First on the Scene
An EMT comes upon an accident scene.18 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a very dedicated EMT to stop on his time off. It is sad that this guy found his sisters possible boyfriend is the victim. It will be a hard thing to tell her what happened.
Hope this did well in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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This is a very dedicated EMT to stop on his time off. It is sad that this guy found his sisters possible boyfriend is the victim. It will be a hard thing to tell her what happened.
Hope this did well in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 24-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the read and kind comments. I have been gone from the site for about three months but now I'm back.
Hugs,
Brigitte
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My pleasure.
Joan
Comment from Katie Solis
This story has a good premise. I wish you would lash out some more of the details, what happened to the guy it seems like he woke up really fast and then he was dead really fast and then the story was over really fast. It was a good, interesting, story; I'm just looking forward to seeing more. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2018
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This story has a good premise. I wish you would lash out some more of the details, what happened to the guy it seems like he woke up really fast and then he was dead really fast and then the story was over really fast. It was a good, interesting, story; I'm just looking forward to seeing more. Good job.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2018
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
brigitte
Comment from samantha0930
Your story fits the theme of the contest, but it was a little difficult to follow what was happening, since the whole story was just dialogue, and at some parts it was difficult to determine who was speaking. I think it would benefit from more description, rather than just the dialogue.
At the end there was a grammar mistake: "looks like out guy it didn't make it", you should remove the "it" from the sentence.
Also, when he says "OMG", you should actually write out the words that he is speaking, instead of using texting language in your story rather than words. It would be one thing if he was texting, but it doesn't work in the way that you used it.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2018
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Your story fits the theme of the contest, but it was a little difficult to follow what was happening, since the whole story was just dialogue, and at some parts it was difficult to determine who was speaking. I think it would benefit from more description, rather than just the dialogue.
At the end there was a grammar mistake: "looks like out guy it didn't make it", you should remove the "it" from the sentence.
Also, when he says "OMG", you should actually write out the words that he is speaking, instead of using texting language in your story rather than words. It would be one thing if he was texting, but it doesn't work in the way that you used it.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2018
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
brigitte
Comment from Commando
In one word--'AWESOME'! Sweet Jesus! As I read your little story--A tear came to mind. Then walking along the pathway of yesterday, I find myself sitting on the ground, and holding my Commando Friend's head in my lap as he died. He looked me in the eye, smiled and said, "Bill, there's a letter in my pocket to my wife. Would you wipe the blood away--and deliver it for me?" Are you listening? Before writing another 'Heart-wrenching' story--such as this, tell me, so I'll have tissue in the office. Keep on a -writing, baby--and I'll keep a -reading. Toot, toot--the trains a- coming!
xx Bill
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
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In one word--'AWESOME'! Sweet Jesus! As I read your little story--A tear came to mind. Then walking along the pathway of yesterday, I find myself sitting on the ground, and holding my Commando Friend's head in my lap as he died. He looked me in the eye, smiled and said, "Bill, there's a letter in my pocket to my wife. Would you wipe the blood away--and deliver it for me?" Are you listening? Before writing another 'Heart-wrenching' story--such as this, tell me, so I'll have tissue in the office. Keep on a -writing, baby--and I'll keep a -reading. Toot, toot--the trains a- coming!
xx Bill
Comment Written 27-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
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Life is real and even though it is a fiction piece it imitated reality in a way that is tragic. The memory of your friend is forever etched in your mind, lest anyone ever forgets the sacrifices of our heroes for our betterment.
You are on this earth, a survivor, for a reason, God has a plan. Bill has boarded a train that will journey and bring joy to others, The next stop, unknown...God knows...it rolls down a track bearing passengers with yet to be determined missions. Toot,toot..I hear and I know you also do. Keep your ears wide open and hear the whispers of the ghost and the living...Shh
Thank you, dear friend, for reading and sharing. Forever a friend and inspiration to me, you are admirable.
Love the catalyst to all things good, I am sending to you.
Brigitte
Comment from frogbook
Oh my gosh-that was terrible but also terribly good. What a surprise ending. I got some goosebumps so in my book that's a good story. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Oh my gosh-that was terrible but also terribly good. What a surprise ending. I got some goosebumps so in my book that's a good story. Best of luck.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for this great review. I appreciate the read and your generous kindness.
Have a great evening.
:)Brigitte
Comment from pbomar1115
Wow. What an unfortunate situation. After talking to his sister, he now has to go back to her with bad news about her boyfriend. It would break her heart to learn that when duty called, it was for the bloody card.
Phillip
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Wow. What an unfortunate situation. After talking to his sister, he now has to go back to her with bad news about her boyfriend. It would break her heart to learn that when duty called, it was for the bloody card.
Phillip
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Yes, Phillip, I'm glad this one is fiction. My writes are usually personal and true. This is Bloody valentine contest entry.
Hope that you are writing and almost ready to share.
Your friend,
Brigitte :)
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I have my hands full now with personal matters but reading others work help me keep up. Thanks, Brigitte.
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I hope that all gets well with personal affairs. That sometimes is good fodder for writing. Prayers are with you my friend.
Brigitte
Comment from LIJ Red
I am sure you cut this to the bone because of the reviewer craving for short, short posts and easy money, so I'll just comment in passing, a few more lines could have made it more logically paced and less rushed. Exellent post.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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I am sure you cut this to the bone because of the reviewer craving for short, short posts and easy money, so I'll just comment in passing, a few more lines could have made it more logically paced and less rushed. Exellent post.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Thank you for reading and the honest review. Maybe, I will lengthen it, it is a good suggestion.
:)Brigitte
Comment from Sharbear38
I love flash fiction little gems that get right to the point. This piece gets right to the point, the beginning was good, but the ending just seems quick and incomplete.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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I love flash fiction little gems that get right to the point. This piece gets right to the point, the beginning was good, but the ending just seems quick and incomplete.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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Thank for reading and also for your comments. I was not in a profound mood today and this just came out. I appreciate honest reviews. Maybe next time, you will enjoy what I post.
Blessings,
:)Brigitte
Comment from apky
There is some hilarity in this story, even if it's actually a tragedy. I like the twists in the end with Brown's sister and the hearts turning out to be bloodstains!
My suggestions are below.
"What is your name please? Can (you) verify your location?"
"I hate to tell you, but it looks like our guy (delete-it) didn't make it. Sorry friend. Are you going to deliver or mail that bloodstained card?"
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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There is some hilarity in this story, even if it's actually a tragedy. I like the twists in the end with Brown's sister and the hearts turning out to be bloodstains!
My suggestions are below.
"What is your name please? Can (you) verify your location?"
"I hate to tell you, but it looks like our guy (delete-it) didn't make it. Sorry friend. Are you going to deliver or mail that bloodstained card?"
Comment Written 25-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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Thank for reading this story and the comments that were valuable for edit. Done, thank you for the help.
Have a great day!
:)Brigitte
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I think I would put it in a clean envelope and hand it to her. No need to give her a bloody reminder to hold on to for the rest of her life. This is a great contest entry.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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I think I would put it in a clean envelope and hand it to her. No need to give her a bloody reminder to hold on to for the rest of her life. This is a great contest entry.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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I appreciate your reading and the kind comments. Fiction and the contest entry prompt made me use a bloody envelope.Thank you for your positive support for the contest.
Blessings,
:)Brigitte
