Demons in My Head
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Bad Choices"A young woman's struggle with mental illness.
8 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
That's some temper the lass has, and the family is screwed up bit time...
Hi, daddy," she hiccups - Daddy, for consistency.
What happened between Stan and me is different, - would she use her husband's first name here with her daughter?
Katelyn smarts off - this expression is a little odd.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Hi there,
That's some temper the lass has, and the family is screwed up bit time...
Hi, daddy," she hiccups - Daddy, for consistency.
What happened between Stan and me is different, - would she use her husband's first name here with her daughter?
Katelyn smarts off - this expression is a little odd.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your nice review. The family has a lot of problems, for sure. Of course, Stan being an abusive, controlling, ass and Katie's inflated self-esteem doesn't help matters.
Thank you again for all of your reviews, support and helpful suggestions, they are always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's almost amazing how little a person really has to do to end up in big trouble. Not that I've ever experienced it, of course. LOL! Thanks for sharing another entertaining chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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It's almost amazing how little a person really has to do to end up in big trouble. Not that I've ever experienced it, of course. LOL! Thanks for sharing another entertaining chapter. :-)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the great review. Of course not, you're an angel, right? I got in trouble once for cashing a check for a supposed friend. I didn't know at the time it was forged. She said she was overdrawn so she can't cash it at her bank. I felt sorry for her and cashed it. almost served time for it, twice actually once for the check and the other for assault. I pushed her in Lake Taneycomo, an extremely cold lake. You lose all feeling in your legs in minutes, cold.
I just saw the new movie It. The movie wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be (there were a few parts,) It was good, funny in parts, a sad part at the end. Overall it was more nostalgic, taking you back to when it all began. Shows you a pattern on how, why it occurs. Let you get to know the characters better. It was very good, different but good. There is supposed to be the second chapter soon. Penny wise the clown does weird things with his eyes and they change color before he attacks.
Thanks again for the nice review and all your support it means a lot to me, take care.
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Me an angel? LOL! Well, it sounds good, but in truth, I've always been a bad boy. And sometimes I was so bad, it made everything even better, and gave people something to talk about still today. I'm interested as to why Lake Taneycomo is so cold. I'm assuming it comes from a spring and is really deep. See how I change the subject in mid sentence. :-)
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Actually, it being fast running is part of the reason. The other part is that it's a run off from the dam, Tablerock Lake.
I should have known you are the bad boy type. I somehow manage to find them amongst a crowd. I try to behave, for the most part, anyhow but seem to get drawn into situations.
You sound like quite a character with a lot of wild stories to tell. How're your wrists?
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Seems like the drug use has affected Katelyn in a bad way. She's out of control. She needs to be in a home to get care 24/7 ... and free from drugs.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Seems like the drug use has affected Katelyn in a bad way. She's out of control. She needs to be in a home to get care 24/7 ... and free from drugs.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Your right, the drugs have sent her down the wrong path. She's one of many mentally ill who choose to self-medicate claiming they can't stand the side effects from their prescribed medicine. Unfortunately, taking her home, keeping her off the drug isn't an option for her right now, not with an aggravated assault charge hanging over her head.
Thank you for your nice review and all your support, take care.
Comment from apky
Poor Katelyn - she just stepped into a spiral of problems. I can't wait to find out how this goes in the next post.
There's a discrepancy here below, Misty. Madeleine has just been hit by her husbands, and Katelyn told to get out by the time he gets back. When did the mother find the time to prepare the apartment for Katelyn?
"For God's sakes, Katelyn, come on." Aggravated, Madeline pulls her up the remaining steps. "Well, what do you think?" she asks, throwing the door open.
"You did this for me?"
"Do you like?"
"I love it, but what will he say about me staying out here?"
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Poor Katelyn - she just stepped into a spiral of problems. I can't wait to find out how this goes in the next post.
There's a discrepancy here below, Misty. Madeleine has just been hit by her husbands, and Katelyn told to get out by the time he gets back. When did the mother find the time to prepare the apartment for Katelyn?
"For God's sakes, Katelyn, come on." Aggravated, Madeline pulls her up the remaining steps. "Well, what do you think?" she asks, throwing the door open.
"You did this for me?"
"Do you like?"
"I love it, but what will he say about me staying out here?"
Comment Written 11-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your great review. after the *** I have Madeline has been working on the apartment all day. It explains a little of her thoughts and then her waking Katelyn, Kateline seeing the apartment etc... So I'm confused as to where the discrepancy is. Please explain.
Thanks again for all your reviews, support, and helpful suggestions, they are always appreciated, take care.
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Misty, I've gone back and read it again - a big MEA CULPA! It was my fault reading through without seeing the story break point where you had the asterixes. I read on as if Madelein continued her chores to while Stan was heading out the door, in order to not get another slap. Sorry.
Comment from Natali Holden
'Demons in My Head' is an awesome book title. Most likely if I was in a bookstore and saw the title I would walk over and pick up the book, then with that picture I would be expecting an awesome book. I'd read the back and depending on if I liked the summary, I'd open it up to a random page and read. If I opened it up to this chapter, I'd probably buy your book.
