Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "A long way from Durham Town"Fiction and non-fiction prose
15 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
You did very well with this prompt. You pulled me into the story using the realism of your words. I felt as if I were right there in the desert during this conflict. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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You did very well with this prompt. You pulled me into the story using the realism of your words. I felt as if I were right there in the desert during this conflict. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the kind comments. I'm glad you found the story engaging :)
Comment from emptypage
This was very creative. I enjoyed the whole "empowered woman" thing. I think she's badass and wonderful, your hero.
I'm not one who believes all of Islam--or even most--is bad. But these people, especially the pale-skinned traitors recruited from the internet or wherever deserve exactly this response.
Unique. Gets my vote.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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This was very creative. I enjoyed the whole "empowered woman" thing. I think she's badass and wonderful, your hero.
I'm not one who believes all of Islam--or even most--is bad. But these people, especially the pale-skinned traitors recruited from the internet or wherever deserve exactly this response.
Unique. Gets my vote.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the vote, and the very kind words. I have read a lot about the female YPJ fighters, and I wouldn't want to be messing with them. Much appreciated!
Comment from LIJ Red
Good take on a rather inflexible prompt. The girl's name, the brutal captor, the hand problem; no way to go except crime or terrorism, or that combo, war. The spags if any eluded me. Fivers.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Good take on a rather inflexible prompt. The girl's name, the brutal captor, the hand problem; no way to go except crime or terrorism, or that combo, war. The spags if any eluded me. Fivers.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks very for for reviewing, and for the kind comments - much appreciated.
Comment from write hand blue
Hi mystery writer, a story of the battle for Raqqa set in Afghanistan.
It may be fiction but it sounded real to me. I liked the story and the unguessable ending.
Exciting and well written.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi mystery writer, a story of the battle for Raqqa set in Afghanistan.
It may be fiction but it sounded real to me. I liked the story and the unguessable ending.
Exciting and well written.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you very much for the kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Comment from Joy Graham
Hello Mystery Writer,
I'm sitting with my cup of coffee in my hand, and ipad on my lap. This is a delightful contest, and I plan to read every entry. My own story writing skills aren't as good as the general population here on fanstory, so I resisted all temptation to give this contest a try.
I think you did a fine job of continuing the story from the blurb you were given. Excellent soldier tough talk to keep up the momentum. Good picture to put the reader in the proper part of the world.
The joke going around lately is that there won't be any virgins in the afterworld now that Hugh Hefner is there. He's likely up there singing, "Oops I did it again...".
This is a fine contest entry. All my best to you in the voting booth.
Sincerely,
Joy xx
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hello Mystery Writer,
I'm sitting with my cup of coffee in my hand, and ipad on my lap. This is a delightful contest, and I plan to read every entry. My own story writing skills aren't as good as the general population here on fanstory, so I resisted all temptation to give this contest a try.
I think you did a fine job of continuing the story from the blurb you were given. Excellent soldier tough talk to keep up the momentum. Good picture to put the reader in the proper part of the world.
The joke going around lately is that there won't be any virgins in the afterworld now that Hugh Hefner is there. He's likely up there singing, "Oops I did it again...".
This is a fine contest entry. All my best to you in the voting booth.
Sincerely,
Joy xx
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Haha, good old Hugh - God love him. I'm certain you'd do just fine in any contest, Joy. I'm a wet-behind-the-ears novice compared to the majority of those I expected to be entering this contest, so I only did it as a challenge to myself. Thanks for the kind and supportive comments :)
Comment from dracofelsinensis
Jennifer's 'sang froid' and acceptance of her dire situation were admirable. She did the best she still could and was a credit to her training.
I liked it when she briefly pictured being "back in Lanchester, sitting outside Kaffeehaus Amadeus enjoying coffee and cake": this evoked peaceful civilian life so well, with the German cafe name, the hint of Mozart, nice cake.
The convert did seem to fit her description of a loser who 'couldn't get laid in the UK', using words like 'bitch' and 'slut' and talking of violence to women, e.g. "There'll be a party tonight, no virgins involved. Certainly not by the time it's over."
Just as well his new Muslim friends didn't hear him say "For Christ's sake ..."
This was very good and I hope you do well in the competition!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Jennifer's 'sang froid' and acceptance of her dire situation were admirable. She did the best she still could and was a credit to her training.
