Reviews from

Pecos Valley

Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Watcher"
Ride the trail with Wyatt and the Bar JS Wranglers

18 total reviews 
Comment from LaRosa
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Brett, I enjoyed coming back and finding your western. It's entertaining and kept my attention from the get-go.
Your notes helped. I had no idea what a 'coosie' was..
Looking forward to more.

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
    I thought the notes might be useful so I included them. Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale.
Comment from Sharon Meda
Excellent
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Your tale continues to be interesting and well told.
I like the scene setting jargon as well.
And the picture does indeed go well with your story.
Sharon

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
    Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
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This speaks living of a watcher; his professional, personal activities, and performance, wishes, dreams and thoughts; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. WRITE CHANGE. DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
    Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as the tale unfolds.
Comment from JugglerVain
Average
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A very good effort and introduction to the characters of the story. The narrator element works well mostly, but the perspective changes to omniscient after Wyatt is sent off to bed? How could he know what was said about him? That said, it is an entertaining read. Well done.
JV

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
    The tale is told in First Person omniscient. This means Wyatt not only uses terms such as "I" and "me" but also knows what other characters think and do.

    It is not written in First Person limited, which would prevent this from occurring.

    Appreciate the attempt at a review,
reply by JugglerVain on 12-Feb-2018
    Thanks for that, Brett. As I understand it, First Person Omniscient is rarely used (the character is, usually, Death or dead) so I might be forgiven for my constructive comment. All the best with your story.
    JV
Comment from Ella Gott
Excellent
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This was a very entertaining read! Keep posting such cool stuff, I will certainly keep reading! I hope I will be as talented as this someday! 5 stars for sure, keep posting!
Great job.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2018
    Glad you enjoyed this posting.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Excellent
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It's true my friend. I think mainly because the people from across the pond or down-under don't understand the lingo. Just as it's hard for me to understand the Australian cowboy slang. Most of my fans are from those places. I am writing a western now as well. The chapters are getting recognized, but it won't be long the reviews will dwindle down to 8 or 9. Good luck. I love westerns. Lonesome dove is one of my favorites. Well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2018
    Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review. As far as Westerns not playing well on FanStory, I believe the jury is still out on that.
Comment from Rasmine
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I give you a six for trying, and you seem to be succeeding at your attempt. Sounds good, but hard to read the jargon a lot. It adds to it, but makes reading slow.
Keep up the good work!

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2018
    The jargon, I have been told by several reviews any way, adds to the authenticity of the tale. Glad you enjoyed this portion of it and appreciate the six stars.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent
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"You ought not be so mule-headed about Wyatt," he told Mr. Shelton. Headed for the Silver Cent, Verne remarked, "I'm gonna go scare up a card game. See ya for lunch." Deep in thought, Mr. Shelton remained on the porch. ' I always read the notes to me they are an integeral part of the work. I will look for the other chapters of this excellent work. I loved the Wesitern theme myself kindest regards and warmest wishes Meia x

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
    Appreciate you taking the time to read this portion of my tale and to write a review. I like Westerns too, that is one of the reasons I am writing this tale.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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John crossed the river just fine, so why not take the cattle across?

-I have been told Westerns don't play well on FanStory. I'm not sure I agree with that statement. <-- I found it to be true when I posted a short story. I always get at least 26-30+ reviews on my stories, but not that time. People told me when I asked that they don't like westerns. Mine was not so much a western as sci fi. When I told them to wait and read part two, they changed there minds. Seems they DO like sci fi, but not westerns.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
    John didn't cross the cattle because at that point he does not have them...yet. I appreciate your comments and taking the time to read this portion of my tale. In regards to whether or not FanStorians like Westerns, the jury is still out. The first two chapters have reached Recognized, but I believe it is too early to tell for sure which way that matter will play out. I invite you to follow along as this tale enfolds.
Comment from emptypage
Excellent
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Nice job here, Brett. The story is still strong. The dialogue is good.

This sentence is my favorite:

"Abandoned in Pecos Valley by a hooligan, I knowed Isabell was a whore who'd come by her profession as unexpected as I'd come by mine."--Isn't that the truth.

Good write.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
    Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. In the Old West there weren't a whole lot of occupations for women to pursue. Most of them, especially the ones of their own, ended up in saloons...sometimes just to survive. Appreciate you taking the time to read this portion of my tale and pen this review. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as this tale unfolds.
reply by emptypage on 09-Feb-2018
    I will, Brett. I always do.