'"I do too." Lifting up her hand, Madel(y)n(e) touches her swollen cheek.' Should be an i instead of y; add e
Awesome chapter! I really enjoyed it! I can't wait to read more of your writings!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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'Demons in My Head' is an awesome book title. Most likely if I was in a bookstore and saw the title I would walk over and pick up the book, then with that picture I would be expecting an awesome book. I'd read the back and depending on if I liked the summary, I'd open it up to a random page and read. If I opened it up to this chapter, I'd probably buy your book.
'"I do too." Lifting up her hand, Madel(y)n(e) touches her swollen cheek.' Should be an i instead of y; add e
Awesome chapter! I really enjoyed it! I can't wait to read more of your writings!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review, and encouraging words. I am so glad you enjoyed it and looking forward to hearing from you again.
I've written a brief summary to catch you up in the story, so it'll make more sense. Katelyn was first diagnosed with Attention deficit disorder (ADD) but later found she has schizophrenia. The med made her act strange so she was teased at school. A boy John came to her rescue they soon became friends, lovers. He asked her to marry him. The mob the police were trying to protect him and his family from, found them, so the FBI moved them to a safer location. With John being gone Katelyn went down a destructive path doing drugs and having sex with Lucas a drug lord.
Thanks again for your wonderful review, take care.
Comment from hvysmker
Cash she's earned from selling her lover's drugs.
*** Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.
Madeline sees Katelyn sitting on top of her sister when she reaches the landing.
*** I think you should rearrange that sentence. "When she reaches the landing, Madeline sees Katelyn sitting on top of her sister."
Katelyn slowly turns towards her mother an evil look in her eyes.
*** Comma after "mother"?
Katelyn starts pounding on her father as he scoops Katie off the floor.
*** Jeez! Nice family.
Reaching the front door, Stan spins back around. "This is the last straw, Madeline, the last straw! I want you and that demonic teenager out of my house," he orders.
*** He won't find that so easy.
"Can I talk to you a second, Sergeant?" Her partner asks, walking across the lawn.
"What does our Captain want us to do in the mean time?"
*** meantime. "mean time" is another way of saying "mean solar time".
O'boy, here comes the court system and social services, maybe even a drug test she might not pass.
This chapter certainly advances the story.
Charlie
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Cash she's earned from selling her lover's drugs.
*** Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.
Madeline sees Katelyn sitting on top of her sister when she reaches the landing.
*** I think you should rearrange that sentence. "When she reaches the landing, Madeline sees Katelyn sitting on top of her sister."
Katelyn slowly turns towards her mother an evil look in her eyes.
*** Comma after "mother"?
Katelyn starts pounding on her father as he scoops Katie off the floor.
*** Jeez! Nice family.
Reaching the front door, Stan spins back around. "This is the last straw, Madeline, the last straw! I want you and that demonic teenager out of my house," he orders.
*** He won't find that so easy.
"Can I talk to you a second, Sergeant?" Her partner asks, walking across the lawn.
"What does our Captain want us to do in the mean time?"
*** meantime. "mean time" is another way of saying "mean solar time".
O'boy, here comes the court system and social services, maybe even a drug test she might not pass.
This chapter certainly advances the story.
Charlie
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your nice review and all of your helpful advice. I fixed what you suggested. Unfortunately, Katelyn' life only goes down hill from here thanks to her asshole dad and all his pull, Katelyn gets a horrid sentence.
Thanks again for all your help, and your support they're always appreciated.
Comment from royowen
Boy, drugs can do horrid things to people. Madeleine is the only hero in this story. A mum of compassion, with a violent husband/father, Katelyne and Katie, there's some resentment there, and the angst of that relationship with Lucas to complicate. Excellent descriptive imagery that brings the whole dysfunctional situation into the "living room", well done, diverse characters, and a volatile plot makes it a good story, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Boy, drugs can do horrid things to people. Madeleine is the only hero in this story. A mum of compassion, with a violent husband/father, Katelyne and Katie, there's some resentment there, and the angst of that relationship with Lucas to complicate. Excellent descriptive imagery that brings the whole dysfunctional situation into the "living room", well done, diverse characters, and a volatile plot makes it a good story, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your nice review your continuous support and your encouraging words. Poor Madeline did try to keep it together, but the resentment against Katelyn was so strong she often fell short. Of course, Katelyn always fell short in her father's eyes no matter how hard she tried. Katie, the spoiled rotten, conniving little brat had daddy wrapped around her finger.
Thanks again for your kind review, take care.
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Most welcome
Comment from DonandVicki
A very engaging story, I will have to go back and catch up from the beginning . The dialouge made me feel as if I were part of the story. Very well written. DonandVicki.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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A very engaging story, I will have to go back and catch up from the beginning . The dialouge made me feel as if I were part of the story. Very well written. DonandVicki.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review and encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Thanks again for reading my work, take care.
