly dangerous to one of respect. Keep on writing!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your expression of appreciation for my intent to draw the reader in and to show how there are ways out of difficult situations.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
This certainly addresses the writing prompt. I enjoyed your detail and descriptive writing. I think your opening paragraph is good but I do have a suggestion how to improve it, as the beginning is important.
We were brought up to address people as Mr., Mrs., and Miss. The title Ms. wasn't in our vocabulary as yet. And to always make them feel welcome
This paragraph could be reworked as you don't need the full stops after Mr and Mrs anymore. That would clean up that bit of punctuation, and there is no full stop at the end of the sentence, and also, I would put this: '...And always to make them feel welcome...' after '...vocabulary as yet. In between those two sentences, so it would read:
We were brought up to address people as Mr, Mrs, and Miss, and to always make them feel welcome. The title Ms, wasn't in our vocabulary, as yet.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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This certainly addresses the writing prompt. I enjoyed your detail and descriptive writing. I think your opening paragraph is good but I do have a suggestion how to improve it, as the beginning is important.
We were brought up to address people as Mr., Mrs., and Miss. The title Ms. wasn't in our vocabulary as yet. And to always make them feel welcome
This paragraph could be reworked as you don't need the full stops after Mr and Mrs anymore. That would clean up that bit of punctuation, and there is no full stop at the end of the sentence, and also, I would put this: '...And always to make them feel welcome...' after '...vocabulary as yet. In between those two sentences, so it would read:
We were brought up to address people as Mr, Mrs, and Miss, and to always make them feel welcome. The title Ms, wasn't in our vocabulary, as yet.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the improvements. It does look much cleaner. I enjoy your reviews.
Comment from Pamusart
First, let's get this out of the way. Your entry does not meet the contest rules. But, it is fixed easily. You forgot the "a" in "There was a knock at the door". The contest entry must stop with that. It is a good entry for the contest. The storyis well written with nice imagery. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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First, let's get this out of the way. Your entry does not meet the contest rules. But, it is fixed easily. You forgot the "a" in "There was a knock at the door". The contest entry must stop with that. It is a good entry for the contest. The storyis well written with nice imagery. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the heads-up. I'm glad you appreciated my imagery. I love working with that figure of speech.
