Pecos Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 10: People of the Horse"Ride the trail with Wyatt and the Bar JS Wranglers
15 total reviews
Comment from apky
Poor Laurel, but she needed to learn that often looks and manners deceive. Besides, there are those times in life when each single one of the human race is very well capable of killing another in order to preserve the self or the loved ones.
Once again I enjoyed your story which continues to draw me in and keep me entertained. It also has some hard facts that are so true in real life as well.
Very well woven and written.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Poor Laurel, but she needed to learn that often looks and manners deceive. Besides, there are those times in life when each single one of the human race is very well capable of killing another in order to preserve the self or the loved ones.
Once again I enjoyed your story which continues to draw me in and keep me entertained. It also has some hard facts that are so true in real life as well.
Very well woven and written.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Always appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Well done, I saw no errors and have no suggestions for improvement. I do enjoy westerns. Haven't read many, but loved all the Clint Eastwood movies, Tombstone is another favorite. Looking forward to more. Roxanna
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Well done, I saw no errors and have no suggestions for improvement. I do enjoy westerns. Haven't read many, but loved all the Clint Eastwood movies, Tombstone is another favorite. Looking forward to more. Roxanna
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Swampfox1
The writing flows well and I like the prose, love the western stuff. I like the beginning and the shootout and the capture. Great job on this . Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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The writing flows well and I like the prose, love the western stuff. I like the beginning and the shootout and the capture. Great job on this . Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
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You're welcome
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You're welcome.
Comment from Bels
What a great chapter... Love stories about ranches and horses. The picture caption is so clean and elaborate, although I would urge that you should go next time for a more precise caption; like that of "a dead man", to give the reader a surreal view of what he hopes to read. Good work all the same.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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What a great chapter... Love stories about ranches and horses. The picture caption is so clean and elaborate, although I would urge that you should go next time for a more precise caption; like that of "a dead man", to give the reader a surreal view of what he hopes to read. Good work all the same.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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First you state this is a "great chapter". Then you offer it three stars. Therefore, your review possesses no credibility at all. I realize you are new to FanStory. However, before you critique a book chapter you need to read a previous chapter or two and get a real clue of what is occurring in the chapter you review and why it will occur. It is obvious that your comment about a more precise caption like that of "a dead man" proves you had no idea of the events that would happen in this chapter or what led up to this point in the story, or why a certain caption may be used.
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OK, you have a point cause I haven't read the previous chapters
Comment from jusylee72
An interesting and well-written story of the wild west. Your use of dialogue moves the story on well and makes it very believable. Life was indeed different in those days. I will continue to follow this story.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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An interesting and well-written story of the wild west. Your use of dialogue moves the story on well and makes it very believable. Life was indeed different in those days. I will continue to follow this story.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate your comments.
Comment from Janilou
It's always a little tricky to come in to a story at an advanced chapter and try to pick up what's going on, or how the characters are interacting with each other and if this is expected or unexpected.
That said, I tried to focus mainly on the flow of the writing, and have suggested a few things below for your consideration but first I do want to say that this paragraph here was excellent in its description and really brought the scene to life before my eyes:
The mountain resembled the head and hump of a kneeling camel. Brittlebushes, lavenders, sunflowers and other colorful wildflowers grew in abundance in the area. A cave on the north side of the mountain was a hidey-hole for weary renegades, outlaws, and stagecoach robbers pursued by posses. Fierce Apache, Navajo, Hopi, and Paiutes used the cave for shelter.
Excellent!
Notes for your consideration:
Two things here. The quotation mark needs to be backspaced so it is next to the word nothing,
"A lot you know about nothing, (")Ernestine Eloy said as she glared at Jed Brownstock, "what about the wagon train that went into the canyon and never came out again? Or the three side-by-side graves?"
And second, I believe it would flow better like this:
"A lot you know about nothing," Ernestine Eloy said as she glared at Jed Brownstock. "What about the wagon train that went into the canyon and never came out again? Or the three side-by-side graves?"
In other words with an end to the first sentence and starting the second one with "What...
Suddenly, a shot rang out and the stagecoach growled to a halt.
I don't think you need the word "Suddenly" in this sentence.
Gunshots are sudden, so most readers would assume this to be the case. Just a thought.
man laid dead in the middle of the trail, a .45 was by his right hand and blood stained his leather vest.
Not sure on this one, but from what I've read, most smaller numbers are spelled out. I just looked it up and there are arguments as to which one is correct in the case of a gun. One said, .45 and the other said, "No, write it out ... forty-five. Sigh. I've struggled with this in my own writing. You're probably correct writing .45
Falling in a series of miniature cascades, (the) Elk Stream, with its rushing rapids, plunged into a capacious basin surrounded by colossal cliff walls.
