Demons in My Head
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Verdict"A young woman's struggle with mental illness.
8 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
It's so sad that Katelyn used to be his 'princess', but all because she was mentally ill he moved on to Katie. And now Katie is happy along with her dad that Katelyn has gone to jail and Madeline has disappeared. Well done! Keep up the good work!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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It's so sad that Katelyn used to be his 'princess', but all because she was mentally ill he moved on to Katie. And now Katie is happy along with her dad that Katelyn has gone to jail and Madeline has disappeared. Well done! Keep up the good work!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review, I am very honored. Stan treated Katlyn badly while spoiling Katie rotten all because of something she couldn't help. Remember what goes around comes around, Stan will get what he deserves.
Thank you again for such a marvelous review, take care.
Comment from Sefiros
It makes me sick to my stomach to read content like this. But you brought it up in a direct and un-apologetic way, and that's the way this stuff should be addressed - raw and with no filter. I look forward to seeing what happens to the characters next.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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It makes me sick to my stomach to read content like this. But you brought it up in a direct and un-apologetic way, and that's the way this stuff should be addressed - raw and with no filter. I look forward to seeing what happens to the characters next.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review. My friend Kateline wanted to share her story, bring out some things that need to be addressed, changed. She said: "It's a broken system and unless someone speaks out that's the way it'll stay." I wholeheartedly agree and that's how this story came to be. I just hope I can do it justice for her and all the others that are suffering.
Thanks again for your kind review, take care.
Comment from apky
Poor Madeline and Katelyn, both. I think Stan is turning little Katie slowly into a vindictive monster. Katie may be the next one to go mental one way or another.
We've had some good times in this house, she tearfully concludes. Running her fingertips around the picture's cherry-colored frame she moves to the next. The events of that day start replaying in her mind as she gazes at the picture. ~ You wrote these lines so well that I was there, feeling with Madeleine.
Such a pity that Stan actually loved Katelyn so much only to turn around on her because of an illness Katelyn can't do anything about. It makes me feel he only loved his perfect image in her.
Thoroughly enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Poor Madeline and Katelyn, both. I think Stan is turning little Katie slowly into a vindictive monster. Katie may be the next one to go mental one way or another.
We've had some good times in this house, she tearfully concludes. Running her fingertips around the picture's cherry-colored frame she moves to the next. The events of that day start replaying in her mind as she gazes at the picture. ~ You wrote these lines so well that I was there, feeling with Madeleine.
Such a pity that Stan actually loved Katelyn so much only to turn around on her because of an illness Katelyn can't do anything about. It makes me feel he only loved his perfect image in her.
Thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review and your encouraging words. I was hoping I could pull the readers into the story, have them relate to Madeline. Stan is an ass a monster. Treating Katelyn the way he does, hurting Madeline. Don't worry, he will get his in the end. By who I'm not going to say.
Thank you again for all of your reviews and support, they mean a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
The court can't see that Katelyn is mentally ill? That's a real injustice. I wouldn't blame Katelyn for anything at this point. This is bad enough to drive a sane person to murder!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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The court can't see that Katelyn is mentally ill? That's a real injustice. I wouldn't blame Katelyn for anything at this point. This is bad enough to drive a sane person to murder!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Oh no, I've turned sweet Phyllis into a serial killer. Oh my gosh, I have to warn T-bowl. What about her husband? I better call the police.
Thanks for the great review. Unfortunately, a lot of mentally ill get sent to prison instead of a hospital where they belong. I remember reading about one man on death row being asked if he was going to eat his pie right before his last walk. Oblivious to what's going on, he said I'm saving it for later. Where's the justice in that? I better say so long before I get on a soapbox.
Thanks again for all your reviews and your support, take care.
Comment from Possummagic
This is shaping up into a great story. Domestic violence is a huge issue and more people should be conscious of what goes on in the community around them. Many people turn a blind eye and it can escalate to horrendous crimes. Well written. Always leave us wanting more! PM
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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This is shaping up into a great story. Domestic violence is a huge issue and more people should be conscious of what goes on in the community around them. Many people turn a blind eye and it can escalate to horrendous crimes. Well written. Always leave us wanting more! PM
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your great review. Domestic violence is a big issue. Because people don't step in, many women believe their situation is hopeless they commit suicide, thinking it's their only way out. There are several points Katelyn wanted to make with this story that is one of them.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, your encouraging words and all your support, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Another emotional chapter, leaving us wondering what happened to the mother, and moving things along with the rest of the family.
All of the bruises, broken bones that she's suffered through the year - years?
She sees family photo's neatly arranged - this is just a plural here for photos.
We've had some good times in this house. She tearfully concludes - this should all be one sentence.
the fact that her sister's trial is going sideways.
,
Many believe - delete the rogue comma here.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Hi there,
Another emotional chapter, leaving us wondering what happened to the mother, and moving things along with the rest of the family.
