Cora. Part 3.
How the story ends.11 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
I still have to wonder why he got fired...? And then, I suppose he must have cared about our girl a bit at least if he bothered to come by and tell her why he wouldn't be coming 'round anymore, right? That's something. He could have just dropped off the planet and not said a single word.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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I still have to wonder why he got fired...? And then, I suppose he must have cared about our girl a bit at least if he bothered to come by and tell her why he wouldn't be coming 'round anymore, right? That's something. He could have just dropped off the planet and not said a single word.
Thanks!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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I guess he was fired when his uncle (the boss) realized he had had a daughter out of wedlock, but I've made this part up.
The part about the woman coming to tell Cora seems to be true, or so my mother says... (this is based on her life).
Thanks for reading.
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, what a conclusion to the John episode. Series goes along with your recent story about Amy having an affair. What I enjoyed about this present story is the shock Cora felt when she encountered a stranger:
'Yes. He wants you to know why he wasn't at the office this week. His girlfriend...'
'What? I thought I was his girlfriend.'
'Don't interrupt me. I don't have all day,'
Things--the relationship--unraveled from there as Cora learned she was not the only woman in John's life. It took her mum and sister to help her smile again after the affair ended.
The ending is tidy when you did a lot of telling instead of showing. The ending is too easy. Write telling details in your closing lines--like Cora admiring gifts from John and then destroying them. Try to end with an emotional image of Cora moving away from her obsession and affair with John. It could be a small thing--a ring, a dress--some tactile reminder that is forgotten, destroyed, or lingeringly cherished. A picture would say so much.
I found only one spag: in London (I love the city!), Underground is capitalized.
Thank you for sharing your talent again.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Wow, what a conclusion to the John episode. Series goes along with your recent story about Amy having an affair. What I enjoyed about this present story is the shock Cora felt when she encountered a stranger:
'Yes. He wants you to know why he wasn't at the office this week. His girlfriend...'
'What? I thought I was his girlfriend.'
'Don't interrupt me. I don't have all day,'
Things--the relationship--unraveled from there as Cora learned she was not the only woman in John's life. It took her mum and sister to help her smile again after the affair ended.
The ending is tidy when you did a lot of telling instead of showing. The ending is too easy. Write telling details in your closing lines--like Cora admiring gifts from John and then destroying them. Try to end with an emotional image of Cora moving away from her obsession and affair with John. It could be a small thing--a ring, a dress--some tactile reminder that is forgotten, destroyed, or lingeringly cherished. A picture would say so much.
I found only one spag: in London (I love the city!), Underground is capitalized.
Thank you for sharing your talent again.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading and for your suggestions, Andre.
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You're welcome, Maria. I have another suggestion. If you have not done so already, read giraffmang's "Little Things." He uses small details to describe loss. This gives his story a weight not found in Cora simply summarizing, "John became an anecdote."
Andre
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I haven't had time to read it. I'm really behind, so I'll have to jump lots of posts. At the moment there are 143 in my inbox and I start work tomorrow...
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Maria: I am so happy that you ended the John episodes. I really like Cora and she would definitely be better off. Like I said before she deserves better. No relationship should be that secretive and I am glad that you have revealed John's treachery. He was a cheating man, I knew it,aha!
I will continue to follow this story. I hope all continues to go well with Cora.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Good morning, Maria: I am so happy that you ended the John episodes. I really like Cora and she would definitely be better off. Like I said before she deserves better. No relationship should be that secretive and I am glad that you have revealed John's treachery. He was a cheating man, I knew it,aha!
I will continue to follow this story. I hope all continues to go well with Cora.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thanks for your review, Tier. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good chapter you have penned. I had wished it was a little longer. You always use such great wording and dialogue. It would be nice to read more about Cora! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This is a very good chapter you have penned. I had wished it was a little longer. You always use such great wording and dialogue. It would be nice to read more about Cora! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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I think I'll continue writing about her and maybe I'll post it here.
Thanks for your kind review.
Comment from aryr
This was a good chapter Maria. It provided answers to the many unanswered questions and brought an end to the relationship between Cora and John. It took time for her to recover but she did and went on with life. Great job.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This was a good chapter Maria. It provided answers to the many unanswered questions and brought an end to the relationship between Cora and John. It took time for her to recover but she did and went on with life. Great job.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading, Aryr.
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You are very welcome Maria.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH wow I never expected this ending but you do have a fantastic way of writing that leave us wanting more and wondering where you find these. Nicely done
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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OH wow I never expected this ending but you do have a fantastic way of writing that leave us wanting more and wondering where you find these. Nicely done
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Well, this is not all fiction. It's based on something that happened to my mum before she met my dad.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt story. It too often happens with young girls when they are used by a man who is not who he pretends to be. The only one who knows the pain he caused is the victim
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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A very well-written heartfelt story. It too often happens with young girls when they are used by a man who is not who he pretends to be. The only one who knows the pain he caused is the victim
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading, Sandra.
Comment from apky
I'm afraid I missed all the other episodes of your story, so I can't give you any valuable review with regards to the ending of the story. Otherwise this was a good and intriguing story which I enjoyed reading.
My suggestions and comments are below.
'Hi there.' ~ if I got this right, your story is taking place in London in the 1960s. I donĂ?t think anybody in London then would greet anybody else with a "Hi".
I'll tell you more, if I hear any thing(anything, as one word).
Cora felt as (if) she had been punched.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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I'm afraid I missed all the other episodes of your story, so I can't give you any valuable review with regards to the ending of the story. Otherwise this was a good and intriguing story which I enjoyed reading.
My suggestions and comments are below.
'Hi there.' ~ if I got this right, your story is taking place in London in the 1960s. I donĂ?t think anybody in London then would greet anybody else with a "Hi".
I'll tell you more, if I hear any thing(anything, as one word).
Cora felt as (if) she had been punched.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading and for noticing the typos and the hi thing.
Comment from doggymad
This was a rather surprising end to the romance Maria. At least John had the decency to let Cora know the truth, albeit too late.
And her thoughts were driving her crazy.
I was just wondering about this sentence and thought it a bit short. Being Irish I would have added it on to the previous one
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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This was a rather surprising end to the romance Maria. At least John had the decency to let Cora know the truth, albeit too late.
And her thoughts were driving her crazy.
I was just wondering about this sentence and thought it a bit short. Being Irish I would have added it on to the previous one
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Believe it or not this really happened to my mum. I don't know many details so I have elaborated a bit.
Thanks for reading.
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My dad neglected to mention the existence of a wife and two children until my mother met him at the doctors office. She was pregnant and so was his wife!!
hugs
Freda
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Oops! Reality is truly stranger than fiction.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi MJ,
I don't know. I was expecting more from the story. it all just seemed to stop. Nothing wrong with the write itself, other than a couple of little things. It just seemed a bit anti-climactic, but such is life.
'I don't know. It might not even be true. I'll tell you more, if I hear any thing. - need closing speech marks here.
a hint of hysteria crept into Cora's voice. - this should probably start with a capital 'A'.
Cora felt as she had been punched - as if.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi MJ,
I don't know. I was expecting more from the story. it all just seemed to stop. Nothing wrong with the write itself, other than a couple of little things. It just seemed a bit anti-climactic, but such is life.
'I don't know. It might not even be true. I'll tell you more, if I hear any thing. - need closing speech marks here.
a hint of hysteria crept into Cora's voice. - this should probably start with a capital 'A'.
Cora felt as she had been punched - as if.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thanks for noticing the typos.
What you say about the ending being anticlimactic might derive from the fact that this is not really a short story but the beginning of a novel, if I ever have the patience to finish it.
