A Night In Hell On Earth
Observation of a third kind37 total reviews
Comment from write hand blue
Nicely worded with a simple rhyming scheme. Good flow and meter. Expressive with good word selection. I particularity like several lines and the tone of this well written poem.
Great effort here.
~Mel~
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Nicely worded with a simple rhyming scheme. Good flow and meter. Expressive with good word selection. I particularity like several lines and the tone of this well written poem.
Great effort here.
~Mel~
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hi Mel and thank you very much for the read and great review. tom
Comment from Neonewman
Intensely crafted piece you have delivered here my friend. From the homeless to the present war at hand. Darkness has taken hold, we need to step up and save ourselves as we are responsible for our own truths.
God bless!
STeve
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Intensely crafted piece you have delivered here my friend. From the homeless to the present war at hand. Darkness has taken hold, we need to step up and save ourselves as we are responsible for our own truths.
God bless!
STeve
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hi Steve. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my post Steve. I am most honored. tom
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My pleasure Tom
Comment from Wabigoon
Easy--
Oh, lots I agree with here...but what about you? Are you but just an observer of all this or is the poet, better than most, equipped to DO something abut this?
That's my question here because you maintain a passive, observer mode as if there is nothing we, as poets, more than most, can do.
That's what I want to see here. Not that I don't disagree with your analysis but what's the diagnosis and cure?
Best
Jeff
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Easy--
Oh, lots I agree with here...but what about you? Are you but just an observer of all this or is the poet, better than most, equipped to DO something abut this?
That's my question here because you maintain a passive, observer mode as if there is nothing we, as poets, more than most, can do.
That's what I want to see here. Not that I don't disagree with your analysis but what's the diagnosis and cure?
Best
Jeff
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hi Jeff. Boy, you laid a lot of weight on my shoulders with that question Jeff. Fair question however. I don't know and I don't think anyone in the history of human development has ever adequately solved the disparities our race has
always dealt with. I guess my answer is I probably do what you also do which is help in
as many ways as I can both financially and volunteering my skill and experience where they can best be exploited. I think we all are, at best, passive observers of the enormous problems the world faces. I, like many of my friends and business associates, offer our expertise in those areas where we have abilities to help and each of us comes to the situations with varied skills. That's about all anyone can do. I thank you very much for both the review and for a tough, tough question. tom
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Easy--
I attempt to answer my own question in my latest post, True Creation Class. I may not succeed but do better than I would if I tried to respond to you here. Thanks.
I like you poetry, incidentally.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello easyeverett1
your first part debits exactly of how the homeless feel (now this is a part from a poem I wrote here on Fanstory
The homeless have ravenous appetites
not only for the substance of food
to sustain their empty body and souls
their thoughts are poor and low,
their hearts are cramped and dull,
their baffled faith is growing slow.
The second part does stir the feeling of the wars
now in existence I believe of what you said --is referring to the war of good and evil??
This is a poem to be put in my bookcase
Gert
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hello easyeverett1
your first part debits exactly of how the homeless feel (now this is a part from a poem I wrote here on Fanstory
The homeless have ravenous appetites
not only for the substance of food
to sustain their empty body and souls
their thoughts are poor and low,
their hearts are cramped and dull,
their baffled faith is growing slow.
The second part does stir the feeling of the wars
now in existence I believe of what you said --is referring to the war of good and evil??
This is a poem to be put in my bookcase
Gert
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much Gert. Take care friend. tom
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You are welcome Tom
Gert
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Well told. You really delve into the darkest parts of mankind but it's all true.
We should all realize that we are responsible for our own lives, truths, and actions.
There will be no one there at the end to forgive us our sins.
Sharon
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Well told. You really delve into the darkest parts of mankind but it's all true.
We should all realize that we are responsible for our own lives, truths, and actions.
There will be no one there at the end to forgive us our sins.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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I agree with you Sharon. We are but passengers on an average sized planet situated number three from our star and for the most part, rather helpless to solve our own problems let alone expect others to do so. It is a world of hyper-complex issues. Thank you Sharon. Most honored my friend. tom
Comment from MallardMike
This is extremely vivid and I really enjoyed the ready. I'm particularly fond of Part 1 where you did an outstanding job of painting a clear (and in my humble opinion, accurate) picture of the consumption-driven 1st world...the tie-in of the homeless and destitute is brilliant, particularly your reference to the mental health issues that commonly plague that community.
In part two, however, I feel as though you lose you way a bit with the story, and it's difficult to follow your message. I think some of that may be due to an over-commitment to the rhyme scheme...perhaps it would have been more effective to abandon the rhyme at certain stages in the interest of pursuing a purer message? I'm not sure. Just a though and one reader's opinion.
I look forward to reading more of your work. You've clearly got a knack for this :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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This is extremely vivid and I really enjoyed the ready. I'm particularly fond of Part 1 where you did an outstanding job of painting a clear (and in my humble opinion, accurate) picture of the consumption-driven 1st world...the tie-in of the homeless and destitute is brilliant, particularly your reference to the mental health issues that commonly plague that community.
In part two, however, I feel as though you lose you way a bit with the story, and it's difficult to follow your message. I think some of that may be due to an over-commitment to the rhyme scheme...perhaps it would have been more effective to abandon the rhyme at certain stages in the interest of pursuing a purer message? I'm not sure. Just a though and one reader's opinion.
I look forward to reading more of your work. You've clearly got a knack for this :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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I never over commit to anything Mallard. I will see as the night progresses if other reviewers are finding that I lose my way in the story and if they do I just quickly fix it. No problem. If you notice this is written in structured form and one doesn't abandon the form in mid-poem on purpose. Thanks Mallard. easyeverett
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
We are the Armageddon in the end.
The children sit in sick beds all alone
And blow flies drop their eggs on skin and bone.
The child will die when dark decends tonight,
By dawn the child has turned to maggot white. '
Another for my bookcase...you have a new number one fan. You have the talent to be number one on here. Not that it is entirely measured by talent (and that's half the trouble) but I will be surprised if I don't see you there next year. I don't expect I will place highly as I have books I need to compile now, and will have to wait until January but you a a talent in a million-WOW. Total poetic satisfaction reading this!Warmest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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We are the Armageddon in the end.
The children sit in sick beds all alone
And blow flies drop their eggs on skin and bone.
The child will die when dark decends tonight,
By dawn the child has turned to maggot white. '
Another for my bookcase...you have a new number one fan. You have the talent to be number one on here. Not that it is entirely measured by talent (and that's half the trouble) but I will be surprised if I don't see you there next year. I don't expect I will place highly as I have books I need to compile now, and will have to wait until January but you a a talent in a million-WOW. Total poetic satisfaction reading this!Warmest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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This is such a fine review Meia and I am most gratified that you enjoy my poetics. Thank you so very much for this outstanding review. tom
