Comment from --Turtle.

Exceptional

Super poem, Craig.

Got my attention. What an acrobatic display of words and play, passions with negative notions and attractions and whatnot. Hopefully not biographical, but who hasn't met an iced over heart at one point in time? Mean girls.

The first part of the poem had a great hook, titillated my curiosity. Other highlights, guile/ smile... pace and rhymes. I like the down play of the person being 'not nice' as apposed to stronger words. It gives a clean sort of insult feel about it, that I found effective.

My only small and uncertain suggestion...

Your serpentine tongue made quite sure that you won,
(do you need this 'that' here? I don't think it's needed, I think it'd flow smoother without, but ... I'm not a poet and also might not be taking account for word syllables and such.)

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018

Hi Turtle,

Thanks once again for a brilliant review. Regarding the particular line you mention - I don't think the syllable count is super important. I start off the first few stanzas with 12 in the first line of each, and the last few only have 10. This one is stuck in the middle with 11 lol. It probably depends on the pacing when you read it. I find when I read it, without having the "that" there, it sounds odd. But the way you emphasise different words might make it sound better.

To my ear, certain words are emphasised differently, depending on whether it's there or not:

Your SERpentine TONGUE made quite SURE that you'd WON, ...or,

Your SERpentine TONGUE made QUITE sure you'd WON

There were actually quite a few lines where I was indecisive about putting a word in, or leaving it out. What I usually find in such cases is it all comes down to where you pause and which syllables you choose to stress when you read it, and in many cases both work equally well. I think this might be one of those :)

Again, many thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts - they're very much appreciated.

Craig

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

Nice use of the new word as wish for this woman's melting her heart so she can truly love and not use and abuse those who choose to have a relationship with her. Hopefully she will find a way to this new life.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018

Thanks very much, Joan, for the kind words. Much appreciated - Craig

reply by dragonpoet on 09-Feb-2018

No problem, Craig.

Joan

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Craig. I love the title of your book--very original and humorous as is this poem. I think you've expressed your non-love poem very well and in an amusing way. Great job here. Marilyn

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

Thanks very much, Marilyn. It's good to hear from you again, hopefully I'll get some notifications soon about new postings from you :) Cheers, Craig

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Geebus Murphy, Craig where did you get that artwork? That's the big freeze personified in a way that makes it look like hell really has frozen over.

Excellent use of the word degelation. Easily misread by our minds that tend to fill in the blanks with words we already know like I see that word and see conjugation. ;-)

Excellent post. It is positively chilling.

Gloria

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

Thanks for the cool and fun review, Gloria. I believe I Googled "ice queen" - who'd have thought? LOL

Much appreciation, as always.

Craig

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

The rhymes, internal and external, and the images and word selection are excellent.
I wonder if you are talking to the season, an abrasive wife, or one of those neverending spoofing telemarketers.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

I'd go with telemarketers... much of it fits, the only real giveaway is that you can always hang up on a phone salesperson. Thanks for the lovely comments. Craig

Comment from frierajac

Excellent

Interesting presentation on the twarted love angle with the word, degalation, I am going to be posting a prose piece with the word deliquesence which has a similar meaning of melting and absorbing.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

I'll try to remember to look out for it. Thanks for reviewing :) Craig

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

The title to this poem scared me at first. I thought you were talking to me. Though it's totally your choice who you are or aren't fond of. So I open your post and see the picture and heave a huge sigh of relief that you weren't talking to me. Or at least I'm hoping not lol.

Your poem sings along and I was following along with great interest until I get to the end and the big word reveal, and I read it as, "delegation". It's no wonder you're not overly fond of me by now.

I apologize for messing it up. At least I wasn't reading it out loud or publicly. I hope you'll forgive me.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

LOL I'm sure you won't be the only one, Joy. It is pretty inconsiderate of them to create such a word, that is so easily confused with another. Cheers, Craig

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

I truly love the emotion and passion you put into this piece and the double internal rhyming gives it the ease of a sing/song rhythm. Very well done in rhyme and flow

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

Thanks for the lovely comments. Much appreciated, as always. Craig

Comment from James H. Oldfield

Excellent

A particularly strong one, today, and an awful lot drawn from just the one word.

I really liked this one, a pleasure to read aloud, some wonderful wording.

Great job, as ever.

Take care.

-James

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

Thanks very much for the lovely comments, for which I'm most grateful. Craig

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem telling someone you are not very fond of them and all the things that puts you off about her manners and character that disgust you and don't excite you at all.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018

That about sums it up, Sandra. Glad there wasn't a lot of room for misinterpretation lol Cheers - Craig