Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Phillip, I liked this little story. It's always a bit melancholic to meet somebody you used to have a crush on.
A couple of things: When she came over to the booth, I slid out of the booth to my feet. I would suggest: When she came over, I slid out of the booth ... Or you could say : when she approached, I slid out of the booth ... This way you don't use booth twice in the same sentence.
It was thrilling to see her = I was thrilled to see her. Makes the sentence much more active rather than passive.
More dialogue would also be good. I hope this helps. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2017

Thanks, Ulla.You are a genius. I will use those needed suggestions.

Phillip

Comment from teols2016

Excellent

Another opportunity lost. God only knows what the trucker's intentions are...I'm sure you do. A great tale. I hope there's a follow-up, but it also stands well on its own. Great job.

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2017

Thanks for reading, teaols2016.

Phillip

Comment from emptypage

Excellent

The only thing I see wrong here is that Waffle House doesn't serve pancakes! Not in Tennessee or Georgia, at least.

"I wear contact lens(es) now."

Great story.

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Thank, Marla.

Phillip

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Phillip;
An interesting premise you present in this story. The main character has had a hard day, and when he stops for a quick and comforting meal, he encounters the 'one that got away.'

A bit more dialogue would help, and be careful of your sentence structure,

~patty~

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

There you are, Patty. Working in the dungeon is slow and tough going for me. I will continue to fly solo but in the long run, I will get better. It takes time and practice. Because sentence structuring is not easy for me, I welcome the challenge. Thanks for reading, Patty.

Phillip

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

I wonder if you don't linger too long on exposition, with too many adjectives, saying directly what might better be implied in dialog. Not a serious thing. Those Waffle Houses, Huddle Houses, Waffle Kings and the like have that night owl flavor.
Especially after last call at the Pourhouse. Lots of tipsy gals and grouchy boyfriends.
Excellent story.

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Thanks for reading, LIJ Red.

Phillip

Comment from Angela VA

Excellent

Is this actually fiction? It reads like something that actually happened. This story flowed well and held my attention. It sounds like poor Wendy didn't know how to make good choices or say "no" to ones she regretted. Too bad.

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Yes, and no. I embellished much of it. I used my imagination to what I know. Thanks for reading, Angela VA.

Phillip

Comment from giraffmang

Good

Hi there,
This is an odd little piece about chance meetings but funny how some things don't change.

and open at 2: 15 am - 2:15.

truck drivers big rigs - drivers'.

down on our pass - past?

making the average girl look secluded and under some sort of vow to be obedient.- not really sure what you're getting at here.

Hope he got the pancakes
G

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Thanks, G. I will make the correction and hope to remember them for the future.

Phillip

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

PB,
This is a well written piece that engages the reader right away. The story line is fresh as the ending is humorous. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Did you mean to say Chevy here-1964 Chey?

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Yes, I did. Thanks for catching that, GracieAnn.

Phillip

Comment from apky

Excellent

Excellent write, my friend.
Keep it up. Some suggestions for you below, if you want them.

It was my lucky night(,) or morning rather(,) when I slithered into an opened booth.

I told her(,) (delete-and) watched the waitress and out of the blue, there was Wendy Wills.

"Oh. I wear contact lens know(now)."

"What's going on(,) Wendy? Is he looking for you?"

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Certainly, I need your suggestions, apky. This is one of the reasons I try keeping my stories short. I need the corrections for my pieces.

Philip

reply by apky on 06-Nov-2017

Always happy to help wherever I can, Phillip.

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

That's good news for me, apky.

Phillip

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Haha!! Still hungry, huh?

Well, you certainly can't live on love-- or whatever this may have been. *smile*

Curious about the big guy dogging her. Interesting!!

Thanks!

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017

Everyone has to have love, he just loved pancakes more at that time. Now, Tell me, who can turn down a large helping of pancakes?

Phillip