If the name of the stream is "Elk Stream" I suggest removing the word 'the'
and writing:
Falling in a series of miniature cascades, Elk Stream, with its rushing rapids, plunged into a capacious basin surrounded by colossal cliff walls.
I hope this helps!
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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It's always a little tricky to come in to a story at an advanced chapter and try to pick up what's going on, or how the characters are interacting with each other and if this is expected or unexpected.
That said, I tried to focus mainly on the flow of the writing, and have suggested a few things below for your consideration but first I do want to say that this paragraph here was excellent in its description and really brought the scene to life before my eyes:
The mountain resembled the head and hump of a kneeling camel. Brittlebushes, lavenders, sunflowers and other colorful wildflowers grew in abundance in the area. A cave on the north side of the mountain was a hidey-hole for weary renegades, outlaws, and stagecoach robbers pursued by posses. Fierce Apache, Navajo, Hopi, and Paiutes used the cave for shelter.
Excellent!
Notes for your consideration:
Two things here. The quotation mark needs to be backspaced so it is next to the word nothing,
"A lot you know about nothing, (")Ernestine Eloy said as she glared at Jed Brownstock, "what about the wagon train that went into the canyon and never came out again? Or the three side-by-side graves?"
And second, I believe it would flow better like this:
"A lot you know about nothing," Ernestine Eloy said as she glared at Jed Brownstock. "What about the wagon train that went into the canyon and never came out again? Or the three side-by-side graves?"
In other words with an end to the first sentence and starting the second one with "What...
Suddenly, a shot rang out and the stagecoach growled to a halt.
I don't think you need the word "Suddenly" in this sentence.
Gunshots are sudden, so most readers would assume this to be the case. Just a thought.
man laid dead in the middle of the trail, a .45 was by his right hand and blood stained his leather vest.
Not sure on this one, but from what I've read, most smaller numbers are spelled out. I just looked it up and there are arguments as to which one is correct in the case of a gun. One said, .45 and the other said, "No, write it out ... forty-five. Sigh. I've struggled with this in my own writing. You're probably correct writing .45
Falling in a series of miniature cascades, (the) Elk Stream, with its rushing rapids, plunged into a capacious basin surrounded by colossal cliff walls.
If the name of the stream is "Elk Stream" I suggest removing the word 'the'
and writing:
Falling in a series of miniature cascades, Elk Stream, with its rushing rapids, plunged into a capacious basin surrounded by colossal cliff walls.
I hope this helps!
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Very in depth and much appreciated review. The changes made as needed. Unfortunately out of nominations for reviewer of the month for March otherwise you certainly would receive one. Thanks.
Comment from judiverse
Great story you have going here, and worthy of the six star treatment. Laurel's plight must have been like that of many women of the time. They made the trip expecting to be married, but weren't sure what they were getting. Hayden sounds like a cold-blooded type, especially when he take the Colt of the man he just shot. Sounds like he was interested in settling down with Laurel, though. The details about Ernestine and her nagging disposition and determination to win the much younger Hayden are interesting. The romantic details will broaden interest in the story, I believe. Excellent sense of time and place conveyed in the story. If this portion is told through young Wyatt's point of view, the language doesn't fit his style. judi
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Great story you have going here, and worthy of the six star treatment. Laurel's plight must have been like that of many women of the time. They made the trip expecting to be married, but weren't sure what they were getting. Hayden sounds like a cold-blooded type, especially when he take the Colt of the man he just shot. Sounds like he was interested in settling down with Laurel, though. The details about Ernestine and her nagging disposition and determination to win the much younger Hayden are interesting. The romantic details will broaden interest in the story, I believe. Excellent sense of time and place conveyed in the story. If this portion is told through young Wyatt's point of view, the language doesn't fit his style. judi
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments, the review, and the six stars.
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You're quite welcome. judi
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter, mate. Very picturesque in the telling and the surroundings. Keep up the good work. Keen to know where this is going. Found out the other day, I have another year on FS.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Another good chapter, mate. Very picturesque in the telling and the surroundings. Keep up the good work. Keen to know where this is going. Found out the other day, I have another year on FS.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Always appreciate your comments and reviews.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well I think Mrs. Eloy needs to look past a cowboy who is
thirty years younger. He won't want any part of her. Besides he is already taken by the lovely Laurel Cordova. He can think of nothing else. Exciting chapter Brett. Well done.Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Well I think Mrs. Eloy needs to look past a cowboy who is
thirty years younger. He won't want any part of her. Besides he is already taken by the lovely Laurel Cordova. He can think of nothing else. Exciting chapter Brett. Well done.Nancy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Wetbelly01
Oh yeah!... This story is movin' along real nicely...
Didn't come across any problems at all...
My compliments!... Lookin' forward to more!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Oh yeah!... This story is movin' along real nicely...
Didn't come across any problems at all...
My compliments!... Lookin' forward to more!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
