Hotel Plaza
6 year old Jodie's story.14 total reviews
Comment from B.B. Rose
Nicely realized voice of the little girl in an untenable situtation. This feels somewhat like the first person introduction to a character rather than a story which, even in flash fiction, has a beginning, a middle and an end. Since you have many more words allowed in this contest, you might take time to let us in on more of Jodie's life. Her mom surely gets out of bed now and again. She has raised a child for six years which indicates something (good or bad...but something that would bring another dimension to what you have written.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Nicely realized voice of the little girl in an untenable situtation. This feels somewhat like the first person introduction to a character rather than a story which, even in flash fiction, has a beginning, a middle and an end. Since you have many more words allowed in this contest, you might take time to let us in on more of Jodie's life. Her mom surely gets out of bed now and again. She has raised a child for six years which indicates something (good or bad...but something that would bring another dimension to what you have written.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your comment
Comment from DonandVicki
I only wish this was fiction, however this fine work is played out all to often in our society. Drugs, alcohol, prostitution...it's the children who suffer. DonandVicki.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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I only wish this was fiction, however this fine work is played out all to often in our society. Drugs, alcohol, prostitution...it's the children who suffer. DonandVicki.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thankks
Comment from tfawcus
You've managed to tell quite a story here in these few words. Sometimes kids have to use a little imagination to convince themselves that all is fine and dandy. Cash and candy help, of course!
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reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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You've managed to tell quite a story here in these few words. Sometimes kids have to use a little imagination to convince themselves that all is fine and dandy. Cash and candy help, of course!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thank you
Comment from doggymad
Although you have listed this as fiction, it is heartbreaking in it's truth. There are many children for whom this sort of life is normal.
You have opted for a unique approach to the contest prompt and I wish you luck with it.
hugs
Freda.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Although you have listed this as fiction, it is heartbreaking in it's truth. There are many children for whom this sort of life is normal.
You have opted for a unique approach to the contest prompt and I wish you luck with it.
hugs
Freda.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your comments.
