Reviews from

Dark Innocence

Two girls meet at the park

13 total reviews 
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

LOL! Sounds just like a couple of kids. As a matter of fact, I can almost remember a similar conversation. Huh, I would say it was about sixty years ago. Thanks for sharing, and good luck! :-)

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much, Ric! Some snippets are based on things children I know have said.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A good little piece this for the competition. reminded me of my little one with the approximate language usage...lol

the house when she get's like that." - gets.

seesaw can be a single word.

"that's true....Ok, let's go." - that's.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you! I'm glad you understand it.
Comment from dracofelsinensis
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This managed to be sweet, funny and sad at the same time, and all through dialogue only. Very well done!

I liked the child's take on the washing of men's clothes and the driving away again after. "I guess Mommies are not happy much...." - what a lesson to have had, at that age! Your joke about migraine reminded me of something we used to say about my mother's mother, namely that "my grandchildren" sounded like "migraine children" the way she pronounced it (sort of London accent, but not Cockney). Kids don't really understand migraines, do they?

A '5' would be rather mean so here's the Full Monty, a 5+.




 Comment Written 10-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you for the six stars and the generous review!
Comment from Joy Graham
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is adorable. Love the picture of the girls. I thought you had e xcellentmdialect for the young girls. From the mouths of babes :) You're the first entry to have kids talking. Could be to an advantage for you. I'm no expert, just thinking out loud. Best wishes in the contest. I think you have a terrific entry in my humble opinion.

Sincerely Joy xx

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you, Joy! Some bits are based on kids talking.
Comment from Dan Diego
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nice little play on words from the mouth of babes. One of the things I've been looking for in the onslaught of dialogue-only entries (mine included) is whether the writer can fill in the setting and theme by just using dialogue. In the case of this story, it was very easy to imagine the playground, I caught the sub-text of the adult themes in this write, and all the gaps were filled in quite nicely. That's hard to do. You made it look pretty easy. Nice job. You might only consider capitalizing the first word of the last line of dialogue. Thanks for posting. Should get noticed by the judges. Good luck.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you, Dan, for the generous review and the tips. Very helpful!
Comment from Teri7
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Brenda, This is a very well written dialogue contest entry you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording with the dialogue and great imagery with the picture. Best wishes in the contest my friend! Teri

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you, my friend!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I think this is a good writing for the 'Dialogue Only' writing prompt.
Well written and well said. The story is easy to follow.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you Sharon, for your generous review.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This dialogue is all too familiar and very very sad, poor kids, they get on bad slant on faithfulness, trust and when they figure out what's going on, they'll have a distorted idea on what love is all about, and in time the tragedy is, they may imitate their parent's behaviour. Well dine, great dialogue between the kids, funny but very sad. Well done, good job, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you, Roy. The review is appreciated.
reply by royowen on 12-Jan-2018
    Welcome
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well said, well done, dib-horse and duck-shun, dark innocence, two girl children to know, an interesting story; a good submission for dialogue only writing contest; thanks for sharing this with us; wish you best of luck. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for your review.
Comment from patcelaw
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is such a sad dialogue between two little girls who are lacking mommies that care for them. I wish you the best in the contest, Brenda. Many blessings, Patricia

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you, Patricia. :)