Pecos Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Chapter 7: Cottom"Ride the trail with Wyatt and the Bar JS Wranglers
15 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Pope
You did a good job developing your characters. I have read several chapters before, and I feel that I know Verne, Wyatt, and Mr. Shelton. I have enjoyed all your chapters, but I like this even better. I particularly like the breakfast scene. There is not much action there, but it is interesting dialogue nonetheless. Maybe it was all those sounds inappropriate for a lady. Good job again.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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You did a good job developing your characters. I have read several chapters before, and I feel that I know Verne, Wyatt, and Mr. Shelton. I have enjoyed all your chapters, but I like this even better. I particularly like the breakfast scene. There is not much action there, but it is interesting dialogue nonetheless. Maybe it was all those sounds inappropriate for a lady. Good job again.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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I know, I am WAY behind in replying to reviews. However, my online time recently has been extremely limited because of other events. Now, I am trying to get caught up some. I appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from apky
Hello again, Brett,
An excellent chapter, plotline, and characterization.
I read about Verne (the chapter you said should have been posted earlier in your notes) and enjoyed the read. All this sporting fellows and their engaging world that's full of new things to learn for me: their values, their way of life, how they interact.
I came away with a lot from this post too. Well done
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2018
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Hello again, Brett,
An excellent chapter, plotline, and characterization.
I read about Verne (the chapter you said should have been posted earlier in your notes) and enjoyed the read. All this sporting fellows and their engaging world that's full of new things to learn for me: their values, their way of life, how they interact.
I came away with a lot from this post too. Well done
Comment Written 02-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Well Brett, I enjoyed reading your chapters it reminded me of the Ponderosa with Horse, Clint, Little Joe and Pa. Your details of everything was Exquisite even down to the meals and let's not forget Tad whom you put in a elegant light of passing gas and being that I'm from the old school pooted and you even describe the smell now that made me laugh that as a balance to your writing that will keep it from being boring in other words I loved it and I think it will go ahead and check out chapter 5.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Well Brett, I enjoyed reading your chapters it reminded me of the Ponderosa with Horse, Clint, Little Joe and Pa. Your details of everything was Exquisite even down to the meals and let's not forget Tad whom you put in a elegant light of passing gas and being that I'm from the old school pooted and you even describe the smell now that made me laugh that as a balance to your writing that will keep it from being boring in other words I loved it and I think it will go ahead and check out chapter 5.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as my tale unfolds.
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Thanks for the invitation Brett.
Comment from emptypage
When your narratives awakened you say, "I aroused." You should say, "I roused," unless you mean the guy was whacking off or wanting to. You can just say, "I woke up," too.
I like this story, I have from the start, but Verne talks too much. I mean, his sentences are too long. They waste time and contrivance the story.
I like everyone else, though, especially Mr. Shelton, and I love the way Ben is written here, even though he seems to be a bad guy. It's a good c chapter, but they are definitely getting long.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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When your narratives awakened you say, "I aroused." You should say, "I roused," unless you mean the guy was whacking off or wanting to. You can just say, "I woke up," too.
I like this story, I have from the start, but Verne talks too much. I mean, his sentences are too long. They waste time and contrivance the story.
I like everyone else, though, especially Mr. Shelton, and I love the way Ben is written here, even though he seems to be a bad guy. It's a good c chapter, but they are definitely getting long.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Thanks for reading this portion of my tale and for writing a review. Much appreciated. I invite you to follow along as the rest of my tale unfolds.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Brett, :)
Good chapter. I like the cliffhanger! At first, I wasn't into this story, but it's growing on me.
I found some typos, but do your own research to be sure I'm correct:
His morning water passing routine complete (completely?). He'd even mentioned the thought to Verne more than once. Verne laughed him off (you can use 'he' instead of Verne; the reader knows who it is). "We're going to Aqua Prieta tonight and look around, make up (make-up, or makeup) our own herd. "Suppose we might drive'em over to Yuma, but, that ain't enough work to keep Patch steady all Summer (small 's')."
Good sentence:
Ben Cottom was a psychologically unbalanced, yet exceptionally charismatic, vigilante whose moral compass did not always point to true north.
Nome
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Hello, Brett, :)
Good chapter. I like the cliffhanger! At first, I wasn't into this story, but it's growing on me.
I found some typos, but do your own research to be sure I'm correct:
His morning water passing routine complete (completely?). He'd even mentioned the thought to Verne more than once. Verne laughed him off (you can use 'he' instead of Verne; the reader knows who it is). "We're going to Aqua Prieta tonight and look around, make up (make-up, or makeup) our own herd. "Suppose we might drive'em over to Yuma, but, that ain't enough work to keep Patch steady all Summer (small 's')."
Good sentence:
Ben Cottom was a psychologically unbalanced, yet exceptionally charismatic, vigilante whose moral compass did not always point to true north.
Nome
Comment Written 27-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Glad it is growing on you. Appreciate you sticking it out to see what will occur next. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Sankey
Great chapter again. Still an interesting tale and I look forward to where it is going as per usual. Loved the bowel howl. Just wondering about the following? Charlie [stratt??led] Domino
(straddled??)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Great chapter again. Still an interesting tale and I look forward to where it is going as per usual. Loved the bowel howl. Just wondering about the following? Charlie [stratt??led] Domino
(straddled??)
