Your future father will be waiting
What lies beneth20 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Wow - congratulations on your win. You craftily wove the story with facts and made us interested, curious, and care about the characters.
One point; the mother of your father would be your 'paternal' grandmother.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
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Wow - congratulations on your win. You craftily wove the story with facts and made us interested, curious, and care about the characters.
One point; the mother of your father would be your 'paternal' grandmother.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
Comment from Lucian Carter
This is a solid biographical story. Although you include a lot of historical facts, the tie to you and your family keeps it from seeming dry and boring. This is a worthy contest winner and well worth reading.
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This is a solid biographical story. Although you include a lot of historical facts, the tie to you and your family keeps it from seeming dry and boring. This is a worthy contest winner and well worth reading.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
Comment from royowen
My wife and I spent a week in Kiev in 2005, (we're from Australia, my wife speaks 4 languages, but no Russian) then on to the Crimean peninsula, eventually Moscow and St. Petersburgh) very interesting place, with its enormous iconic statues. And Russian fleet, and tray top hats of the military. Just a great, family biography. Yes, family history shapes our destiny. Well done. Blessings, Roy
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My wife and I spent a week in Kiev in 2005, (we're from Australia, my wife speaks 4 languages, but no Russian) then on to the Crimean peninsula, eventually Moscow and St. Petersburgh) very interesting place, with its enormous iconic statues. And Russian fleet, and tray top hats of the military. Just a great, family biography. Yes, family history shapes our destiny. Well done. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on winning the contest! Great share--great entry. Bravo. Very interesting. Insightful. Well penned and well paced.
LOVE THIS:
How full of surprises is life? How rich one can be with only a change of clothes--alive only because of the warm hearts and kindness of strangers?
A few spag nits you might like to fix:
*Who am I(,) and what's my story?
*The road we choose in life takes us to who we are(,) and there always is a story to go along with it.
*Our lives are so unique to each of us and so common when related to the daily cosmic synergy our existence(,) as humans(,) spins on.
* Nobody in my family could foresee how life will(would) pour and arrange the details of a destiny(,) and nobody believed it will(would) arrange people and places the way it did until I was born.
Europe(,) at the beginning of the 20th century through the Second War and beyond(,) offered (a) background as unique as the people living in it.
*There's a lot of history, real world history(,) that comes along with my story.
* How many people can use both:(no :) Hitler and Lenin in their story?
*
You may not think of it too much, after all we live in a capitalist society not very opened to a Marxist reference.
Spaggy. Suggest:
You may not think too much of it; after all, we live in a capitalist society not very open to a Marxist reference.
*I didn't think too much of it(,) myself(,) when I first heard it as a child but(,) as I grew politically mature(,) it became one of the coolest details I know about my family.
*Lenin was(had been) traveling by train across Russia(,) and his train stopped in Kiev where he was greeted by many people.
*
By 1943(,) my grandfather was a well-established intellectual--managing his considerable estate, which included horses, large houses and servants.
*
One night(,) with only the clothes on their backs,
* 200,000 people helped the army with preparations.
Two-hundred thousand
*
In the background of war, Stalin eliminated enemies of the revolution--(,)sending men to the front and children and women to work camps far away on the frozen tundra of Siberia.
* He loaded his four kids and wife in the horse(-)pulled buggies and(,) as in a biblical reenactment(,) never looked back.
*My father was(had been) six. He was holding tight the hand of the young woman set to travel with them. She was alone, just married(,) and her husband (had been) picked up to fight as a soldier in the red army.
*They were some of the biggest battles of WW2,(no ,) and touched my family in ways hard to comprehend.
*When the story was told to me(,) it made me a strong believer in destiny. I (had) never believed in fate until that day.
*
For all I know(,) I am who I am today because of what was left behind in Kiev
*The woman holding my six years old(six-year-old) father during the run,(no ,) became my maternal grandmother 20(twenty) years later(,) when fate brought the families back together.
*
When I was born, my future was sealed by all that (had) happened during the war.
Such a dramatic tale! Bravo again for winning, but this does need a clean up of spag. I am awarding five stars in advance, trusting you'll want to correct nits.
My Grandfather snuck out of Russia for similar reasons (He was Jewish) at the age of 14. Enjoyed your story.
Warmly, rd
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Congrats on winning the contest! Great share--great entry. Bravo. Very interesting. Insightful. Well penned and well paced.
LOVE THIS:
How full of surprises is life? How rich one can be with only a change of clothes--alive only because of the warm hearts and kindness of strangers?
A few spag nits you might like to fix:
*Who am I(,) and what's my story?
*The road we choose in life takes us to who we are(,) and there always is a story to go along with it.
*Our lives are so unique to each of us and so common when related to the daily cosmic synergy our existence(,) as humans(,) spins on.
