Legend Chasers
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Piasa Bird"An old man retells stories of fighting monsters.
28 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day again, Sis.
********** (These usually only have three; such as *** or ###)
""Tell her," Conner said, thumping his own shooter at the contested blue(-)green orb,"
"A putrid odor bathed them like an old horse blanket that had sat too long in a damp puddle, and chased off the scent of baking roast." (Yep, that'll do it. Great placement with the eeriness.)
"Without a word, the older man opened fire on the dragon-like creature." (Crikey... In Australia, we call shotguns, "scatterguns" because the bullets scatter. Scary shooting one where your two kids are, even if they're being attacked by a giant, hairy, lion-bird lol.)
"The bird dropped its prey in the middle of the marble circle and flew away with an unholy screech." (Phew! The old lady and the frying pan did the trick!)
"I've heard the South is rich with storytellers. It is a gift that should be treasured." (Correct, it's a dying art, thanks, in part, to the likes of Bill Gates and that Apple dude!")
What a great chapter, mate. I love that paisa bird. I'm sure glad we didn't have those buggers in the desert or I'd have had to catch them as a trial. lol.)
Brilliant work.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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G'day again, Sis.
********** (These usually only have three; such as *** or ###)
""Tell her," Conner said, thumping his own shooter at the contested blue(-)green orb,"
"A putrid odor bathed them like an old horse blanket that had sat too long in a damp puddle, and chased off the scent of baking roast." (Yep, that'll do it. Great placement with the eeriness.)
"Without a word, the older man opened fire on the dragon-like creature." (Crikey... In Australia, we call shotguns, "scatterguns" because the bullets scatter. Scary shooting one where your two kids are, even if they're being attacked by a giant, hairy, lion-bird lol.)
"The bird dropped its prey in the middle of the marble circle and flew away with an unholy screech." (Phew! The old lady and the frying pan did the trick!)
"I've heard the South is rich with storytellers. It is a gift that should be treasured." (Correct, it's a dying art, thanks, in part, to the likes of Bill Gates and that Apple dude!")
What a great chapter, mate. I love that paisa bird. I'm sure glad we didn't have those buggers in the desert or I'd have had to catch them as a trial. lol.)
Brilliant work.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 11-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Padna.
Glad to see you, again, for the wonderful review. You are special and important to my work.
Yes, the South is known for its storytellers, but so, as well, are Nyamal Elders. haha.
I agree on the internet killing good storytellers.
Thanks and give a huge howdy to my friends, the Kwalas!
Rhonda
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting story you have penned about the Native Piasa Bird. You used very good descriptive words, great imagery and great dialogue. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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This is a very interesting story you have penned about the Native Piasa Bird. You used very good descriptive words, great imagery and great dialogue. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Thank you, Terri! I appreciate the comments. I'm behind on posting on it, too. I'll get back on it. Thanks for encouraging me!
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I found this story charming and interesting. I must say I have never heard of a Piasa bird before. I do love these folklore type stories, though. Nicely done. I will watch for more.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2018
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Excellent. I found this story charming and interesting. I must say I have never heard of a Piasa bird before. I do love these folklore type stories, though. Nicely done. I will watch for more.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for the review. I'm researching North American Legendary creatures for this book. Many were started by ancient Native Americans, though some are from early pioneers. I started with the Piasa, because I had heard about it before. I do hope you are able to follow.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I really like this chapter, Rhonda.
-There is so much happening, as well
as ideas shared by characters, dialogue,
and surprises, too!
-The best part is Riley's story. As I read, I
thought this was happening as it would
in a fantasy story.
-It was made more dramatic as Connor
cried out for his brother and by actions of the parents.
-The surprise is learning Riley was telling the tale,
and a master storyteller he is.
-Good comments by the students.
-The final surprise is not just that Hank is
an art teacher, but he paints, as well.
-Nara's thoughts about it are very good, too.
[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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-I really like this chapter, Rhonda.
-There is so much happening, as well
as ideas shared by characters, dialogue,
and surprises, too!
-The best part is Riley's story. As I read, I
thought this was happening as it would
in a fantasy story.
-It was made more dramatic as Connor
cried out for his brother and by actions of the parents.
-The surprise is learning Riley was telling the tale,
and a master storyteller he is.
-Good comments by the students.
-The final surprise is not just that Hank is
an art teacher, but he paints, as well.
-Nara's thoughts about it are very good, too.
[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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My dear, friend, thank you for the dazzling stars!! It's nighttime here, and you've warmed the darkness.
Thank you for telling me what you liked about it. Old Riley will tell more of his stories. Some will be more believable than others, but he does know his creatures.
Nara should be more careful about judging people. haha.
Again, thank you for the stars and comments. I'm so glad it's shaping up now.
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and comments, Rhonda. I am glad they "warmed the darkness." I think you picked a good character to tell these stories. Nara just has to get used to those Southern men, which she just might do!
