The Return Valentine
Bloody valentine contest-heed violence warnings!!10 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Terrific job on this Bloody Valentine entry, JoAnn. Congrats on your win!! My apologies for taking so long to getting around to reading it. I loved this story and the fact that the murderer was mentally tortured, and then physically killed by his victims.
So very well written, and presented well with the red text! "I love you to pieces" ... luv this! You build the suspense and you have a terrific ending! This is an exceptional write, JoAnn. I could see this being made into a thriller movie. ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Terrific job on this Bloody Valentine entry, JoAnn. Congrats on your win!! My apologies for taking so long to getting around to reading it. I loved this story and the fact that the murderer was mentally tortured, and then physically killed by his victims.
So very well written, and presented well with the red text! "I love you to pieces" ... luv this! You build the suspense and you have a terrific ending! This is an exceptional write, JoAnn. I could see this being made into a thriller movie. ~~ Connie
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Thanks so very much for your generous stars and most kind review. Can't help but love a little revenge story now and then.
Comment from Katie Solis
I liked it. In the end did he go crazy and cut himself, or is this science fiction and the ghosts really came back to murder him? Either way I like it, and the way it ended. Just the right amount of gore. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I liked it. In the end did he go crazy and cut himself, or is this science fiction and the ghosts really came back to murder him? Either way I like it, and the way it ended. Just the right amount of gore. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Ha-thanks much. I had actually thought of the ghosts but I like your other thought as well!
Comment from samantha0930
I like the story, and it fits the theme of the contest well. I will admit that I'm a bit confused over the ending though--how it was that ghosts could send him mail and then I take it they killed him. However, it is a story, and is meant to be a scary one, so it doesn't really need to be completely logical. I do like the concept of it.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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I like the story, and it fits the theme of the contest well. I will admit that I'm a bit confused over the ending though--how it was that ghosts could send him mail and then I take it they killed him. However, it is a story, and is meant to be a scary one, so it doesn't really need to be completely logical. I do like the concept of it.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from cupa tea
I was really enjoying this story until you ended it with the girlfriends being ghosts. I totally loved the body pieces spelling out the message...very original! I also think you rushed the ending...
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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I was really enjoying this story until you ended it with the girlfriends being ghosts. I totally loved the body pieces spelling out the message...very original! I also think you rushed the ending...
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Author,
I must admit, this was a lot of fun. Haha!! Oh -- if only!!
I wasn't thinking along the lines of an otherworldly, 'ghoulish' answer to this serial killer's problems until that was revealed to be the case.
And then, of course, I realized that was perfectly appropros. Haha!! Which made this piece a great entry for the Bloody Valentine contest -- and even more especially because we would generally be reading about what the serial killer would be doing to others, not the other way around.
Nice twist. Kudos and good luck!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2018
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Dear Mystery Author,
I must admit, this was a lot of fun. Haha!! Oh -- if only!!
I wasn't thinking along the lines of an otherworldly, 'ghoulish' answer to this serial killer's problems until that was revealed to be the case.
And then, of course, I realized that was perfectly appropros. Haha!! Which made this piece a great entry for the Bloody Valentine contest -- and even more especially because we would generally be reading about what the serial killer would be doing to others, not the other way around.
Nice twist. Kudos and good luck!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2018
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hanks much, so glad you understood and got it-not sure all did. Much appreciate the review and 5 stars.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I was with this right up until the end. I think you went a little beyond the ideal ending point. The last two sentences aren't really needed.
There's a good strong voice and tone to the piece throughout, although the injection of dialogue could have broken up the narrative a tad.
decaying and weeping with exudate - I know what exudate means but it feels out of place in the context of the piece and the rest of the language used. In fact if you took it out, you'd lose nothing from the story.
He wretched - in this instance it would be retched.
There., standing on the side of the bed - delete the period / full stop from here.
His screams were not heard. Everyone in the neighborhood was out celebrating Valentine's Day.
- seems unlikely that everyone would be out.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Hi there,
I was with this right up until the end. I think you went a little beyond the ideal ending point. The last two sentences aren't really needed.
There's a good strong voice and tone to the piece throughout, although the injection of dialogue could have broken up the narrative a tad.
decaying and weeping with exudate - I know what exudate means but it feels out of place in the context of the piece and the rest of the language used. In fact if you took it out, you'd lose nothing from the story.
He wretched - in this instance it would be retched.
There., standing on the side of the bed - delete the period / full stop from here.
His screams were not heard. Everyone in the neighborhood was out celebrating Valentine's Day.
- seems unlikely that everyone would be out.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Thanks for the touch up and corrections-will get back and check it out. Appreciate the review and ideas.
Comment from Sherman541
Fantastic story!!! Kept me wanting to read until the end. Was a great ending for a deserving killer. Very intricate and amusing story. You could see him agitated and working up steam from anger and frustration. Great Story!! I don't have six stars to give but you truly did a great job. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Fantastic story!!! Kept me wanting to read until the end. Was a great ending for a deserving killer. Very intricate and amusing story. You could see him agitated and working up steam from anger and frustration. Great Story!! I don't have six stars to give but you truly did a great job. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Your virtual six is every bit as good as the real thing-thanks so much!
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you are very welcome :)
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
She smiled and said, "We all want to share you.... a piece at a time."
His screams were not heard. Everyone in the neighborhood was out celebrating Valentine's Day.' Bloody brilliant (pardon the pun)this really does have it all. I hope you do well in the competition because you deserve to. I love horror and this is skillfully written. I enjoyed it so much. Well done and kindest and best regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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She smiled and said, "We all want to share you.... a piece at a time."
His screams were not heard. Everyone in the neighborhood was out celebrating Valentine's Day.' Bloody brilliant (pardon the pun)this really does have it all. I hope you do well in the competition because you deserve to. I love horror and this is skillfully written. I enjoyed it so much. Well done and kindest and best regards Meia xx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much. One person thought I should delete the last line but I think it throws in a bit of extra irony. So pleased you enjoyed.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Bloody Valentine' writing prompt.
This is a colorful and a little too clear story.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'Bloody Valentine' writing prompt.
This is a colorful and a little too clear story.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Revenge is a bit satisfying but a rather naughty subject for Valentine's day-thanks for reading.
Comment from RodG
This "bloody valentine" story is a very strong entry in the contest. We listen to the narrator who seems to hate women, but can't do without them. Good suspense as he receives one smelly card after another. I did not expect a supernatural ending, but it works and we are not sad to see him get his come-uppance.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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This "bloody valentine" story is a very strong entry in the contest. We listen to the narrator who seems to hate women, but can't do without them. Good suspense as he receives one smelly card after another. I did not expect a supernatural ending, but it works and we are not sad to see him get his come-uppance.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Revenge is good, if only told in a story. A bit of a naughty subject for Valentine's Day, though-ha. Thanks for reading.
