Like Footprints
Minute Poetry contest entry16 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
A beautifully written minute poem for the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. May you be blessed with a great weekend. Patricia
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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A beautifully written minute poem for the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest. May you be blessed with a great weekend. Patricia
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the great review and good luck wishes, Patricia. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from rama devi
FINE SIMILE - and excellent slant rhyme here:
Like footprints where the soft snow falls
and time won't pause,
Pass and last are a good slant rhyme too.
Fine personification:
while time's embrace
slows not its pace.
Potent closing note of mortality and impermanence in the final stanza. However, the flow is awkward with your punctuation choices, IMHO. Example edit for your consideration:
Then comes the day we look behind,
and what we find:
so sad the song...
our footprint's gone.
Fine minute poem.
Fine presentation.
So true.
Good luck.
Warmly,r d
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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FINE SIMILE - and excellent slant rhyme here:
Like footprints where the soft snow falls
and time won't pause,
Pass and last are a good slant rhyme too.
Fine personification:
while time's embrace
slows not its pace.
Potent closing note of mortality and impermanence in the final stanza. However, the flow is awkward with your punctuation choices, IMHO. Example edit for your consideration:
Then comes the day we look behind,
and what we find:
so sad the song...
our footprint's gone.
Fine minute poem.
Fine presentation.
So true.
Good luck.
Warmly,r d
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much for the kind and detailed review, rd. I thought about adding the comma after behind but I get mixed feedback when I put a comma just before the word and. I don't really know what's right for that situation. I will add the other though. I wasn't sure if a comma was right there either, lol. I really appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes, rd. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great weekend.
Ron
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Ah yes, The rules for commas with conjunctions depend on whether the subsequent clause (after the conjunction) is DEPENDENT or INDEPENDENT. It is actually quite easy to discern. If the second sentence after the AND has its own SUBJECT, it is an independent clause and NEEDS A COMMA. If it relies on the subject from the first clause, then there should NOT be a comma. Hope that makes sense? In this case, it is indeed hard to say but there is WE there. So that is the subject...
Have a great weekend too!
WARMLY, RD
Comment from Mimi Linny
Nicely done piece of Minute poetry that meets both the rhyme and meter of a traditional Minute poem. The soft words chosen flow smoothly to make a lovely read. Artwork chosen is a very nice compliment to the poem... Very much enjoyed and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Nicely done piece of Minute poetry that meets both the rhyme and meter of a traditional Minute poem. The soft words chosen flow smoothly to make a lovely read. Artwork chosen is a very nice compliment to the poem... Very much enjoyed and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Hey, Mimi, hi. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and gracious stars. I appreciate the good luck wishes and kind words. I'm glad you liked this little piece. Have a great weekend.
Ron
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You have a great one, too!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A lovely Minute poem.
The poem paints a beautiful picture and the picture you've posted with if is equally beautiful.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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A lovely Minute poem.
The poem paints a beautiful picture and the picture you've posted with if is equally beautiful.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Sharon. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a wonderful weekend.
Ron
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem tells of the passing of time and aging. It reminds us that time goes by quickly and if we don't do something our footprints will fade out of memory which is a metaphor for death.
This should do well in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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This poem tells of the passing of time and aging. It reminds us that time goes by quickly and if we don't do something our footprints will fade out of memory which is a metaphor for death.
This should do well in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review, dragonpoet. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great weekend.
DS
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You're welcome. Enjoy yours too.
dp
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
This is a lovely sentiment to think about the things we've done and the places we've been. The footprints may have disappeared, but the memories will remain forever,
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
This is a lovely sentiment to think about the things we've done and the places we've been. The footprints may have disappeared, but the memories will remain forever,
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Patty. Yes, the memories will remain. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a wonderful weekend.
Ron
