Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very interesting and good short story for the Suspense event in the Flash Fiction club. Very good descriptive wording which made for every good imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017

Thanks for reading, Teri. Have a nice Sunday.

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

Maria, this is a suspenseful flash fiction story. A key line is the opening one which sets up your premise:

I didn't even bother to tell Ryan when Melinda was born, he had made it quite clear he didn't want anything to do with us.

Then there is Melinda's disappearance and reappearance:

Apparently, they had found her in Ryan's home ...

In America, if Ryan did not have child custody or visitation, he could be arrested for kidnapping. Such things often happen after divorces in which parents battle for custody of the children. I remember when my mother because frantic when her daughter turned up missing, only to find her wandering down the street and not whisked away by her father.

While writing suspense in two hundred words may be difficult to write, you succeeded here. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017

Thanks for taking the time to read and review, Andre.

Comment from pbomar1115

Excellent

Now, that was a close call. I almost went in to shock, learning that Melinda was missing. Those kinds of things happen just when you think everything is under control. I was happy that nothing happened to Melinda.

Phillip

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017

Thanks for your review, Phillip.

reply by pbomar1115 on 09-Dec-2017

You're welcome, Maria.

Phillip

Comment from Asem.inspirations

Excellent

Good morning, Maria: This is a great story for this writing prompt but I got a little bothered with this mother because she left her little baby home while she went to the store. Never, never, never should a mother ever, ever, ever do this not even for a minute. Anything could go wrong but I do realize that there are a rare few in this world who do take chances like this so it is credible in that light. The twist for me was that the daddy who she thought did not know about the baby, obviously did know about the baby. I'm sure that he preferred for her to leave the baby with him if she had to go anywhere. (lol)

Anyway, it is an interesting write and well written.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my little story, Tier.

Comment from smileycloud

Excellent

good edge of the seat story
could not wait to get to the finish to be sure it ended well
yes suspense in so few words is hard to do but
I do believe you "nailed it"
I was right there in the house all the way
could almost see the characters
well done
have a smiley day
Lorraine

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017

Thanks for your kind review, Lorraine.

Comment from Dan Diego

Excellent

I didn't count the words. I'll take your word for it. Of course, the suspense is triggered when you arrive home from the store. And although you list this as fiction, I think the police reaction to an incident like this is to look to the father first. It's a short story, so you chose your words carefully. There were no errors that stood out. I secretly hoped this incident was not autobiographical. See you around the site.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017

Not autobiographical at all, thank goodness!
Thanks for your review.

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Wow very interesting indeed. Nice to know that he cared enough but not that way.lol
Very well written and held my interest to see where you were going

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017

Thanks for reading and reviewing, Barb.

Comment from aryr

Excellent

You did a great job with this Maria. I can only imagine how difficult it is/ was to write a suspense in 200 words. But you did so rather well. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017

Thanks, Ayr.

reply by aryr on 07-Dec-2017

Most welcome.

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

difficult it might be but you did a wonderful job creating just that in this one. I was surprised that Ryan who didn't want to know did in fact know and was just a little put out by the chance your woman took. Well done. xoxo Kiwi

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017

Thanks for reading. Have a lovely day.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Maria

= Excellent write, and a sad but true story about how many peeps leave their kids to just go around the corner, then so many tragic things happen.

Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year ***
(*.*) A Smile Is Just A Smile Turned Upside-down (*.*)

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017

Thanks for reading, Jax.