Dreams of the Universe
A Dreamer Sailing the Dark Skies11 total reviews
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is a really great story on your travels through the mysterious uncharted universe, my friend, I truly found it very enjoyable. It caught my eye when I went to read your lavender moon piece. I am intrigued with the universe and I am a very vivid lucid dreamer as well, I can totally relate to this piece. I love this part of your 1st paragraph: "Every night we die and live in our minds as our bodies rest. But just suppose that while we sleep our spirit rises into the heavens and lives in another world." This is pretty amazing, I believe it's true. Kinda crazy, huh? Great story:))
~Kerry
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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This is a really great story on your travels through the mysterious uncharted universe, my friend, I truly found it very enjoyable. It caught my eye when I went to read your lavender moon piece. I am intrigued with the universe and I am a very vivid lucid dreamer as well, I can totally relate to this piece. I love this part of your 1st paragraph: "Every night we die and live in our minds as our bodies rest. But just suppose that while we sleep our spirit rises into the heavens and lives in another world." This is pretty amazing, I believe it's true. Kinda crazy, huh? Great story:))
~Kerry
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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Thank you. It's not crazy cause if it was we would not dream. We would be zombies live in a world of grey. But we are not, we live, we love. The rest does not matter. Yet, when we dream...??? no one knows.
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That is very true. Enjoy your day:))
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written interesting theory and story about what happen to our souls while er sleep and rest our body our souls go on a tour through the universe to explore.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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A very well-written interesting theory and story about what happen to our souls while er sleep and rest our body our souls go on a tour through the universe to explore.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you. They are dreams that I had and have. Many stay in my mind as if wanting to speak
Comment from estory
There's lots of imagination in this piece, you create a whole new kind of world, with a whole new order, but amazingly, still the same problems, that we seem to bring with us in our sleep. It could be the start of a series, of a serial piece. We are curious to see what happens next here. There seem to be endless possibilities, endless places to go, and good and bad, those eternal adversaries, and the makers of drama, are here too. So you have the ingredients for something bigger. I just think it needs to be fleshed out a little more, dig deeper into the dialogue, bring out the personalities and the characters a little more. estory
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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There's lots of imagination in this piece, you create a whole new kind of world, with a whole new order, but amazingly, still the same problems, that we seem to bring with us in our sleep. It could be the start of a series, of a serial piece. We are curious to see what happens next here. There seem to be endless possibilities, endless places to go, and good and bad, those eternal adversaries, and the makers of drama, are here too. So you have the ingredients for something bigger. I just think it needs to be fleshed out a little more, dig deeper into the dialogue, bring out the personalities and the characters a little more. estory
Comment Written 13-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you. I know of the potential possibilities and I'm trying to measure up. I've forgotten more then I've learned, but with help from the writers of FanStory, I shall try to do better. I'm just a small voice. My dreams yell at me and sometimes do not let me go until I write what I recall. I have many in storage wanting to come out and play. Thank you once more for a great review.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written descriptive piece. Your introduction really drew me in made me think about the possibility. The story itself has natural-sounding dialogue, strong believable characters and the plot moved along nicely. It deserves a six, but unfortunately, I'm out. Great job, Be proud of yourself because you did it!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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This is a very well-written descriptive piece. Your introduction really drew me in made me think about the possibility. The story itself has natural-sounding dialogue, strong believable characters and the plot moved along nicely. It deserves a six, but unfortunately, I'm out. Great job, Be proud of yourself because you did it!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thanks Mistydawn. I have more I just have to clean the cobwebs of them.
Comment from Mabaker
Different. Very well constructed and a good read. I've never thought about dreams being places but why not? I had some that I wished were real. It was a lovely story. Well done, Mabaker
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Different. Very well constructed and a good read. I've never thought about dreams being places but why not? I had some that I wished were real. It was a lovely story. Well done, Mabaker
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you. Everyone has dreams that's where writers are born.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this. lol It is well written with a nice tone and the language is very engaging. I liked it.