All of the bruises, broken bones that she's suffered through the year - years?
She sees family photo's neatly arranged - this is just a plural here for photos.
We've had some good times in this house. She tearfully concludes - this should all be one sentence.
the fact that her sister's trial is going sideways.
,
Many believe - delete the rogue comma here.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind review and your encouraging words it means a lot to me. And thank you for helping me find that darn ' Someone else said something about it I searched and searched but couldn't find the little stinker. Maybe I need stronger glasses.
Thanks again for all your help and support it means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess there are sibling rivalries in all multiple-children households, but this sibling relationship is way off base. You sure know how to get readers emotions flowing, or is it anger. LOL! Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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I guess there are sibling rivalries in all multiple-children households, but this sibling relationship is way off base. You sure know how to get readers emotions flowing, or is it anger. LOL! Great job. :-)
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your great review. Katie was spoiled rotten while Katelyn was pushed to the side. No matter what Katelyn did it never was good enough for her father. That caused a lot of hurt feelings, resentment between the girls and low self-esteem for Katelyn.
Thank you again for your continued reviews and support, take care.
Comment from hvysmker
"It' not about the home, it's about principle, besides, I can take care of myself."
*** It's ?
Running her fingertips around the picture's cherry colored frame she moves to the next.
*** cherry-colored
Cherry frame? No good.
Colored frame? Maybe.
Cherry-colored? Good. If either choice won't work, use a hyphen.
The events of that day start replaying in her mind as she gazes at the picture.
*** I notice you use "start" a lot. Maybe just "replay" instead? The same above with "starts thinking". Could use "thinks".
~~~
"Oh, mom," Katelyn says, aggravatedly stomping her foot.
*** aggravatingly ?
~~~
Stan was happy to see that neither Madeline nor Katelyn was at their house when he arrives the next morning.
*** arrived ? Change in tense.
He was settling Katie on their couch when someone pounds on the front door.
*** pounded ?
"Where's who, Marge?"
*** I'd drop the "Marge" ? Sounds like he's asking about Marge.
' (by itself ?)
Many believe that Katelyn's lawyer blotched up her case.
*** blotched = marked with irregularly shaped spots or blots. Botched ? = spoiled through incompetence or clumsiness.
Taking a piece of paper out of the forelady's hand, the bailiff hands it to the judge.
*** forelady ? I know what you mean but my dictionary doesn't accept it.
Hmmm! A lot of action in this chapter. It's interesting and certainly advances the story.
Charlie
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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"It' not about the home, it's about principle, besides, I can take care of myself."
*** It's ?
Running her fingertips around the picture's cherry colored frame she moves to the next.
*** cherry-colored
Cherry frame? No good.
Colored frame? Maybe.
Cherry-colored? Good. If either choice won't work, use a hyphen.
The events of that day start replaying in her mind as she gazes at the picture.
*** I notice you use "start" a lot. Maybe just "replay" instead? The same above with "starts thinking". Could use "thinks".
~~~
"Oh, mom," Katelyn says, aggravatedly stomping her foot.
*** aggravatingly ?
~~~
Stan was happy to see that neither Madeline nor Katelyn was at their house when he arrives the next morning.
*** arrived ? Change in tense.
He was settling Katie on their couch when someone pounds on the front door.
*** pounded ?
"Where's who, Marge?"
*** I'd drop the "Marge" ? Sounds like he's asking about Marge.
' (by itself ?)
Many believe that Katelyn's lawyer blotched up her case.
*** blotched = marked with irregularly shaped spots or blots. Botched ? = spoiled through incompetence or clumsiness.
Taking a piece of paper out of the forelady's hand, the bailiff hands it to the judge.
*** forelady ? I know what you mean but my dictionary doesn't accept it.
Hmmm! A lot of action in this chapter. It's interesting and certainly advances the story.
Charlie
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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A six, wow, thank you, Charlie, I sure didn't expect that. I was just hoping for fewer 4's. I've gone back and changed all you suggested and lowered the count on start, think. Still working on keeping the out, that darn word likes to sneak in whenever it can. Like a thief in the night trying to steal my thunder.
My s button isn't working unless I mash hard on it a real pain in the butt. This has made me realize all the words with s in it. It's probably in 3/4 of my vocabulary.
Thinking about a new story idea, cats taking over the planet. It'd be different, for sure.
Thanks again for your fantastic review, your always helpful suggestions, and your support, take care.
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Get an external USB keyboard. That's what I do for an old laptop. Three keys, including 'T" don't work on it.
I tried rats taking over the country on one story. A human scientist found he could use an implant to talk to his lab rats, and that they were intelligent. Eventually they were a protected species with voting rights. Because of their nature, nobody actually expected many of them to vote, and those would vote Democrat. Unexpectedly, they were holding out and most of them voted a write-in rat into the Presidency. After all, there are more rats than humans in the country.
Charlie