I liked it when she briefly pictured being "back in Lanchester, sitting outside Kaffeehaus Amadeus enjoying coffee and cake": this evoked peaceful civilian life so well, with the German cafe name, the hint of Mozart, nice cake.
The convert did seem to fit her description of a loser who 'couldn't get laid in the UK', using words like 'bitch' and 'slut' and talking of violence to women, e.g. "There'll be a party tonight, no virgins involved. Certainly not by the time it's over."
Just as well his new Muslim friends didn't hear him say "For Christ's sake ..."
This was very good and I hope you do well in the competition!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you very much for the thoughtful and kind review. I appreciate the good wishes too. You're right, they probably wouldn't have taken too kindly to that particular piece of profanity.
Comment from BeasPeas
From the lines you were given to begin your story (bolded) you eased into it smoothly and picked up the dialogue which carries realistically throughout. I'm a little unsure of the ending, but assuming there was some sort of explosive device under the toilet lid that blew them both up. Perhaps those 1-2 sentences could be made more clear for the reader, but a very good story and I wish you luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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From the lines you were given to begin your story (bolded) you eased into it smoothly and picked up the dialogue which carries realistically throughout. I'm a little unsure of the ending, but assuming there was some sort of explosive device under the toilet lid that blew them both up. Perhaps those 1-2 sentences could be made more clear for the reader, but a very good story and I wish you luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thanks very much, Marilyn. You surmised correctly about how it ends. Your kind words and good wishes are both very much appreciated.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry for the Double Blind Challenge contest. You certainly made the most of your prompt, and your story has a ring of truth to it.
Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry for the Double Blind Challenge contest. You certainly made the most of your prompt, and your story has a ring of truth to it.
Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thanks for the kind comments and the good wishes.
Comment from apky
The world is really going southside this 21st century.
Yet things would be so easy to fix. Thanks anyway for a delightful read and a thought-provoking theme.
The following lines were excellent and made me root for Jennifer:
inally, Jennifer freed herself, and allowed the trousers to slide to her ankles. She thought of the thousands of women who had been raped, tortured and killed by the men with whom this pimple-faced degenerate had chosen to align himself. She remembered the dozens of friends and comrades she had lost already, and the sisters of those comrades who had disappeared, never to be seen again. She shuddered contemplating the fate awaiting those who had been captured today. A single tear welled in the corner of her eye, then spilled out onto her cheek.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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The world is really going southside this 21st century.
Yet things would be so easy to fix. Thanks anyway for a delightful read and a thought-provoking theme.
The following lines were excellent and made me root for Jennifer:
inally, Jennifer freed herself, and allowed the trousers to slide to her ankles. She thought of the thousands of women who had been raped, tortured and killed by the men with whom this pimple-faced degenerate had chosen to align himself. She remembered the dozens of friends and comrades she had lost already, and the sisters of those comrades who had disappeared, never to be seen again. She shuddered contemplating the fate awaiting those who had been captured today. A single tear welled in the corner of her eye, then spilled out onto her cheek.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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I will agree with you wholeheartedly on your first point.
Much appreciated (I was rooting for Jennifer too).
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is extremely well written, so much so that I could visualize the scene as I was reading. A very professional way of writing and a convincing story. Reading the prompt, you followed it up well. A radicalized Geordie, torturing a fellow Geordie - Good luck in the contest from another Geordie, LOL - Dorothy
ps. Nice title - You do know that people from Durham Town are not Geordies LOL?
Near Enough LOL.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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This is extremely well written, so much so that I could visualize the scene as I was reading. A very professional way of writing and a convincing story. Reading the prompt, you followed it up well. A radicalized Geordie, torturing a fellow Geordie - Good luck in the contest from another Geordie, LOL - Dorothy
ps. Nice title - You do know that people from Durham Town are not Geordies LOL?
Near Enough LOL.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Caught! I found a lot of references to people from northern county Durham being called Geordies, and seeing as Durham town is less than 10 miles from the northern border (and less than 15 from Newcastle!), I assumed they might be. But I will gladly accept the word of one who is themself a Geordie :)
Many thanks for the lovely review and the generous rating, Dorothy. I'm glad you found it convincing, in spite of the little slip-up.