Couple of things I noticed-
This place is heaven, not the heaven you're thinking off - of.
sound like violins strings - just violin here.
but is appears to float in the air - it.
aromas of the delicacy's cooking - delicacies in this instance I think.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Hi there,
To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this. lol It is well written with a nice tone and the language is very engaging. I liked it.
Couple of things I noticed-
This place is heaven, not the heaven you're thinking off - of.
sound like violins strings - just violin here.
but is appears to float in the air - it.
aromas of the delicacy's cooking - delicacies in this instance I think.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you! I read it many times but I see only with blind eyes. Thank you for helping me. :)
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
this piece is very imaginative and has the ring of truth to it. Who knows? We may just be treated to the places in our imaginations when we dream. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Hi there;
this piece is very imaginative and has the ring of truth to it. Who knows? We may just be treated to the places in our imaginations when we dream. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 12-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you. Words have to come from somewhere when we write, that's our imagination.
Comment from hvysmker
It's very descriptive though hard to understand. Of course, that's how dreams do appear, as seeming bits barely connected and meandering. At least my impression of my own dreams. I'll now read more toward grammar than impression. Most of my own dreams between deep sleep, rapid eye movement, and waking is briefly remembered as somewhat disjointed, as seen through a glass darkly. Within a minute, I lose all perspective as it fades to less than a dim memory. I know some people can recall it later, but not myself. I've tried writing the last shreds of dreamy mist down on waking, but have retained nothing but scribbling. Sometimes I wonder about whether they were lost wisdoms, or simply bits of disassociated ancient memories.
So far, I see no errors and will continue while looking for grammar errors.
As we get closer to the house, I look once more at the trees and see heart-shape leaves, playing beautiful music.
*** I'd take out both those commas? And you should separate paragraphs with blank lines. It's not always done in print but makes it easier to read on a monitor. That's why everybody does it here. I think it's because of how eyes tend to lose location while reading vertically.
The door to the house opens and I'm greeted with aromas of delicacy's cooking.
*** Is delicacy a person's name? If so, capitalize it.
Hey young fella, my name's Jake, and these here is my lady, Bliss.
*** this here
Welcome to the world of Love.
*** If a place, capitalize "World". If not, love should be lower case.
I declare some place you traveled too made even me blush.
*** places traveled to
"Oh, don't you know that when a body is at rest there are many other spirits traveling, and if they can destroy you at one end they can take over your body?
*** Confusing to me. Maybe something like, "Oh? Don't you realize that when a body is at rest, there are many other spirits still traveling. Evil ones can then overtake and destroy you."
I eat and feel my oneness fill with strength and light. I see the beauty of this place as the stars swirl before my eyes and sail once more the darkened sky.
*** I'd put a comma after "place"? Then, ".....place, even as the stars swirl before my questing eyes, to sail once more through darkened skies." Or something like that. You're a poet, try to sound more like one.
I once sold four stories to a small publisher for a hardcover book he printed. Somehow, he turned two entire 1 to 3,000 word stories to poems. When he sent me a complimentary copy I was flabbergasted. All he did was format them as poetry. That was the point where I realized I had no understanding of modern poetry and quit even reading it. What the hell? At least he paid for them, so I suppose he could do it if he wanted.
You have to be more careful. Certainly space your paragraphs, even if they're only one line or even one word. "Okay." can be a paragraph. One subject or one speaker is a paragraph, even if he says only one word or performs one action. The next speaker or subject is a new paragraph, after a blank line.
Also read your story out loud before posting. That and go over it a couple of times to look for wrong words or words with wrong meaning - too or two or to? You mentioned my overuse of the word "shit". You've done the same with
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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It's very descriptive though hard to understand. Of course, that's how dreams do appear, as seeming bits barely connected and meandering. At least my impression of my own dreams. I'll now read more toward grammar than impression. Most of my own dreams between deep sleep, rapid eye movement, and waking is briefly remembered as somewhat disjointed, as seen through a glass darkly. Within a minute, I lose all perspective as it fades to less than a dim memory. I know some people can recall it later, but not myself. I've tried writing the last shreds of dreamy mist down on waking, but have retained nothing but scribbling. Sometimes I wonder about whether they were lost wisdoms, or simply bits of disassociated ancient memories.