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale and appreciate your continued support.
Comment from judiverse
Great work with the dialogue and characterization. The men can reveal a lot about themselves by the way they approach the breakfast table. Wyatt seems eager to learn, and he's curious about Patch. Ben's arrival on the scene really stirs up something in Wyatt. Great description that his compass didn't always point due north. He's also quick to want to use his gun. He mentions that Shelton and Verne had done a good job raising Wyatt. Sheldon's afraid that Cottom has come to take Wyatt. Excellent work in this chapter. judi
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Great work with the dialogue and characterization. The men can reveal a lot about themselves by the way they approach the breakfast table. Wyatt seems eager to learn, and he's curious about Patch. Ben's arrival on the scene really stirs up something in Wyatt. Great description that his compass didn't always point due north. He's also quick to want to use his gun. He mentions that Shelton and Verne had done a good job raising Wyatt. Sheldon's afraid that Cottom has come to take Wyatt. Excellent work in this chapter. judi
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Your in depth review and observations are spot on. Appreciate you taking the time to read my tale and write a review.
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from c_lucas
https://www.legendsofamerica.com/we-slang/
You show talent as a wordsmith and you write a good tale, but you did not draw me into your story. Please look at the URL at the top. A few notes about westerners.
Very few westerners had a college education. Most had some book-learning and one (that I know of was very well educated that comes to mind-Teddy Roosevelt, who hung a horse thief. During the Spanish American War, he led cowboys us San Juan Hill- He attended Harvard and Columbia. Lifetime achievement: 26th President. He spent three years as a Cattle Rancher.
Very few Westerners wasted time a jawing when he was eating. I trust this will help you. Good luck in your writing endeavours.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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https://www.legendsofamerica.com/we-slang/
You show talent as a wordsmith and you write a good tale, but you did not draw me into your story. Please look at the URL at the top. A few notes about westerners.
Very few westerners had a college education. Most had some book-learning and one (that I know of was very well educated that comes to mind-Teddy Roosevelt, who hung a horse thief. During the Spanish American War, he led cowboys us San Juan Hill- He attended Harvard and Columbia. Lifetime achievement: 26th President. He spent three years as a Cattle Rancher.
Very few Westerners wasted time a jawing when he was eating. I trust this will help you. Good luck in your writing endeavours.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Seems like the writer and the reader are not managing to get on the same page for whatever reason there maybe. Been around the writing game long enough to know that occasionally happens. Appreciate your tips, insights, URLs. and reviews up to this point.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You characters and story sound an awful lot like Lonesome Dove, one of my favorite westerns of all times. You can't go wrong writing about a bunch of crusty old cowboys wanting to hold on to their way of life. Well done with dialogue and imagery. I keep seeing Gus and Newt. LOL Nancy
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2018
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You characters and story sound an awful lot like Lonesome Dove, one of my favorite westerns of all times. You can't go wrong writing about a bunch of crusty old cowboys wanting to hold on to their way of life. Well done with dialogue and imagery. I keep seeing Gus and Newt. LOL Nancy
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate your comments and support. Much more to come, so I invite you to ride along as the rest of my tale unfolds.
Comment from Henry King
Interesting scene. There is enough realism in this early morning on a one-cow- acre hardscrabble ranch to make me believe the writer has walked or researched it. The odd relationship direction and the suspense at the end of the scene is outstanding.
There are a several of distractions. I do not know if they were intended or not.
The place Aqua Prieta is not correct. I believe it should be Agua Prieta, two Spanish words meaning Brown Water. Aqua Prieta is mixing Latin with Spanish.
To me; it appears you are using words appropriate in dialog, i.e., where Mr. Shelton seed ... something, and Charlie strattled a horse, which should be written correctly when not part of a dialog.
Assuming the ranch is in western Arizona, and a cattle drive is anticipated to Cheyenne. Why? You have to go over the Continental Divide. Probably heading East to the Pass at El Paso to ford the Rio Grande. Then skirt the east slope of the Front Range and cross several fairly big rivers. That's more than half way across the North-South axis of the USA. At five to ten miles a day, that is one hell of a ride.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Interesting scene. There is enough realism in this early morning on a one-cow- acre hardscrabble ranch to make me believe the writer has walked or researched it. The odd relationship direction and the suspense at the end of the scene is outstanding.
There are a several of distractions. I do not know if they were intended or not.
The place Aqua Prieta is not correct. I believe it should be Agua Prieta, two Spanish words meaning Brown Water. Aqua Prieta is mixing Latin with Spanish.
To me; it appears you are using words appropriate in dialog, i.e., where Mr. Shelton seed ... something, and Charlie strattled a horse, which should be written correctly when not part of a dialog.
Assuming the ranch is in western Arizona, and a cattle drive is anticipated to Cheyenne. Why? You have to go over the Continental Divide. Probably heading East to the Pass at El Paso to ford the Rio Grande. Then skirt the east slope of the Front Range and cross several fairly big rivers. That's more than half way across the North-South axis of the USA. At five to ten miles a day, that is one hell of a ride.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Appreciate you taking the time to read this portion of my tale and to write a review. I invite you to ride along as the rest of the tale unfolds.
