Chocolate Ghazal
An introduction to the qafiya in a ghazal.46 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I must admit I was a chocoholic until chemo. After chemo, I've really no interest in chocolate. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I enjoyed reading your poem and I always appreciate the author's notes. I'm not a poet and they really help.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
  |
I must admit I was a chocoholic until chemo. After chemo, I've really no interest in chocolate. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I enjoyed reading your poem and I always appreciate the author's notes. I'm not a poet and they really help.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you, Barbara, for reading my poem and appreciating my notes. I?m glad you found it helpful.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Wonderful poem. Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. When I have bad days, I just eat lots of chocolate ice cream and dance to the Lion King soundtrack. It may sound odd, but it really helps.
Bill~
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Wonderful poem. Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. When I have bad days, I just eat lots of chocolate ice cream and dance to the Lion King soundtrack. It may sound odd, but it really helps.
Bill~
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you, Bill, for your delicious review. I'm glad chocolate helps on your bad days. Cheers.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello SisCat
Oh yes I see the humor in the deep desire for I the forbidding chocolate, what an original style of format you have your poem written in
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Hello SisCat
Oh yes I see the humor in the deep desire for I the forbidding chocolate, what an original style of format you have your poem written in
Gert
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Gert, for your delicious review of my poem about forbidden chocolate desire. I appreciate it.
-
You are welcome
Oh I have a tempting poem about chocolate
Should I post it?
Gert
-
Yes, post it. I?m hungry!
Comment from RGstar
I can understand the rhyme not coming at the end because with couplets it would have been too pronounced as I mentioned in the other poem's review. The rhyme coming just before the root rhyme. I can sense the reading in this one being less intense than the other because of that fact.
"kiddin'" I thought a little out in comparison with the other rhymes; forbidden, bedridden, overridden, ridden...
then realized it is pronounced slightly different in the States.
Well done.
M best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
I can understand the rhyme not coming at the end because with couplets it would have been too pronounced as I mentioned in the other poem's review. The rhyme coming just before the root rhyme. I can sense the reading in this one being less intense than the other because of that fact.
"kiddin'" I thought a little out in comparison with the other rhymes; forbidden, bedridden, overridden, ridden...
then realized it is pronounced slightly different in the States.
Well done.
M best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Yes, RG, that slight difference in pronunciation in the States made all the difference. Otherwise, I would have used the word "didn't."
Yes, putting the rhyme near the end instead of at the end modifies them both. It also creates a lot of play and creativity.
Thank you for your review.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Andre. You bring to us once more a valuable source of new information. To write it about chocolate seems fitting considering it has got to be one of the most addicting substances on this planet. Well done ... xoxo Kiwi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
 |
Hello Andre. You bring to us once more a valuable source of new information. To write it about chocolate seems fitting considering it has got to be one of the most addicting substances on this planet. Well done ... xoxo Kiwi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Yes, Kiwi, chocolate has got to be one of the most addictive things on the planet. Thank you for your review.
Comment from krys123
Cheers Andre';
-being honest, Andre', I find that this type of poetry doesn't do anything for me. I find it interesting and creative but that is all.
-The last one I reviewed I found interesting as an introduction to this type of form and I found it somewhat appealing.
-Your increased knowledge of this type of form is amazing and you created so well.
-I may share my opinions in this review that I also kind of dislike lengthy author's notes to explain what the poem is about how it is written. I don't know if you can call me a traditionalist or it just may be my ignorance and this may be the latter of the two.
-Good luck in your endeavors in with your spirited creativity.
Alex
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Cheers Andre';
-being honest, Andre', I find that this type of poetry doesn't do anything for me. I find it interesting and creative but that is all.
-The last one I reviewed I found interesting as an introduction to this type of form and I found it somewhat appealing.
-Your increased knowledge of this type of form is amazing and you created so well.
-I may share my opinions in this review that I also kind of dislike lengthy author's notes to explain what the poem is about how it is written. I don't know if you can call me a traditionalist or it just may be my ignorance and this may be the latter of the two.
