Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Welcome Day"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
10 total reviews
Comment from Diana L Crawford
I have reached this chapter. Your attention to detailed descriptions is amazing! The visual I get while reading is due to your creative ability to include so many nuances and that's for just about every paragraph! Nothing boring here. So are you about the age of this character? My son would be of the Tupac generation. The Xbox and Nintendo's just beginning to take hold and other era references. I'm out of 6's, but you so deserve one for each chapter. But come Sunday, I'll read more when I get refreshed-haha! xoxo
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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I have reached this chapter. Your attention to detailed descriptions is amazing! The visual I get while reading is due to your creative ability to include so many nuances and that's for just about every paragraph! Nothing boring here. So are you about the age of this character? My son would be of the Tupac generation. The Xbox and Nintendo's just beginning to take hold and other era references. I'm out of 6's, but you so deserve one for each chapter. But come Sunday, I'll read more when I get refreshed-haha! xoxo
Comment Written 04-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Wonderful! I love receiving unexpected reviews :) They brighten my day. I hope the story engages your senses in many ways. I was in my junior year of University during the time period of this story. I?m glad it relates :)
Regards,
Euell
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so my son is just a bit younger than you then. xoxo
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
This was a very interesting read. I especially enjoyed your presentation - the picture is real and the drawing is the abstract concept of the shadows. Good use of dialogue to move the story along. I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
This was a very interesting read. I especially enjoyed your presentation - the picture is real and the drawing is the abstract concept of the shadows. Good use of dialogue to move the story along. I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
Comment Written 14-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2017
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Thank you. Your review and rating is much appreciated
Comment from sunnilicious
I like the story, however, the details seem excessive. The story is about starting college, however, I am unsure what is important to remember. The visual imagery created was creative and strong, which is memorable. However, the story is too cluttered.
I would advise an edit based on theory writing of the 5 W's and sometimes How, especially to cut the details.
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I like the story, however, the details seem excessive. The story is about starting college, however, I am unsure what is important to remember. The visual imagery created was creative and strong, which is memorable. However, the story is too cluttered.
I would advise an edit based on theory writing of the 5 W's and sometimes How, especially to cut the details.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good chapter in your story.
The characters easy to see.
Well done.
I'm looking forward to whatever comes next.
Sharon
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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This is a good chapter in your story.
The characters easy to see.
Well done.
I'm looking forward to whatever comes next.
Sharon
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Awesome. Very happy to hear the story was easy to follow. Hope you will able to read past and future chapters. Thank you again!
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Awesome. Very happy to hear the story was easy to follow. Hope you will able to read past and future chapters. Thank you again!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Another gripping instalment.
marred only by the comments of disapproving parents claiming, "That's not music." - ah yes, every previous generations lament...
The narration in this feels very Twilight Zone like. Very atmospheric. It moves in sweeping motions, very much like a camera.
homesick can be one word.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Hi there,
Another gripping instalment.
marred only by the comments of disapproving parents claiming, "That's not music." - ah yes, every previous generations lament...
The narration in this feels very Twilight Zone like. Very atmospheric. It moves in sweeping motions, very much like a camera.
homesick can be one word.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Thank you again! :) I purposely tried to convey the panning of camera angles here to try and capture the atmosphere of moving into the dorms. I think you were the only one who caught that :)
thank you again for your continued attention.
Have an awesome week!
:)
Comment from apky
Excellent writing here. I like how your wonderfully vivid description in the passage below, is cleverly portrayed in Eu El's thoughts and character development in the ensuing paragraphs.
Excellent.
It is there we turn our attention to the second booth from the right, where a young girl is casually seated. She is dressed in a black business outfit. Her straight black hair, just touching her shoulders, is softly pressed against the phone's speaker, where her ear is slightly covered. Her exotic eyes tell an untold story of a foreign land, where many are familiar with, but few ever visited. She exhibits motions that are more mature and sophisticated as compared to the other girls her age; every moment of laughter is conservatively covered by her free hand. From behind the clear booth door, her conversation is inaudible.
Neither the shadow, or(nor; neither always goes with nor, and either goes with or) Eu El, realizes that the chapters of their fate will soon also overlap.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Excellent writing here. I like how your wonderfully vivid description in the passage below, is cleverly portrayed in Eu El's thoughts and character development in the ensuing paragraphs.
Excellent.
It is there we turn our attention to the second booth from the right, where a young girl is casually seated. She is dressed in a black business outfit. Her straight black hair, just touching her shoulders, is softly pressed against the phone's speaker, where her ear is slightly covered. Her exotic eyes tell an untold story of a foreign land, where many are familiar with, but few ever visited. She exhibits motions that are more mature and sophisticated as compared to the other girls her age; every moment of laughter is conservatively covered by her free hand. From behind the clear booth door, her conversation is inaudible.
Neither the shadow, or(nor; neither always goes with nor, and either goes with or) Eu El, realizes that the chapters of their fate will soon also overlap.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Awesome. Thank you for the kind comment. Happy to hear you found positives in the story. Hopefully, I can maintain that.
Appreciate the assist in the proofreading. Grammar scares me. Thank you again.
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Awesome. Thank you for the kind comment. Happy to hear you found positives in the story. Hopefully, I can maintain that.
Appreciate the assist in the proofreading. Grammar scares me. Thank you again.
Comment from Carmen Wentzel
Hi there. Very mysterious reading. I'm quite intrigued. Great writing! The pace was slow and brought a bit of the scariness you were describing. Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Hi there. Very mysterious reading. I'm quite intrigued. Great writing! The pace was slow and brought a bit of the scariness you were describing. Well done!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
Comment from Rasmine
Good beginning. I can't wait to find out what the shadow is, who it was, or where it came from.
The last couple of paragraphs are the best.
Hope your birthday was great!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Good beginning. I can't wait to find out what the shadow is, who it was, or where it came from.
The last couple of paragraphs are the best.
Hope your birthday was great!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Awesome! Thank you. Yes! I purposely built up the setting slowly to introduce the moving in to the dorms. Eu El is now in his young adult stage...more mature physically and mentally. And, along with his growth, so are his powers from previous chapters.
He now will encounter a new shadow that will test both his morals and perception of reality.
Thank you for a six! You got me inspired!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These places often have ghosts of the past and memories can be dark but often mythical and because these homes are temporary and transient, more souls seem to remain, food for thought here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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These places often have ghosts of the past and memories can be dark but often mythical and because these homes are temporary and transient, more souls seem to remain, food for thought here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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I did base this story on a personal experience. Thank you for the kind rating and insight. There are relevant facts involved here pertaining to the consistencies you pointed out. Thank you
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I did base this story on a personal experience. Thank you for the kind rating and insight. There are relevant facts involved here pertaining to the consistencies you pointed out. Thank you
Comment from Ricky1024
This piece was written on past college experiences and very well with great descriptive measures theme and imagery it flowed well read well with no grammar issues thanks for this doctor Wiki 1024
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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This piece was written on past college experiences and very well with great descriptive measures theme and imagery it flowed well read well with no grammar issues thanks for this doctor Wiki 1024
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Awesome! Thank you for taking the time to read. Your kind rating is encouraging for me as an amateur writer. Thank you again!
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Awesome! Thank you for taking the time to read. Your kind rating is encouraging for me as an amateur writer. Thank you again!