* Nobody in my family could foresee how life will(would) pour and arrange the details of a destiny(,) and nobody believed it will(would) arrange people and places the way it did until I was born.
Europe(,) at the beginning of the 20th century through the Second War and beyond(,) offered (a) background as unique as the people living in it.
*There's a lot of history, real world history(,) that comes along with my story.
* How many people can use both:(no :) Hitler and Lenin in their story?
*
You may not think of it too much, after all we live in a capitalist society not very opened to a Marxist reference.
Spaggy. Suggest:
You may not think too much of it; after all, we live in a capitalist society not very open to a Marxist reference.
*I didn't think too much of it(,) myself(,) when I first heard it as a child but(,) as I grew politically mature(,) it became one of the coolest details I know about my family.
*Lenin was(had been) traveling by train across Russia(,) and his train stopped in Kiev where he was greeted by many people.
*
By 1943(,) my grandfather was a well-established intellectual--managing his considerable estate, which included horses, large houses and servants.
*
One night(,) with only the clothes on their backs,
* 200,000 people helped the army with preparations.
Two-hundred thousand
*
In the background of war, Stalin eliminated enemies of the revolution--(,)sending men to the front and children and women to work camps far away on the frozen tundra of Siberia.
* He loaded his four kids and wife in the horse(-)pulled buggies and(,) as in a biblical reenactment(,) never looked back.
*My father was(had been) six. He was holding tight the hand of the young woman set to travel with them. She was alone, just married(,) and her husband (had been) picked up to fight as a soldier in the red army.
*They were some of the biggest battles of WW2,(no ,) and touched my family in ways hard to comprehend.
*When the story was told to me(,) it made me a strong believer in destiny. I (had) never believed in fate until that day.
*
For all I know(,) I am who I am today because of what was left behind in Kiev
*The woman holding my six years old(six-year-old) father during the run,(no ,) became my maternal grandmother 20(twenty) years later(,) when fate brought the families back together.
*
When I was born, my future was sealed by all that (had) happened during the war.
Such a dramatic tale! Bravo again for winning, but this does need a clean up of spag. I am awarding five stars in advance, trusting you'll want to correct nits.
My Grandfather snuck out of Russia for similar reasons (He was Jewish) at the age of 14. Enjoyed your story.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about fate. We are all in on or other way connected. Our grandparents survived the wars and Hitler that is why we are all here today.
congratulations for winning the contest.
Typo
LWhat lies beneth(beneath)
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A very well-written story about fate. We are all in on or other way connected. Our grandparents survived the wars and Hitler that is why we are all here today.
congratulations for winning the contest.
Typo
LWhat lies beneth(beneath)
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from apky
This is excellent and moves at a fast pace.
I enjoyed it and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot races and is sprinkled with a variety of interesting situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
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This is excellent and moves at a fast pace.
I enjoyed it and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot races and is sprinkled with a variety of interesting situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from c_lucas
For some, History is a constant living nightmare. For others, it is a page or two in the History Book. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
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For some, History is a constant living nightmare. For others, it is a page or two in the History Book. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
Comment from EverInParadise
This a wonderful tale told by the child whose family lived through the catastrophe of that time. My grandparents were born in America to European parents who had "escaped in time". I remember my grandmother struggling with her German heritage as her three sons joined "up". Fortunately for her, they all received Pacific duty and she did not have to think about "killing their own" as my grandfather had once it. This is well done, though there are areas where the grammar and some repeated phrases drag the story down a little. This piece is history not literature. Thank you for entering this.
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This a wonderful tale told by the child whose family lived through the catastrophe of that time. My grandparents were born in America to European parents who had "escaped in time". I remember my grandmother struggling with her German heritage as her three sons joined "up". Fortunately for her, they all received Pacific duty and she did not have to think about "killing their own" as my grandfather had once it. This is well done, though there are areas where the grammar and some repeated phrases drag the story down a little. This piece is history not literature. Thank you for entering this.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
Comment from pbomar1115
Yes, fate has been good for you. Some chose to see that word meaning bad. But in reality, your life could have gone in the opposite direction. You made the choice to embrace your family history which turned out to be interesting. In fact, I've not met anyone passing on the history such as your. Great story.
Phillip
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Yes, fate has been good for you. Some chose to see that word meaning bad. But in reality, your life could have gone in the opposite direction. You made the choice to embrace your family history which turned out to be interesting. In fact, I've not met anyone passing on the history such as your. Great story.
Phillip
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
Comment from sunnilicious
This is a good entry. Well thought out and clearly written. We all have a history. Where to start for the future...Nice narrative. Good luck in the Fate Contest.
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This is a good entry. Well thought out and clearly written. We all have a history. Where to start for the future...Nice narrative. Good luck in the Fate Contest.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