-Good luck in your endeavors in with your spirited creativity.
Alex
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Alex, for your review and for wishing me good luck in my endeavors. Yes, the ghazal (older than the Shakespearean sonnet by a millennium) is quite different and fascinating. I will continue to explore poetry from the non-Western tradition.
I agree with you about lengthy author's, but since so many reviewers on FanStory know nothing about Persian, Arabic, and Indian poetry, I felt it important to inform them of ghazals. If we are going to station our troops all over the Middle East and cause riots in Jerusalem, the least we can do is learn the people's poetry.
Thank you for your support of my spirited creativity.
-
You're very welcome, Andre', and when even a have a new gig coming up. Because I know it's a little late now but December 15th. Good luck in your endeavors my friend and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from ameen786
Andre my friend, "Dubara Irshad"-is akin to encore; you are one unique talent on this awesome site my friend; thank you for sharing the Chocolate.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
 |
Andre my friend, "Dubara Irshad"-is akin to encore; you are one unique talent on this awesome site my friend; thank you for sharing the Chocolate.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, ameen786, for your generous six star review and for encouraging me to delve deeper into Persian, Indian, and Arabic poetry. I pushed myself in this one to add a key component missing from my first two ghazals, and now I learned a new phrase, "Dubara Irshad."
Thank you!
Comment from nomi338
How fitting it is for a chocolate brother to write about an addiction to chocolate. I mean what is a better thing to be addicted to than chocolate? I myself am not only addicted to chocolate, I am addicted to the color. I love not all, but most things that are chocolate in color and or tone.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
How fitting it is for a chocolate brother to write about an addiction to chocolate. I mean what is a better thing to be addicted to than chocolate? I myself am not only addicted to chocolate, I am addicted to the color. I love not all, but most things that are chocolate in color and or tone.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Oh, thank you, nomi338, for your generous review. Yes, what is a better thing to be addicted to than chocolate?
Comment from rama devi
Love this line:
Drink of the Mayans, mole of the Mexicans,
Love the subtle slant rhyme assonance here:
you're the reason why I'm bedridden, chocolate.
HA HA HA:
When this clinic for eating disorders feeds me,
kale and carrots have overridden chocolate.
Great alliteration of C-K sounds.
LOL:
When I bribe an orderly for a Hershey's Kiss,
flavonoid fantasies have ridden chocolate.
Witty. Nice F-alliteration too.
Fun closing:
"Andre Wilson, you wrote this ghazal about what?
You don't say! You've got to be kiddin'--chocolate?!"
Chocolate is a definite addiction. I'm gonna have to get some now...
Wheee,
rd
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Love this line:
Drink of the Mayans, mole of the Mexicans,
Love the subtle slant rhyme assonance here:
you're the reason why I'm bedridden, chocolate.
HA HA HA:
When this clinic for eating disorders feeds me,
kale and carrots have overridden chocolate.
Great alliteration of C-K sounds.
LOL:
When I bribe an orderly for a Hershey's Kiss,
flavonoid fantasies have ridden chocolate.
Witty. Nice F-alliteration too.
Fun closing:
"Andre Wilson, you wrote this ghazal about what?
You don't say! You've got to be kiddin'--chocolate?!"
Chocolate is a definite addiction. I'm gonna have to get some now...
Wheee,
rd
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Yes, Rama, I'm gonna have to get some chocolate myself. Thank you for your review and for pointing out the delicious lines that made you salivate.
-
Just ate some! Yum! :) Sea salt...
Comment from Neonewman
You have been busy young man! Chocolate, oh who doesn't love such a treat. I cave into just about anything over a snicker's bar lol. Thank you for sharing your talent.
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
You have been busy young man! Chocolate, oh who doesn't love such a treat. I cave into just about anything over a snicker's bar lol. Thank you for sharing your talent.
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
You're welcome, Steve. I thrill to share my talent and to have it well received. Thank you for your review.
-
A gift is certainly not best hidden i think. Love reading your work.
