A Close Encounter
A rough-living gent takes a trip to town9 total reviews
Comment from Wetbelly01
I like it!..... Looking forward to seeing more.... It seems to be developing
into an interesting piece.... I don't see any issues that need attending...
Good Job!!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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I like it!..... Looking forward to seeing more.... It seems to be developing
into an interesting piece.... I don't see any issues that need attending...
Good Job!!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2017
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Thank you kindly for your review. Yes, this is my first novel and I am having a lot of fun with it.
Comment from Brigitte Elko
You followed the prompt perfectly with this interesting story. It was amusing that the pot called the kettle black when describing these two characters both of which were drinkers. This is an excellent content entry, the words to be used were natural within the content, not forced. Good luck.
Brigitte
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2017
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You followed the prompt perfectly with this interesting story. It was amusing that the pot called the kettle black when describing these two characters both of which were drinkers. This is an excellent content entry, the words to be used were natural within the content, not forced. Good luck.
Brigitte
Comment Written 03-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate your inspiring words.
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My pleasure.
brigitte
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is an interesting story for the 'Use These Words' writing prompt.
The picture matches the story very well.
Well done and good luck to you with your story for the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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This is an interesting story for the 'Use These Words' writing prompt.
The picture matches the story very well.
Well done and good luck to you with your story for the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review and inspiring words.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story. Some people seems to attract trouble to them without doing anything to trigger the trouble to come their way. Just going to town to fill up supplies.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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A very well-written story. Some people seems to attract trouble to them without doing anything to trigger the trouble to come their way. Just going to town to fill up supplies.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. I am glad you liked the story.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice job of incorporating the words into this seamlessly. nice little piece for the comp.
Generally speaking, if one's dialect drops the 'g' off 'ing' words then we do it consistently. You don't always drop them off here. (such as in the first/second paragraphs with 'giving me fits', 'left the truck running')
I wonder who's stuff he stole - in this instance it would be whose.
It's also probably better to separate out speakers onto different lines rather than roll them together - for clarity.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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Nice job of incorporating the words into this seamlessly. nice little piece for the comp.
Generally speaking, if one's dialect drops the 'g' off 'ing' words then we do it consistently. You don't always drop them off here. (such as in the first/second paragraphs with 'giving me fits', 'left the truck running')
I wonder who's stuff he stole - in this instance it would be whose.
It's also probably better to separate out speakers onto different lines rather than roll them together - for clarity.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your excellent constructive review. It is reviews like yours that will help me become a better writer.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Good luck with your novel, this snippet is well written with some great descriptions that set the scene and I could smell the stench and feel the disgust and saw the action, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Good luck with your novel, this snippet is well written with some great descriptions that set the scene and I could smell the stench and feel the disgust and saw the action, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review and feedback. I really appreciate it.
Comment from gene roush
This has a good voice. The inner dialogue defines the character.
I found your pattern of weaving in and out of past and present tense to be a distraction:
"I (noticed)a beat-up old Ford in the parking lot as I staggered a little toward the front door. Damn, that miserable piece of shit (Larry Johnson's in here.) The (guy was) a thief, a liar, a no-good"
This is a humorous look at people I deal with every day.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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This has a good voice. The inner dialogue defines the character.
I found your pattern of weaving in and out of past and present tense to be a distraction:
"I (noticed)a beat-up old Ford in the parking lot as I staggered a little toward the front door. Damn, that miserable piece of shit (Larry Johnson's in here.) The (guy was) a thief, a liar, a no-good"
This is a humorous look at people I deal with every day.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
Comment Written 01-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your constructive feedback. I really appreciate it. Your feedback is the type of thing I am looking for so I can become a better writer. Thank you.
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I agree.
Comment from humpwhistle
Sorry about the four, but you've got some easy-fix formatting problems here. First, you need to insert paragraph breaks in your dialogue. Every time a new speaker speaks, you need a new paragraph. Also, you need to be consistent about 'droppin'' your gees. Do it, or don't. But be consistent.
I hope this helps.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Sorry about the four, but you've got some easy-fix formatting problems here. First, you need to insert paragraph breaks in your dialogue. Every time a new speaker speaks, you need a new paragraph. Also, you need to be consistent about 'droppin'' your gees. Do it, or don't. But be consistent.
I hope this helps.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 01-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review and feedback. I truly appreciate the advice on correcting my writing. This is exactly why I am here - to learn to be a better writer. Thank you again.
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Best of luck to you!. L
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Even with a gut full of hooch our hero has the good sense to turn and walk out on trouble. He made a good decision there. Looks like you used all the required words in your poem. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Even with a gut full of hooch our hero has the good sense to turn and walk out on trouble. He made a good decision there. Looks like you used all the required words in your poem. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 01-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review. I am so happy that you liked it.
