Rising Tide
5-7-5 Contest Entry20 total reviews
Comment from johnwilson
Ha Ha! Another seductive piece! OK...usually, I dislike this type of poem, because you must know by now, I'm too wordy! However, this is pitch perfect, fellow writer. What else can I say, but WOW!
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Ha Ha! Another seductive piece! OK...usually, I dislike this type of poem, because you must know by now, I'm too wordy! However, this is pitch perfect, fellow writer. What else can I say, but WOW!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
Comment from Rubylou
Hello Mike,
I can feel the sadness in the words you have written. The ebb and flow of a relationship is brought to life in the metaphor of the salty ocean.
The tide rises but it also falls is what I thought as I saw the illustration you used.
The guy in the image seems to be experiencing your exact words.
Rubylou
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Hello Mike,
I can feel the sadness in the words you have written. The ebb and flow of a relationship is brought to life in the metaphor of the salty ocean.
The tide rises but it also falls is what I thought as I saw the illustration you used.
The guy in the image seems to be experiencing your exact words.
Rubylou
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
Comment from Writeling
Oooh, an enigmatic theme, which can only let us know the answer. I wonder what dark statues you see that makes you write this.
I really like your work. Writeling
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Oooh, an enigmatic theme, which can only let us know the answer. I wonder what dark statues you see that makes you write this.
I really like your work. Writeling
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the '5-7-5' writing prompt.
Well written, a good message with so few words, and the beautiful picture is an excellent match.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the '5-7-5' writing prompt.
Well written, a good message with so few words, and the beautiful picture is an excellent match.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey Mav, I see you've entered in great good time into the additional fiveseventyfive contest. Myself I would understand as more an extreme weather event such as the rising sea level due to melting ice-caps. But as a romance piece the metaphor works well, although I would prefer statements to be made in the same vein rather than questions.
Exceptional presentation and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Ange
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2017
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Hey Mav, I see you've entered in great good time into the additional fiveseventyfive contest. Myself I would understand as more an extreme weather event such as the rising sea level due to melting ice-caps. But as a romance piece the metaphor works well, although I would prefer statements to be made in the same vein rather than questions.
Exceptional presentation and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Ange
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2017
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I usually do refer to the rising tide as global warming. This would make a great discussion topic on writing and choices. I realize an ocean of tears is a hackneyed or even trite metaphor. BUT some writers would simply say, "The ocean is made from my tears". Others, would make an obvious metaphor. (oops) THEN, others would do as you suggest, write about it and let the reader feel the tears through imagery and wording ... that is how you would do it, I realize. That can't exactly be taught, but then, perhaps it can be to a degree. Ha. I start off on a tangent. I LOVE the embedding thing. I don't think the committee does though.
Thanks so much.
Mav
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I would say you met the requirements for the 5-7-5 poem contest. I counted the exact number of syllables, plus it makes sense and describes a love lost. I enjoyed reading. Good luck with the contest.
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I would say you met the requirements for the 5-7-5 poem contest. I counted the exact number of syllables, plus it makes sense and describes a love lost. I enjoyed reading. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Well written my friend. A play on the old adage, Does a bear...... The picture you choose is perfect for the words.
I like this one. Good luck in the contest.
Happy New Year!
Brigitte
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Well written my friend. A play on the old adage, Does a bear...... The picture you choose is perfect for the words.
I like this one. Good luck in the contest.
Happy New Year!
Brigitte
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
Comment from Heather Knight
So if I have understood correctly, the sea is salty (or saltier) because of your tears? This is a very original little poem.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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So if I have understood correctly, the sea is salty (or saltier) because of your tears? This is a very original little poem.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
Comment from rama devi
Expressive. Good metaphor. Fin 5-7-5 style poem. I like how you used spacing to sculpt cadences and also embedded the font in the picture. Well done! No nits. Fine use of questions.
Good luck, my friend.
Happy New Year!
Warmly, rd
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Expressive. Good metaphor. Fin 5-7-5 style poem. I like how you used spacing to sculpt cadences and also embedded the font in the picture. Well done! No nits. Fine use of questions.
Good luck, my friend.
Happy New Year!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
A reprise of the salt tears imagery I see, and no penalties for writing on the artwork this time. This actually brings the nature of the haiku into close contact with the human element normally associated with the senryu, a senku perhaps.
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A reprise of the salt tears imagery I see, and no penalties for writing on the artwork this time. This actually brings the nature of the haiku into close contact with the human element normally associated with the senryu, a senku perhaps.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2017
