A Potpourri of Poetic Curiosities
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Heading west"A collection of poems showcasing unusual words
13 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Hey, Craig.
(I'm trying to stay sane by reading and reviewing your poetry tonight, my daughter's past tired, and my man's driving leaves me white knuckled in the passenger seat. This one, read to myself, I didn't find the near rhymes a problem. Reading it aloud is harder, like my inner ear adapts easier than the muscle memory of my mouth, and I feel like I'm saying the near rhymes inadvertently emphasizes the near. My end conclusion, there wasn't any rhyme that made me pause until I thought about it too hard.
There were several instances where the alliteration was very pleasing... like cockatoo chorus, or the combination of sounds complimented in a fluid way: like cherish life a stone's throw from sea
The plants in their cubicle prisons are rented,
(the plant in my cubicle prison is a ninja turtle chia : D
The only thing I paused on in this poem was the double use of advance. The askance/advance... I noticed the end advance twice.
Otherwise, I like the way you framed the hard edges of city with the pleasing aspects of inland and the away from the grind. Great descriptions leave a reader yearning for their own makua frolic.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Hey, Craig.
(I'm trying to stay sane by reading and reviewing your poetry tonight, my daughter's past tired, and my man's driving leaves me white knuckled in the passenger seat. This one, read to myself, I didn't find the near rhymes a problem. Reading it aloud is harder, like my inner ear adapts easier than the muscle memory of my mouth, and I feel like I'm saying the near rhymes inadvertently emphasizes the near. My end conclusion, there wasn't any rhyme that made me pause until I thought about it too hard.
There were several instances where the alliteration was very pleasing... like cockatoo chorus, or the combination of sounds complimented in a fluid way: like cherish life a stone's throw from sea
The plants in their cubicle prisons are rented,
(the plant in my cubicle prison is a ninja turtle chia : D
The only thing I paused on in this poem was the double use of advance. The askance/advance... I noticed the end advance twice.
Otherwise, I like the way you framed the hard edges of city with the pleasing aspects of inland and the away from the grind. Great descriptions leave a reader yearning for their own makua frolic.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Hi Turtle - you sound like an awful passenger - just like me! (either that or he really is an awful driver) :) Still, I'm glad it gave you an excuse to review another bit of my silliness. Thank you for the wonderfully thoughtful review. Another reader actually beat you to picking up on my use of "advance" twice, and I changed it a couple of hours ago. I guess you've had it open for a while. Hopefully, the edited version is better. Many thanks again. If it's any consolation, I think you might be all caught up now :) I will get around to reviewing you new book chapter this afternoon, come hell or high water!
Cheers,
Craig
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Yeah, I opened it on my lap top at work way earlier ... reviewed on the road, and then saved my review when I'd gotten back to my wifi.
Comment from dragonpoet
They are probably both beautiful areas. Much better than in the midst of the city. Your description makes the peaks and valley come alive with its sights and sounds.
I don't think the near rhymes cause any problem. Though you do use advance as a rhyme twice for two different words. Is that to show two different nuances of the word.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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They are probably both beautiful areas. Much better than in the midst of the city. Your description makes the peaks and valley come alive with its sights and sounds.
I don't think the near rhymes cause any problem. Though you do use advance as a rhyme twice for two different words. Is that to show two different nuances of the word.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Actually, it was an oversight - one which I'm grateful you picked up. I've made a change to avoid the double usage. Many thanks for the kind review, Joan Craig
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You're welcome, Craig. Always happy when I can help.
Joan
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well now, I hate the fact that I am going to sound insincere because I could say almost exactly what you wrote in the review of my tiny poem, "Misty" - this jewel evokes imagery wonderfully, both pleasant and not so pleasant, and leaves me longing for the country. Immensely six-worthy! (You're right - it's a long week when they're gone as quickly as mine were...*sigh*)
Beautiful poem! Smooth, lovely meter, and the slant wasn't noticeable at all. I'm the same, too - I prefer perfect end rhyme as much as possible, but in this case it's so well done, I had to look for it.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Well now, I hate the fact that I am going to sound insincere because I could say almost exactly what you wrote in the review of my tiny poem, "Misty" - this jewel evokes imagery wonderfully, both pleasant and not so pleasant, and leaves me longing for the country. Immensely six-worthy! (You're right - it's a long week when they're gone as quickly as mine were...*sigh*)
Beautiful poem! Smooth, lovely meter, and the slant wasn't noticeable at all. I'm the same, too - I prefer perfect end rhyme as much as possible, but in this case it's so well done, I had to look for it.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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It's my turn to thank you for the wonderful comments. I was quite concerned about the rhymes, as it's something new for me. But, having received some good comments, I'm inclined to think I'll not be so concerned about a perfect match all the time. Very much appreciate the kind assessment :) Craig
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It was truly my pleasure.
