Comment from giraffmang

Good

hi there,

I enjoyed this good-natured romp. Good fun all round. What a dolt. lol

Few things I noticed on reading through-

"Barrington Basildon?" A voice asks. - a, following speech tags should be lower case unless a proper noun or name.

"Barrington, It's Monty." - it's, lower case following a comma.

underwater can be one word.

pathetic really; just a small portable modular building - the semi-colon isn't necessary.

The kits in the wash though - kit's.

Gone." - need opening speech marks here.

the Aston Martin's full of tricks - this is just a plural here so no apostrophe needed.

They made me take the bus, can you believe it. - this should probably have a question mark.

a hulking great cold draughty beast of a plane - this could maybe do with some punctuation.

"So, old boy what's the in flight movie?" I ask, "and can I get a scotchka - the second piece of dialogue should start with a capital as the previous is closed off by the question mark.

"Basildon Barrington?" A deep voice asks - I thought maybe he'd correct hem on inverting his name here... also small a.

how shall we do this? Here' an idea - Here's.

"Who are you?" He replies - he.

I 'm a tad surprised though - delete the space after I.

knockout can be one word.

You see officer's; the incident - officers is just a plural here so no apostrophe necessary.

I Miss Miss Funnyberry. - first miss.

I Miss Ivanka - miss.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2017

Thank you very much for your in depth review. I must have read this half a dozen times but some still get through. I re-read it on route to the gym this morning and noticed a couple, nowhere near as much as you. Thanks. I'll fix it. Take care.

Comment from emptypage

Good

Okay, well, this was really, really long.

It had some decent dialogue, but it was too much talking without going anywhere. It got interesting once you brought in the idea of a twin brother, but the rest was too slow for my taste.

Sorry. I'm not normally this ... critical. But I went in with a promise of humor and got a lot of white noise. Until the last fifth. If you used the last fifth and the first fifth, that might work better.

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2017

Thanks for the comments. I'll have a think.

Maybe the cuts have drained some of the humour.

Badildon has more resources on his last few adventures.

Thanks again. Take care.

Comment from RodG

Excellent

I love a good spoof of James Bond and this was delightful. The wise-cracking, self-serving,almost former Super Secret Agent is fun to listen to and we empathize, knowing this is his last mission. It's also fun to see how he is affected by all the austerity cuts. His mission to Greenland on a mail Lane was wonderful farce. I just wish there had been more drama in his confrontation with Coldfinger. Your forte--the dialog!

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017

Thanks for the kind review. I'm glad you liked it.

Maybe if things pick up in the economy Basildon may make a return.

Take care and thanks again.

Comment from EverInParadise

Excellent

Very funny. What a take on the spying racket. I loved the dialogue mixed with the "old days". Austerity cuts indeed. It may be, in a few lines, even you lost track of "Coldfinger vs Goldfinger." I know I did. This is great, fun to read. Good luck with this.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017

Thank you for the kind review and for spotting the Gold/Coldfinger mix ups.

I'm glad you liked it.