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She'll give it a try, if she can get past her own past and her prejudices!
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I am sure she has her own issues, and this whole new culture is hard to grasp for her.
Comment from rspoet
Rhonda
Hello Rhonda,
Legend often does have a basis in fact,
though I'm not sure about the scary Piasa bird,
his "wings batting away bullets like flies."
Sounds a bit more like a "tall tale,"
one that will scare young kids (and maybe adults) for sure.
That'll teach Connor for taking his young brother's favorite marble.
Nicely written with good dialogue
Nara and Hank seem to be well matched, like ends of a magnet.
Well done
RS
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Rhonda
Hello Rhonda,
Legend often does have a basis in fact,
though I'm not sure about the scary Piasa bird,
his "wings batting away bullets like flies."
Sounds a bit more like a "tall tale,"
one that will scare young kids (and maybe adults) for sure.
That'll teach Connor for taking his young brother's favorite marble.
Nicely written with good dialogue
Nara and Hank seem to be well matched, like ends of a magnet.
Well done
RS
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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You have caught on to Old Man Riley. He loves his tall tales. Notice he said he held on with Herculean strength... He's quite the storyteller.
Nara and Hank are a bit of two sides of a coin, or magnet, but I don't plan to make it cliche. No gratuitous "you know what" here. haha.
The legend and fact aspect will play its way through the book.
Again, thanks so much for the wonderful stars and comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from mbroyles2
I love the way you drew us into this chapter with the attack of the Piasa Bird. Like a medieval gryphon. That was bone-chilling.
Great backdrop to what lies ahead.
Looking forward to it.
Michael
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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I love the way you drew us into this chapter with the attack of the Piasa Bird. Like a medieval gryphon. That was bone-chilling.
Great backdrop to what lies ahead.
Looking forward to it.
Michael
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the sixes, Michael. I'm so glad you liked it, and left such an encouraging review. It's funny how the gryphon and the Piasa arose from opposite sides of the world, yet the description is so close to the same.
Thanks for the comments,
Rhonda
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello davisr (Rhonda)
there is no doubt in my mind that your fantasy tale told by the story teller Riley;
do I see hint of romance stating to brew in you well written story?
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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Hello davisr (Rhonda)
there is no doubt in my mind that your fantasy tale told by the story teller Riley;
do I see hint of romance stating to brew in you well written story?
Gert
Comment Written 16-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Gert! There might be something that develops into romance. We'll have to see...
There will be more fantasy stories, though!
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are welcome Ronda
Gert
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Nara and Hank seem to have a lot in common in spite of their different backgrounds. The story's really intriguing, with so much going on - exciting but chilling in places. Looking forward to reading more.
the scent of baking roast . - move period in
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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Nara and Hank seem to have a lot in common in spite of their different backgrounds. The story's really intriguing, with so much going on - exciting but chilling in places. Looking forward to reading more.
the scent of baking roast . - move period in
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the wonderful six star rating. I hope all is going well with you!
I'll fix the mistake, thanks for finding it!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Writingfundimension
Storytelling of the type featured in your chapter is in danger of becoming a lost art. As I read the legend of the Piasa, I wondered if, as some folks believe, some of the depictions of these creatures by Native peoples relate to unexplained visitors from another planet or dimension. This was, as they say, a rollicking good read!
Bev
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Storytelling of the type featured in your chapter is in danger of becoming a lost art. As I read the legend of the Piasa, I wondered if, as some folks believe, some of the depictions of these creatures by Native peoples relate to unexplained visitors from another planet or dimension. This was, as they say, a rollicking good read!
Bev
Comment Written 15-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Bev, for the exemplary review. You have really encouraged me. I had wondered how this would go over - mixing a Western with fantasy, but I've had fun writing it.
I have heard that about some of the ancient images being aliens. Some even seem to have helmets on their heads. Maybe I should put some of them in the story. This book opens me up to a lot of choices.
Again, thanks so much!
Rhonda
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I vote for going into the alien connection!
Glad to offer support and encouragement. That means a lot to every writer.
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It does mean a lot!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Aha! It was a matter of time till Nara found a guy to dream about. Hank and she have a lot in common considering their different geographical backgrounds. But is she ready for a new man so soon?
That was not a story for kids, with a piasa bird hauling off two of them. The kids will have nightmares for twenty years over that! I'm sure I will too. :)
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Aha! It was a matter of time till Nara found a guy to dream about. Hank and she have a lot in common considering their different geographical backgrounds. But is she ready for a new man so soon?
That was not a story for kids, with a piasa bird hauling off two of them. The kids will have nightmares for twenty years over that! I'm sure I will too. :)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Yeah, poor Riley is a bit inappropriate, but he means well. He's always about warning people of danger, and he believes danger is imminent.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Rhonda