So far, I see no errors and will continue while looking for grammar errors.
As we get closer to the house, I look once more at the trees and see heart-shape leaves, playing beautiful music.
*** I'd take out both those commas? And you should separate paragraphs with blank lines. It's not always done in print but makes it easier to read on a monitor. That's why everybody does it here. I think it's because of how eyes tend to lose location while reading vertically.
The door to the house opens and I'm greeted with aromas of delicacy's cooking.
*** Is delicacy a person's name? If so, capitalize it.
Hey young fella, my name's Jake, and these here is my lady, Bliss.
*** this here
Welcome to the world of Love.
*** If a place, capitalize "World". If not, love should be lower case.
I declare some place you traveled too made even me blush.
*** places traveled to
"Oh, don't you know that when a body is at rest there are many other spirits traveling, and if they can destroy you at one end they can take over your body?
*** Confusing to me. Maybe something like, "Oh? Don't you realize that when a body is at rest, there are many other spirits still traveling. Evil ones can then overtake and destroy you."
I eat and feel my oneness fill with strength and light. I see the beauty of this place as the stars swirl before my eyes and sail once more the darkened sky.
*** I'd put a comma after "place"? Then, ".....place, even as the stars swirl before my questing eyes, to sail once more through darkened skies." Or something like that. You're a poet, try to sound more like one.
I once sold four stories to a small publisher for a hardcover book he printed. Somehow, he turned two entire 1 to 3,000 word stories to poems. When he sent me a complimentary copy I was flabbergasted. All he did was format them as poetry. That was the point where I realized I had no understanding of modern poetry and quit even reading it. What the hell? At least he paid for them, so I suppose he could do it if he wanted.
You have to be more careful. Certainly space your paragraphs, even if they're only one line or even one word. "Okay." can be a paragraph. One subject or one speaker is a paragraph, even if he says only one word or performs one action. The next speaker or subject is a new paragraph, after a blank line.
Also read your story out loud before posting. That and go over it a couple of times to look for wrong words or words with wrong meaning - too or two or to? You mentioned my overuse of the word "shit". You've done the same with
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2017
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Thanks Charlie. I appreciate the review and know I got a way to go. I intend to post more of the universe for I have had many episodes in which I travel
Comment from deje324
I was very intrigued by this essay. The explanation that while you sleep your spirit rises and you live in another world is believable. The description of the other world that he was living in was beautiful. The scenery described was very breathtaking. He also said he felt stronger. All in all this was a very good piece of fiction and held my interest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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I was very intrigued by this essay. The explanation that while you sleep your spirit rises and you live in another world is believable. The description of the other world that he was living in was beautiful. The scenery described was very breathtaking. He also said he felt stronger. All in all this was a very good piece of fiction and held my interest.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I'll try to bring more dreams into the light.
Comment from Natali Holden
That's so awesome! Maybe you should try writing a novel based off of this. Add some more plot, perhaps your main character gets in a coma and is stuck there and is trying to figure out stuff or something. Anyway, here's a mistake I spotted:
" Hey young fella, my name's Jake, and (these) here is my lady, Bliss." Should be this
I definitely enjoyed! Keep up the good work!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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That's so awesome! Maybe you should try writing a novel based off of this. Add some more plot, perhaps your main character gets in a coma and is stuck there and is trying to figure out stuff or something. Anyway, here's a mistake I spotted:
" Hey young fella, my name's Jake, and (these) here is my lady, Bliss." Should be this
I definitely enjoyed! Keep up the good work!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Natali. I make lots of mistakes and always welcome corrections. :)
