Stealth
75 word flash fiction...15 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Haha ... love your unexpected ending, JoAnn! I guess some people do have a phobia about mice. :) "Chest crushed by the tight space, his legs pretzled in the darkness" ... great description. I especially love "pretzled". You've managed to say a heap in a mere 75 words. Good luck in the contest with this fine entry. ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Haha ... love your unexpected ending, JoAnn! I guess some people do have a phobia about mice. :) "Chest crushed by the tight space, his legs pretzled in the darkness" ... great description. I especially love "pretzled". You've managed to say a heap in a mere 75 words. Good luck in the contest with this fine entry. ~~ Connie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much-quite a number of people have commented on the "pretzled", as a word they liked-ha.
Comment from Bill Schott
This seventy-five-word story, Stealth, takes a monster movie tone as we wait @long with the hidden ambusher to save the world from the vile vermin from Venus (or wherever). Funny.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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This seventy-five-word story, Stealth, takes a monster movie tone as we wait @long with the hidden ambusher to save the world from the vile vermin from Venus (or wherever). Funny.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks, Bill!
Comment from jppoet
This is a very imaginative piece if wrîting, rich in language command --I loved your use of PRETZELED-- suspense and surprise. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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This is a very imaginative piece if wrîting, rich in language command --I loved your use of PRETZELED-- suspense and surprise. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much.
Comment from karenina
So this is flash fiction! I'm a week or so in and haven't had the chance to trace down every post or contest or entry...so thanks for reviewing my poem or I would not have reciprocated and found this clever, sardonic play on the first scenes of a CSI show...and had the experience of humor cloaked in, well, "Stealth!"
I enjoyed this a lot! I've always stayed in my safe poetry zone and felt intimidated by the prospect of trying a short story...who knows? Maybe one day I'll stick my proverbial toe in the water and try flash fiction!
Great write!
Karenina
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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So this is flash fiction! I'm a week or so in and haven't had the chance to trace down every post or contest or entry...so thanks for reviewing my poem or I would not have reciprocated and found this clever, sardonic play on the first scenes of a CSI show...and had the experience of humor cloaked in, well, "Stealth!"
I enjoyed this a lot! I've always stayed in my safe poetry zone and felt intimidated by the prospect of trying a short story...who knows? Maybe one day I'll stick my proverbial toe in the water and try flash fiction!
Great write!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Oh do try-it is very fun and helps one to weed out those unnecessary words too. Thanks for reading.
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I'm building up confidence....perhaps one night soon after a fine glass of Merlot! :)
Comment from misscookie
Now this poem I can truly relate
You see i'm having filed mice problems and the only one to see them it is me
I caught to my drowning them only then did the people believe now I have more running around my apartment ... they don't believe me again.
this is a true story
Cookie
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Now this poem I can truly relate
You see i'm having filed mice problems and the only one to see them it is me
I caught to my drowning them only then did the people believe now I have more running around my apartment ... they don't believe me again.
this is a true story
Cookie
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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They are certainly pesky. Hope things get better. Thanks for reading.
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Your're very welcome
Cookie
Comment from Bucketlist
Pros with a horror/hysteria theme - clever. It didn't bother me as I don't mind mice! Funny twist at the end! I've never heard of a guy who hated mice----but what do I know = O.
Good luck in the contest, thanks for sharing
Hugs, Trisha
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Pros with a horror/hysteria theme - clever. It didn't bother me as I don't mind mice! Funny twist at the end! I've never heard of a guy who hated mice----but what do I know = O.
Good luck in the contest, thanks for sharing
Hugs, Trisha
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thanks much for reading.
Comment from jenintorre
Hi Frogbook
I really liked reading your flash fiction. It was a good little story with a very good punchline. I'm scared of mice too. I wish you good luck in the competition. Best wishes Jen.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Hi Frogbook
I really liked reading your flash fiction. It was a good little story with a very good punchline. I'm scared of mice too. I wish you good luck in the competition. Best wishes Jen.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thanks much for your thoughtful comments.
Comment from Ric Myworld
LOL! "Of mice and men," in most cases I would take the mouse as the braver of the two. Shame on me, I shouldn't say such things even if I believe them. Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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LOL! "Of mice and men," in most cases I would take the mouse as the braver of the two. Shame on me, I shouldn't say such things even if I believe them. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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That is likely the case-why does this little runner make one let out a scream? Ha. Thanks for reading, my friend.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Me, too! Mice and spiders! This is a really excellent 75 word flash fiction story. It has tension, fear, you describe what's going on inside him, all that and it turns out to be a mouse! Excellent! Good luck in the contest, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Me, too! Mice and spiders! This is a really excellent 75 word flash fiction story. It has tension, fear, you describe what's going on inside him, all that and it turns out to be a mouse! Excellent! Good luck in the contest, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much, my friend, a review from you is always valued.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. I head my breath wondering what it was - an alien? Tinkerbell? But it's a mouse! Enjoyed the suspenseful description and especially liked the use of "pretzel" as a verb!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Lol. I head my breath wondering what it was - an alien? Tinkerbell? But it's a mouse! Enjoyed the suspenseful description and especially liked the use of "pretzel" as a verb!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much-pleased that you enjoyed.
