AnnaĆ¢??s Drawer
My Biggest Mistake27 total reviews
Comment from frierajac
It looks like you have a semicolon after woman, and then the word, 'scorned' and
a fullstop. Semicolons are for clauses. You could make it a colon instead and it would be a bit more correct. The voice in this has the persona with her friend Ann
and another jealous lover. The eternal triangle.
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It looks like you have a semicolon after woman, and then the word, 'scorned' and
a fullstop. Semicolons are for clauses. You could make it a colon instead and it would be a bit more correct. The voice in this has the persona with her friend Ann
and another jealous lover. The eternal triangle.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from RGstar
Abcb worked well with this. I was commenting that I had not seen many of this rhyme scheme written latest, and I found another. Well done.
"In the drawer were tangled chains,
rings and pins and pearls."
As the opening stanza is perhaps as important as the last, I though maybe the use of the conjunction "and2 may be better with just one, as well in so quick succession. Comma in place of one of them. As well I think actually sounds better off the tongue.
"In the drawer were tangled chains"
Good luck.
My best wishes.
RGstar
rings, pins and pearls."
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Abcb worked well with this. I was commenting that I had not seen many of this rhyme scheme written latest, and I found another. Well done.
"In the drawer were tangled chains,
rings and pins and pearls."
As the opening stanza is perhaps as important as the last, I though maybe the use of the conjunction "and2 may be better with just one, as well in so quick succession. Comma in place of one of them. As well I think actually sounds better off the tongue.
"In the drawer were tangled chains"
Good luck.
My best wishes.
RGstar
rings, pins and pearls."
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story in a poem. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery with your words also. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Blessings, Teri
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This is a very well written story in a poem. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery with your words also. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
A wonderful story within a poem, the heartache and jealousy is evident throughout the lines which flows beautifully, thoroughly enjoyable.
Typo....in title
Mitchell
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A wonderful story within a poem, the heartache and jealousy is evident throughout the lines which flows beautifully, thoroughly enjoyable.
Typo....in title
Mitchell
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Thesis
I enjoyed this poem. It shows how fickle the human ego is, when someone whom you believe loves you, will stop believing you and trust the words of another. I liked how the retrospective feelings were shown, once Anna's former love realized he'd been duped.
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I enjoyed this poem. It shows how fickle the human ego is, when someone whom you believe loves you, will stop believing you and trust the words of another. I liked how the retrospective feelings were shown, once Anna's former love realized he'd been duped.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Zue65
The poetic lines flowed smoothly and the rhymes are not forced. The imagery is quite rich and the theme was explored perfectly. Yes, sometimes jealousy can make a saint look bad. Thanks for sharing this excellent write.
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The poetic lines flowed smoothly and the rhymes are not forced. The imagery is quite rich and the theme was explored perfectly. Yes, sometimes jealousy can make a saint look bad. Thanks for sharing this excellent write.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
But her old friend had plans you see
and jealously was queen.
She made up lies and told mean tales
of such, no one had seen. ' This reminds me of a situation I had with my so called best friend of fifteen years. I later realised I never lost a friend, for I didn't have one in the first place. I bitterly regret all I did for her and all the pain and guilt. This is amazing truly if I had a six to give it would be yours. love and best wishes and well done love Meia x
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But her old friend had plans you see
and jealously was queen.
She made up lies and told mean tales
of such, no one had seen. ' This reminds me of a situation I had with my so called best friend of fifteen years. I later realised I never lost a friend, for I didn't have one in the first place. I bitterly regret all I did for her and all the pain and guilt. This is amazing truly if I had a six to give it would be yours. love and best wishes and well done love Meia x
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your rhyming poetic offering. It certainly tells a tale - and a well-crafted one at that. My favorite line is the last one: "I cleaned Ann's drawer today."
Best Wishes,
diane
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Hello!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your rhyming poetic offering. It certainly tells a tale - and a well-crafted one at that. My favorite line is the last one: "I cleaned Ann's drawer today."
Best Wishes,
diane
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. Jealousy is a monster and will destroy a perfect friendship when one gets overpowered by the green-eyed monster to tell lies to put your friend in a bad light to win someone you want.
Typo in Title
AnnaĆ¢??s(Ann's) Drawer
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A very well-written poem. Jealousy is a monster and will destroy a perfect friendship when one gets overpowered by the green-eyed monster to tell lies to put your friend in a bad light to win someone you want.
Typo in Title
AnnaĆ¢??s(Ann's) Drawer
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
This is an outstanding rhyming poem contest entry. I am overcome with remorse for being handicapped in terms of higher stars to award this great contest entry.
The work constitutes an epitome of a rhyming poem with a semblance of music syncopation that befits the class of the protagonist.
Outstanding work! Keep the flag flying!
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This is an outstanding rhyming poem contest entry. I am overcome with remorse for being handicapped in terms of higher stars to award this great contest entry.
The work constitutes an epitome of a rhyming poem with a semblance of music syncopation that befits the class of the protagonist.
Outstanding work! Keep the flag flying!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