Comment from Teri7
Craig, This is a very well written poem with a lot of descriptive words and very good rhyming to me. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. I did not see any spag or error. Great job my friend! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Craig, This is a very well written poem with a lot of descriptive words and very good rhyming to me. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. I did not see any spag or error. Great job my friend! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for the lovely review, Teri. Glad the rhymes were ok - I was a bit concerned about that. Cheers - Craig
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow you capture a free spirit in this magnificient piece using todays word. Love the comparison and being a country girl, you captured my heart. Great rhyme and flow
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Wow you capture a free spirit in this magnificient piece using todays word. Love the comparison and being a country girl, you captured my heart. Great rhyme and flow
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thanks very much for the lovely comments, Barb. Since you're a country girl, I know you wouldn't have required much persuasion of the advantages :) Cheers, Craig
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Absolutely
Comment from Gloria ....
A lovely poem, Craig. I'm not a fan of big cities, mainly because of lack of wildlife, but also like you so aptly say, in addition to smog there's all that worry of getting somewhere in a hurry.
I think your proximate rhymes work nicely. Sometimes they're just the thing.
Great job with a fine poem. Many thanks for a new word. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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A lovely poem, Craig. I'm not a fan of big cities, mainly because of lack of wildlife, but also like you so aptly say, in addition to smog there's all that worry of getting somewhere in a hurry.
I think your proximate rhymes work nicely. Sometimes they're just the thing.
Great job with a fine poem. Many thanks for a new word. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thanks for the kind words, Gloria.And thank you for answering the question about the rhymes. It was my Not Quite Star Trek adventure - "to timidly go where (this) man has not gone before". Cheers, Craig
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and explanation of the word mauka. It is great how town's people using land marks to give directions. We also have a mountain, direct strangers either towards the mountain or away from the mountain.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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A very well-written poem and explanation of the word mauka. It is great how town's people using land marks to give directions. We also have a mountain, direct strangers either towards the mountain or away from the mountain.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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The very cool, Sandra. You saying that reminds me that when asked for directions to my place I often include "at the top of the hill". These geographical features seem to be important parts of our navigation. Cheers, Craig
Comment from Joy Graham
I like it Craig :) The near rhymes surprised me by being so nice and satisfying. I might not have noticed them being near rhymes if you didn't mention it in your author notes.
I really enjoyed the bouncy rhythm in your lines and terrific near rhymes.
Your new word for today makes me think of Star Trek Voyager. The Makee (I don't know how to spell it properly) are a group of rebels. It kind of fits in with your explanation of the Hawaiin word.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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I like it Craig :) The near rhymes surprised me by being so nice and satisfying. I might not have noticed them being near rhymes if you didn't mention it in your author notes.
I really enjoyed the bouncy rhythm in your lines and terrific near rhymes.
Your new word for today makes me think of Star Trek Voyager. The Makee (I don't know how to spell it properly) are a group of rebels. It kind of fits in with your explanation of the Hawaiin word.
Joy xx
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thanks for the kind comments, Joy, especially about the rhymes - I'm encouraged to use them in future. Your interesting reference to Voyager made me think of this as my own Not Quite Star Trek adventure - "to timidly go where (this) man has not gone before" ;-) Much appreciated - Craig
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is a delightful poem, Craig! Six stars for the terrific, vivid imagery that you have created for your reader.
You taught me, not one, but two new words here. In addition to "mauka", you taught me "stygian". Thank you for that!
I like the whole idea of this reflective write. It sends a message ... take your hustle and bustle and pollution, but give me the peace and serenity that nature has to offer.
The near rhyming works very well in my opinion. One hardly notices that many of the end rhymes are not perfect rhymes. In my opinion, it works just as well.
So very well done! ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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This is a delightful poem, Craig! Six stars for the terrific, vivid imagery that you have created for your reader.
You taught me, not one, but two new words here. In addition to "mauka", you taught me "stygian". Thank you for that!
I like the whole idea of this reflective write. It sends a message ... take your hustle and bustle and pollution, but give me the peace and serenity that nature has to offer.
The near rhyming works very well in my opinion. One hardly notices that many of the end rhymes are not perfect rhymes. In my opinion, it works just as well.
So very well done! ~~ Connie
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for the lovely stars, Connie! I'm astounded that you can get to almost the end of the week and still have some left! I'm very grateful for your kind comments - much appreciated :) Craig
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I've hardly been on the site this week, Craig, hence having some sixes left. My body was screaming for more physical activity and less time in front of the computer, so I've been at the pool nearly every day this week trying to keep my New Year's resolution to be more fit.
Usually I'm out of sixes by Wednesday, but this week I managed to have a few sixes left by Friday. Doesn't happen very often.
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That sounds like a brilliant idea. I've been getting my exercise this week by working in the garden (well, it's resembling one now) in around 100 degree heat. The pool sounds a MUCH better idea.
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I'll bet you could use a swim with that kind of heat! Your part of the world has it too hot right now, and my part of the world is much too cold. :)
Comment from RodG
This poet could be speaking for me. He describes everything I hate about city life and why I, too, would be heading inland to the mountains if I had a choice.
As far as the rhyme goes, I will never be a fan of AABB rhyming, so your poetic license actually WORKED for me because of the novelty.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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This poet could be speaking for me. He describes everything I hate about city life and why I, too, would be heading inland to the mountains if I had a choice.
As far as the rhyme goes, I will never be a fan of AABB rhyming, so your poetic license actually WORKED for me because of the novelty.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thanks very much for the kind comments, RodG. Your positive remarks about the rhyming count double for me, as you say you're not really a fan of that scheme. Greatly appreciated - Craig
